Heaven's Grace
by ReddTwilight
Summary: Bella Swan has run away from home, days later stumbling across a coven of vampires. Only its much too late for her once she finds out what they truly are. Her life was forfeit the moment she entered theirs.
1. Prologue: Lost

**A/N: As of April 2013 this story has been re-read, edited, and revised. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

**BPOV**

I'd reached my limit.

So I left.

I waited until everyone in the house was asleep and then I climbed out my window onto the huge three that dominated the front yard of my house, climbed down, and with a last glance over my shoulder, I said goodbye. I slung my duffle bag onto my back and started walking away. I don't know why I stayed as long as I did in the first place. I'd been miserable for months listening to my parents always arguing, and over me. It was time for me to leave. The house was too small and there were too many people living in it. They needed me to leave. So that's what I'm doing.

I zipped up my jacket tighter against the January cold and curled my toes inside my boots to make sure they were snug. I didn't know where I would go. I just knew I couldn't stay here any longer.

The longer I extended my presence here the more damage it was doing. I didn't belong home anymore. It had started when my mother, Renee, found out she was pregnant with her fourth child. Of course Charlie, my father, was overjoyed and hoping for another son. My two younger siblings, Jessica and Mike, started discussing switching rooms.

I was supposed to be attending community college for one semester and then transfer to UW, at least that had been my plan.

Then my mother found out she was pregnant.

My younger sister Jessica was starting her senior year of high school and my younger brother Mike was starting his sophomore year. And with Charlie constantly at work, who was supposed to be home during the day to help Renee? I mean, my mother is a grown woman but she's always had trouble taking care of herself.

So I opted to take a year off and I would start college next fall. I even told Renee the baby could share my room with me then have it when I went away and when I came home I would bunk on the couch during the holidays.

I should've just kept my mouth shut.

That started a new round of arguments between Charlie and Renee about what to do about the baby's room. It was soon after that they just forgot I was there.

Everything began focusing around Renee as she came closer and closer to her nine-month mark. I kept doing everything a good, responsible child should. I kept the house cleaned and put meals on the table. I made sure Jessica and Mike were up in the morning and gone to school when Renee felt too sick.

But after a while they stopped asking about my day when I came home in the evening from my job. At first I shrugged it off as them being preoccupied with the baby. But it soon got to the point where I felt invisible, and I knew then that it was time to go.

They wouldn't notice my absence anyway, or so I thought. And the baby, a boy my parents planned to name James, would have a room all to himself. Everything would be normal for my family, and they wouldn't have to waste time worrying about me.

I can take care of myself. This will be a good thing. I think.

I'd only packed what I'd known I want. My favorite clothes, my photo album of my family, the scrapbook I'd started, my Chucks, my laptop safely stored in its zipper sleeve and wrapped next to my cell phone and iPod in my heaviest clothes. The essentials. My favorite novels, my wallet containing all forms of ID, all of my important documents that I took from my father's files; birth certificate, passport, social security card. And I'd packed food that would do well in the cold. I'd thrown everything into my duffle bag and hidden it under my bed. The last thing I stuffed in there before leaving was my wadded sock of cash. I'd waited until I received one more paycheck and then cashed it out like I'd done with all of them in the past. And then I waited until Charlie's snores filled the upstairs and I crept out my window.

That had been three nights ago.

I stopped when I was tired and usually hunkered down against a tree. I'd seen enough survival shows to know to sleep on top of my duffle and always carry a pocketknife with you. But I'd only slept once and I was too tired to try digging my small knife or pepper spray out of the bottom of my bag to protect myself. I found a stream and remembered that if is clear and moving relatively quickly that it was safe to drink. I only sipped a tiny bit since that was what I could get to through the layer of ice. I opted for snow instead, and I knew I was being stupid, but I needed something. I found a very long icicle hanging from a tree and snapped it off to suck on it as I walked.

I was starting to develop this terrible cough that made my chest hurt every time. I'd just gotten over a cold and I knew it was a bad idea to run away like this, in so many ways, but most of all because it was the dead of winter and it was freezing. But I had wrapped myself up pretty tightly before taking off. I didn't care, I needed to get away and nothing was going to stop me. At least I hadn't been dumb enough to run away while still sick.

I decided, as I watched the sun dip lower towards the horizon, that I should do my best to find some kind of trail, but all I found was forest. Never ending forest. My feet were dragging and I was dead tired from all the walking and coughing. My head felt like it was going to split open from the pressure and pain throbbing inside. And I was starving. I had a scarf around my mouth now. My throat was raw. I needed to find somewhere and lay down.

Up ahead I thought I saw lights, but it must have been my brain hallucinating.

Why would there be lights in the middle of the forest?

I forced myself to press forward and I found that the trees were thinning. Ahead of me, looming out of the darkness was a huge white house with a grand porch and those welcoming warm lights. I remember dragging my tired, sore body up those steps, curling up on my duffle under one of the lights, and then nothing else…

**A/N: As stated above, this entire story is being revised as of April 2013. There is only one Polyvore set for this story, and that is the epilogue. Click the Polyvore link on my profile and it will take you to my Polyvore profile. You may need to scroll down a bit until you get to the end of my sets to see the one for the epilogue of this story.**

**Thanks for reading and continue to enjoy!**


	2. Discovery

**A/N: Chapter 1, edited.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

I was teetering on the brink of unconsciousness as I had been from the moment I laid down on the snow-covered porch under the warm, welcoming lamp. I didn't hear the door open but there was suddenly more light spilling out from somewhere behind me, and the softest voice was speaking above my head.

It was angelic, smooth, and motherly. It was full of concern and I suddenly wondered if I'd gone in a huge circle and was back home.

I was lifted from the porch by a pair of strong, strangely stony feeling arms. The voice continued to tut over me, the concern never leaving as I was carried somewhere. Again I didn't hear a door, but I assumed I was inside now. The biting cold of the snow was gone.

My body came into contact with a plush surface and something thick and wonderfully warm was thrown over my body.

"Carlisle," the angelic, motherly voice called softly. Something cool pressed to my forehead and I shuddered at the sudden iciness. "Don't worry, dear, you're safe now." The voice whispered. She must have thought I shuddered in fear.

"Where was she?" A strong male voice asked a moment later. It was as smooth as the other voice, but more professional with an edge of authority to it.

"On the porch, I heard her coming up the steps, but I smelled her even before that."

_What? _

"Who is she?" the motherly voice asked. I felt the surface beneath me shift. She must have sat down. I was being gently pulled up now, and the blanket that had been wrapped around me, was being pushed away.

No, I wanted it back. It felt good and smelled wonderful. Suddenly I felt my jacket being unzipped and removed, my boots being pulled off, and all other outerwear being discarded.

_Oh_ _my God, please don't hurt me_! I wanted to scream but I didn't have the strength.

The first two buttons on the blouse I had been wearing for the last three days were opened and something freezing and metal-like pressed to my chest. It felt very familiar. A stethoscope?

"She's been walking for days," the male voice said quietly, so soft I almost didn't hear it. But so much abnormality was going on around me I was acutely aware of all of it.

"Lost hiker?" the female voice asked.

"I don't think so, hikers carry backpacks. I think she's a runaway."

The stethoscope moved to my back. "Her body is exhausted," I felt gentle fingers under my jaw pressing against my throat. "She has pneumonia."

"Should we take her to the hospital?" An immediate silence fell as soon as the word hospital was mentioned. "Carlisle?" the female voice questioned.

"I know who she is,"

"What?" the female sounded surprised.

"At least…I _believe_ I know who she is." Silence fell again and I could feel my face being evaluated. "And taking her to the hospital right now would be a very bad idea if I'm correct."

"Why, who is she?"

"I think this is the girl that ran away from Forks three days ago."

_Oh no, please don't take me back._

I have no reason to go back. Just let me lay here in my misery. I thought I heard myself moan in discomfort, but the sudden pain ripping across my head was so sharp I couldn't be sure. I felt something cool and hard press against my forehead. Definitely not a compress.

"Her fever is high. Moving her to the hospital would make things worse, and I can do so much more for her here. Esme, will you stay with her for a moment while I get some things set up upstairs?"

"Of course,"

Ok, so now I had names attached to the voices.

And a plethora of the strangest information.

But the fog in my brain was making it practically impossible to sort through it all.

"Can you carry her upstairs?" Carlisle's voice asked. He was back already? Or maybe more time had passed than I had noticed.

"I've got her," Esme responded.

I was lifted again and this time I could feel myself being carried vertically. It was only another moment later that I was placed on another soft surface and something was wrapped around me. Another blanket? "What are you going to do for her?"

"I'm going to put her on an antibiotic and see if that helps. It should fight off the bacteria causing the pneumonia in a few days. I believe I've caught it early enough." Something in his voice scared me, was it doubt?

This man, Carlisle, was a doctor. That much was clear to me. But the way he spoke about how he hoped he caught the pneumonia harboring in my body early enough made a shiver run down my spine.

His voice sounded aged, like he had been doing his job too long and had seen too many innocent people die. And that he didn't want to see me die. Another shiver ran down my spine.

I heard a ton of movement then and it served to distract me.

Wheels squeaking, buttons being pressed on machinery, something was slipped over my index finger and it pinched. A second later there was soft beeping behind me. That was going to get irritating quickly. My arm was outstretched and something rubber was tied around my bicep.

_Oh God no! _

The pierce of the needle through my skin made me moan in discomfort again, but a pair of hands held me still. A few moments later and the needle was gone from my arm. Another was inserted in the back of my hand and tapped there.

"You don't think she'll die do you, Carlisle?"

I felt something cool press once more to my forehead again. I think it was a hand.

But why was it so cold?

It was like ice and felt like stone. I couldn't take any more of this, I just wanted to let my body succumb to unconsciousness and never wake again.

"I'm going to do everything in my power that I can to help her, Esme." His voice was reassuring, but once more his tone sent a shiver down my spine. It still held doubt and fear. His hand ran back over my hair comfortingly and the gesture served it purpose. I fell off the edge letting the darkness envelope me.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

That infuriating beeping woke me.

I had no inkling of where I was or how long I had been lying here.

I think I was lying down, in whatever this was.

My throat burned and my chest ached something awful when I coughed. It felt too tight, too constricted and I battled for breath when my coughing ceased. My head was still throbbing and now my whole body was shaking violently in convulsions. I was trembling so hard I felt my teeth chatter.

I was freezing, or it felt like I was freezing, which seemed odd since I seemed to be wrapped in a half dozen blankets. I wanted to open my eyes and take in my surroundings, but my lids were so heavy and I knew I didn't have the strength to lift them.

Lying there I listened for noise around me and all I heard was a soft crackling. I couldn't place what it could be, but it sounded comforting.

"Edward, what are you doing in here?"

I recognized Carlisle's voice. But I hadn't heard him. Had he been in here the whole time? Or had he just walked in? I knew where these speculations were taking me. Right down another road of confusing observations that I did not have the necessary brainpower to process at this moment. I let it go.

"I smelled her,"

I felt my breathing hitch when I heard that. But it wasn't the "smell her" comment. I let that go.

It was the voice that spoke it. It wasn't Carlisle, but another male, one I had not heard before. His voice was strong like Carlisle's, but where Carlisle's voice was smooth and professional, this one was velvet and musical.

"Edward, you need to leave." Carlisle said firmly.

Edward. What a beautiful name. It matched his beautiful voice.

"Why is she here?" his voice was filled with resentment and venom, but it was still lovely.

"I was not going to let her die."

"Where did she come from?"

"We should talk about this somewhere else. You need to hunt, son. You really should not be in here."

Hunt? What the hell did that mean?

"She smells so…delicious." Edward murmured, his voice just a whisper.

"Edward," Carlisle's voice was firm again. "Leave now, go with Jasper and Emmett."

I don't know why but I thought I could feel a pair of eyes boring into me. Then I heard a low growl and the sound of a door shutting softly. My wrist was picked up and held gently, and a cool hand pressed to my forehead for the millionth time. It smoothed my hair back a couple of times. There was a soft murmuring above me but I couldn't force my eyes open. They were just too heavy from exhaustion and my body was too weak.

"How is she?" another new voice asked. This one was definitely female. High and silver, like bells.

"Not good," Carlisle said quietly. "Where is Edward?"

"He did as you asked him, went hunting with Emmett and Jasper. I don't see any problems with him and this room. I'm sorry I let him come back. I should've tried harder."

"It's not your fault, do not blame yourself, Alice. Nothing happened, that is the important thing."

"But something may have…" Alice's voice trailed off.

Alice. Edward. Carlisle. Esme. Emmett. Jasper. All odd, inconspicuous names. Unpopular even. Peculiar.

"But nothing did. Remember that, and do not guilt yourself. It's not your fault that she…smells different to him."

"What was that saying Aro told you about when you lived with him? For those who smell to us the way she does to Edward?"

"_La tua cantante_," Carlisle sighed flawlessly in what I recognized to be Italian. "She is his singer."

I couldn't take anymore of this senseless babble above me and I moaned. That set off another round of coughing. I felt Carlisle's hand slip into mine and hold me as he helped me sit up just a little bit. My coughing eventually subsided but I was left gasping for air and I could scarcely breathe.

"I really don't like the way she sounds. And her fever isn't going down, it's only rising. I don't think the antibiotics are working."

"You don't think she's going to make it, do you?"

Carlisle didn't answer. I felt his hand squeeze mine, but it felt like he was trying to comfort himself more so than me. Like he didn't want to let me go.

"I don't know, Alice. I'm having hope. I have other treatments I can try, but the best thing for her is rest."

"She's going to pull through." Alice said her voice a little closer now. It was very reassured, confident. Like she knew.

Carlisle just breathed, "Thank you, Alice," he sounded grateful, but it also sounded like he would need to _see_ me get through this before he believed her. He sighed again, "Her immune system just recovered from a cold when the pneumonia started, which was why she caught it so easily. Her system was compromised and walking around in the woods for three days in freezing weather and barely any food or rest did not help."

"You said she was a runaway?" Alice asked.

"Yes," Carlisle sighed heavily.

"And you think this is the same girl they are looking for in town?"

"I know she is. I went through her bag looking for some form of identification. I found several. She took all of her documents with her. I don't think she planned on ever returning home."

I didn't want to listen anymore. I didn't want to hear speculations about my life that I already knew. I attempted to breathe, Carlisle's fingers curling around mine once more.

I let my mind succumb to the blackness.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

This time when I woke up I actually opened my eyes.

I peered through them as they slipped open slowly taking in the very unfamiliar surroundings, and the slightly familiar ones. I was lying in a hospital bed hooked up to very familiar machinery, but I wasn't in a hospital. I was in a study or an office.

The walls were paneled in dark wood and massive bookcases containing hundreds of thick volumes filled two of the walls. The wall next to me was one of them, but part of the bottom of some of the bookcases was removed to make room for a huge antique fireplace, which was currently lit. Its light was warm and it crackled comfortingly. I knew I had recognized the noise.

The wall farthest from me was entirely glass, but from the angle I was currently in I couldn't tell what direction the wall faced. The centerpiece in this room though wasn't the glass wall or the beautiful fireplace. It was the massive mahogany desk just in front of the glass. Highly polished and impeccably organized on top. A high back black leather chair sat behind it.

The bed I was lying in was pushed into a corner I noticed, but not entirely. There was space on both sides for people to move around, which I assumed had been the purpose of positioning the bed just so. I started to sit up and the moment I moved the door opened and the most handsome man I had ever seen in my life walked through leaving it open.

He was tall, blonde, and had the kindest most beautiful face. He couldn't be any older than twenty-five. It wasn't possible. I knew at once he was the doctor. I could tell from the way he walked. Professional. A habit obtained from years of walking down linoleum tiled halls with a purpose.

But why did he look familiar?

"Welcome back, Bella," he said softly, his smile matching his tone, as he came to stand by my bed.

"How do you know my name?" I asked the first thing that flew to my mind. He'd said it with such familiarity, as if he'd known me for years. I swear I knew _him_ from somewhere.

I vaguely remembered hearing something about someone going through my duffle to look for ID, but from what I could tell of my bag sitting on a chair next to me it looked completely undisturbed.

"I found your wallet. I hope you don't mind. My name is Carlisle."

I already knew that, but I let him continue with his pleasantries. He'd given me no reason not to trust him, not yet at least.

"Nice to meet you, I think. Where am I?" I tried to sit up a little more but he placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Lie back, please. You need rest. You're currently in my home. I've been looking after you, I'm a doctor."

"I assumed that. I mean some of the things you've been saying…" my sentence trailed off when I saw his eyebrow quirk quickly and he looked at me with a strange expression.

"What kinds of things?" he asked. He sounded genuinely intrigued, but he also sounded cautious.

"Just…um, you know…medical…things." I said choosing my words carefully. Something told me I wasn't supposed to have heard anything. I looked up at him and I noticed his eyes for the first time. I'd never seen eyes like his. They were rich butterscotch, like liquid gold. Interesting.

"Ah," his voice was barely a whisper, and his face relaxed but it seemed like he didn't completely believe me. Ok, cue the nervous brain flutters. A very brief silence passed between us. Very brief. "Would you mind if I asked you a few questions?"

I sank back against the pillows and nodded.

"When did you run away?"

"Friday night." I had no idea how long I'd been out for.

"Where did you go?"

"I just started walking. I walked for three days, and then I found this house."

"What is the last thing you remember?"

_You and some female talking about completely nonsensical things that I want to understand but they're so farfetched that they can't be real._ "Passing out on your porch. Sorry,"

"Please, Bella do not apologize. No on in this house is upset with you."

_Except the one with the velvet voice, the musical one. _The beautiful one.

"How come I'm not in the hospital?"

"Your condition was so bad I didn't want to move you very far. And I was able to take care of you here, so I did."

"Thank you," I whispered, and I felt a light blush creep into my cheeks.

"You are more than welcome, Bella, and I think it would be a good idea if you stayed here until you are fully recovered. I have some more questions though."

"Sure,"

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen,"

"And have you graduated high school yet?"

"Yes, last year."

"How come you're not in college?"

I bit my lower lip in thought. I had hoped this topic wouldn't come up. It would make me think of things I didn't want to think about. "I took a year off," I explained simply. It was the easiest answer to give without making it too painful and going into too much detail.

"Three of my children did the same. They weren't ready to leave home yet."

"You have three?" I asked, completely stupefied.

"Five, actually. They're all adopted. My wife is…unable to have children so we adopted. They're all very close in age. Three, like I said, graduated high school last year. You may know them; Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper Cullen?"

"No, I don't know the name. Did they go to Forks high school?"

"Yes, they did. And Edward and Alice will be graduating this year."

"Cullen?"

"Yes,"

I bit my lower lip again. That was why I knew his face. He was Doctor Cullen. He worked at the hospital. I had seen him whenever I frequented the ER, which was rather often, but he didn't work in the emergency room. He was a surgeon. A very good surgeon, or so my father told me. The last I had heard of him he was being considered for Chief of Staff.

"Is something wrong, Bella?"

"No, I'm just tired." I lied. Honestly I just didn't want to deal with this anymore. I wanted more rest.

"I'll let you sleep then for now. I'll be back in a little while to check on you."

I nodded and settled back farther into the pillows as Carlisle tucked the blanket around me. My eyes began to close as he walked out the door. I didn't hear it shut.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	3. Mystery

**A/N: Chapter 2, edited. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

It was a quiet evening, a perfect night to hunt with Alice. I always chose her over one of my brothers. Alice was always the easiest to talk to and never fed me bullshit like Emmett would, and I couldn't trust my emotions when Jasper was around.

Today had just been another typical day where we tried to fit in amongst the humans of Forks High School. Our two brothers and sister, Rosalie, had "graduated" last year in our little charade, and Alice and I were to graduate this year. As far as anyone knew our three siblings were away at college. In actuality they weren't, they are still home.

But like I said, it's all a charade.

We try to blend in as best we can and for the past couple of years we've been doing fairly well. When the occasional beautiful day comes along we all stay home and entertain ourselves. The student body of Forks is under the impression that our parents yank us out for hiking and camping, and I've even heard some of them complaining about failed attempts at getting their parents to do the same.

I was ahead of Alice by maybe five miles when I stopped as a familiar fragrance filtered through my nostrils and I turned north taking off again.

_Stop and wait for me, please?_

I laughed and kept running, picking up speed just to irritate her further.

_Sorry little sister, I can't help if those pixie legs aren't as quick as mine._

Bless our ability to be able to have private conversations. Another reason I choose Alice over anyone else to spend time with.

_Show off._

I let out another chuckle that echoed in the dense forest and stopped leaning against the trunk of a spruce to wait for her. I didn't have to wait long. Five seconds later Alice broke through the foliage.

"You really, really need to start having some sympathy on me. Do you think its easy being this short?"

"Like I said, I can't help it, darling little sister, if you are slower than I am. Run faster," and I took off again in the direction I had smelled the herd of elk.

_Edward Anthony Cullen, when I get my hands on you…_

_Ha, as if._

I stopped as I came upon the small pond and remained on the edge of the clearing out of sight, waiting for Alice. She appeared at my side a moment later, her amber eyes livid. "Jerk," she muttered under her breath.

"I'll make it up to you." I gestured with my eyes toward the herd in front of us, completely oblivious to the danger lurking not twenty feet from them. "I will let you have you first pick."

"A very gentlemanly offer, my brother. Hm..." Alice's eyes quickly scanned over the herd and fell on the large buck. "That one," she nodded toward it, "is mine."

"Done,"

We separated and Alice went east around the clearing while I went west. We were ambushing the herd. I took a careful step forward toward the second largest elk and it picked its head up turning to look around. I didn't give it any more warning and sprung from the trees landing neatly against its side as my teeth sunk through the flesh and fur at its neck. The beast hardly struggled.

I drained the animal quickly and stood up straightening my shirt. Alice was already done with her large buck and waiting for me. "Could you feed any slower?" she teased.

"Excuse me for savoring every last drop," I flashed her my teeth and she returned a dazzling, dangerous smile.

"More?" she offered. I nodded and we took off after the rest of the herd. I let Alice pull ahead of me this time and she looked over her shoulder with a high silver laugh as she sprinted ahead of me. We were enjoying ourselves, letting loose after another uneventful day.

We came across the herd, which had stopped maybe three miles from where we found them initially. I sunk down into a crouch ready to strike, but Alice stood straight beside me. When I looked up at her, her eyes were distant and far away.

"Alice," I broke out of my crouch and took her shoulders in my hands. "What is it, what do you see?"

"Someone…new. Someone in our home. A girl,"

I gripped her shoulders a little tighter, "When?" I demanded.

"Soon," Alice whispered her voice softer than the wind.

"Is she one of us?"

"No, she's…human."

Human? "I don't understand,"

"We can't go back, not yet."

"Why not?"

"Because she…she…"

I shook Alice lightly. I hated it when she did this, withheld information from me. I could so easily pick it from her mind, but I would not intrude on my sister like that. I waited another half second for her to tell me, but she was so lost in her vision. I let her go and took off back home.

"Edward, no!" Alice screamed behind me.

_Too late._

_Don't go back, Edward, it's not safe!_

_You said she wasn't a threat._

_Yes, but not in that way._

I stopped. Alice caught up to me and grabbed my arm. "Edward we have to wait a few hours."

"Why?" I yelled. "What could possibly be so different about an insignificant little human girl? It's Jasper you should be worried about!"

"Jasper poses no threat to her, you do!"

"I thought you just said _she_ was the threat,"

"Yes," Alice sighed and gave my arm a yank. "I don't understand either, Edward, the visions aren't always clear and I'm not used to looking at those based around humans. Please, believe me."

"I do, Alice, I believe you, I would never bet against you. But what could be so dangerous…?"

I smelled it then. A sweet, floral fragrance unlike any flower I knew. My throat ripped into flames and venom pooled heavily in my mouth. It was faint, just floating on the light breeze, but it was there. I didn't realize how close to home I had come back. I tore myself from Alice's hold and flew through the trees. Only when I ran another five miles did I know that I wasn't close to home. I passed by a fir tree and stopped dead. There it was, hanging on the bark, that delicious fragrance.

Whoever she was she must have leaned up against the tree recently. I was almost home now. I could see the lights from the house filtering through the thick heavy darkness of the forest. I stopped at the back door and slid it open. The fragrance was so much stronger in here. It permeated the entire house. It was definitely feminine. And sweet. _So sweet._

I ran up the stairs to Carlisle's study and opened the door. I was unprepared for the sight that met me. The entire room was completely saturated with the heady scent of the girl lying in the hospital bed by the fireplace. Carlisle was waiting for me, sitting at his desk with a book already shut.

"Edward, what are you doing in here?" he asked, being perfectly rational, as he rose from his desk and came over to me.

I just stared at the tiny brown-haired girl wrapped up in thick blankets. She was hooked up to a heart monitor that was beeping softly. An IV was tapped to the back of her hand and two bags were hanging from the rack beside her bed. One was the standard nutrition and the other an antibiotic. Her skin was a sickly pale and her forehead was clammy. She shook violently and a rough cough escaped her chest.

"I smelled her," I answered simply, a moment after Carlisle had asked. I tried not to breathe through my nose, but the aroma was all around me. And the fire burning strong beside the bed did nothing to help. It only made the scent of this girl that much more irresistible and I tasted the venom in my mouth as it pooled once more.

"Edward, you need to leave," Carlisle said firmly. I could tell from his stance that he was ready to stop me if I sprung, but no matter how intoxicating and mouthwatering this girl was, seeing her lying there like that was enough to keep me still. I was reminded of all the dead bodies I'd seen over the last ninety years. Most of which had been in hospitals when I worked with Carlisle. He had helped me learn to control my thirst as he had, by forcing himself to be around humans, work amongst them where they bleed.

I looked back to the girl as a horrible choking sound ripped from her body. Carlisle rushed to her side and grabbed her hand helping her to sit up as she coughed. It was so deep and rough I didn't know how she wasn't bringing up blood with it, and I was immediately grateful that she wasn't. I didn't want to think about what could happen if her blood was spilled in front of me. I knew without a doubt I wouldn't be able to resist. The safest place for the sweet liquid was inside her.

"Why is she here?" I didn't mean for the question to come out as harshly as it did, but I hated how this girl made me feel so out of control. It was acutely unfair that she smelled so good. I wanted her gone so my family wouldn't have to suffer any consequences if I…slipped.

I tried not to think about it, standing here in this little room, a blazing fire making mockery of the flames in my throat as it warmed the rich bouquet of this girl's blood. The longer I stood here the harder it was becoming to not just grab her and take her away so I could drain her dry.

"I would not let her die," Carlisle said softly as he gazed down at the weak girl lying in the bed. I reached into his mind and picked out that this girl had come from nowhere and was very sick. Ever the bleeding heart, Carlisle had taken her in and was nursing her back to health.

"Where did she come from?"

Carlisle looked up at me, momentarily broken from his thoughts of worry for the young girl. "We should talk about this somewhere else." He turned away from her and looked me in the eye. "You need to hunt, son."

I knew he was seeing the darkness of my eyes, and through his mind I could see that the little amount of animal blood I had consumed did almost nothing to change the color. I needed more, and I knew it, but I couldn't leave this room. I wanted to stand here and linger in the luscious scent of this girl, whose name I still had yet to learn.

I knew I was going to hate myself for this later, but I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath taking in as much of the fragrance as I could and let it saturate my body. "She smells so delicious," I murmured.

Carlisle's eyes snapped to mine as I opened them, clearly terrified. "Edward," he said very firmly, leaving no room argument, "Leave now. Go with Emmett and Jasper."

I knew exactly why he recommended my two brothers. Emmett would be strong enough to hold me back if it came to that, and Jasper would keep me relatively calm. It was also an excuse to get him out of the house as well. Jasper and Alice were the newest additions to our family, and after living on human blood for the number of decades that he did before he found us, becoming a "vegetarian" vampire was not the easiest thing for him. I knew he could probably resist this girl easier than I could, but I doubt Carlisle wanted to take any chances.

I saw in his mind as he counted over the immense number of innocent people he had to watch die over the centuries. An innumerable number of them had been children. I didn't know how old this girl was, but glancing at her I wouldn't assume over nineteen. She was young, still a child in so many ways, and she was innocent. I couldn't betray Carlisle and take her life. I would never be able to live with myself. He's done too much for me, more than a monster like me ever deserved. And I owe so much more in return.

I stared at the fragile little human lying there barely alive. She looked so frail. No wonder Carlisle wanted to save her. He didn't want to lose another life when he could try to salvage it. It was the doctor in him. The practiced physician who had saved so many, and watched countless others die. He never blamed himself when he knew it was out of his hands, but that didn't erase the guilt. Didn't erase the pain of watching someone pass when you tried your hardest to save them, and in the end it still wasn't enough.

This poor girl was completely helpless.

I tore my eyes away and growled softly as I walked silently out. Jasper and Emmett were already waiting for me at the back door. Emmett with his massive arms crossed over his broad chest and an eyebrow quirked in question; Jasper leaning against the frame of the open door. He ran a hand through his dark blonde hair pushing it out of his eyes and then shoved both hands in his pockets.

I noticed he wasn't breathing.

"So, after all these years it's a human that finally affects you like this." Emmett said as I approached through the living room.

"Like what?" I asked, and I picked the thoughts from his mind. "Ridiculous," I scoffed and stalked past him and Jasper out the door. They followed and we broke into a light run jumping over the river and landed neatly on the other side before letting loose and taking off like lightning.

For the next five hours Emmett kept playing his thoughts over and over in his head, practically screaming them at me. What made it worse was Jasper agreeing with him. There was only one explanation for their ludicrous thoughts.

Alice.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

After Jasper deemed himself and I gorged enough on elk and deer to satiate our thirst around the human, we returned. However, both of my brothers lingered by my side as we entered the house.

The perfume of the girl's blood hit my nostrils with the force of train wreck. I growled low in my chest as venom pooled in my mouth, and Emmett grabbed me around my shoulders hauling me back outside.

Apparently gorged wasn't gorged enough.

Alice came out telling Emmett to let me go, nothing was going to happen. I would have control. Emmett loosened his grip on me and I stalked inside slamming the glass door hard enough to crack it. I collapsed on a couch in the living room beside Esme, who turned to look at me with a disappointed but knowing smile.

"I'll fix it tomorrow," I said squeezing my eyes shut and pinching the bridge of my nose.

Esme put the book down she was reading and wrapped an arm around my shoulders drawing my head down into her lap. I didn't fight, I didn't want to. I just didn't want to think about the little human girl lying in bed upstairs so helpless.

_So easy…_

It would require absolutely no effort to take her. It would be like sinking my teeth into the flesh of any other animal, just less hair. I didn't want to imagine how deliciously sweet her blood would taste on my tongue. My jaw clenched as venom filled my mouth once more. Sensing the tension, Esme started to stroke my hair.

"You are not weak, Edward. This happens to the best of us," her voice was low and soothing but her words made no sense.

"Has it ever happened to you?" I bit my tongue when I realized how harsh I sounded. "Sorry,"

Esme sighed, "It's all right, dear. And no, this has never happened for me."

"I don't know how to deal with this. I'm thinking I should just leave until she's gone and then come back."

I felt Esme tense and her fingers momentarily stopped rubbing my scalp. "You know that would hurt me." She said softly.

And I did.

I had already left once before. About ten years after Carlisle turned me.

Esme was not pleased. At the time we had been acting like brother and sister, but I always saw her as my mother for all intents and purposes. When I left to be on my own for a while she was devastated, but let me go, knowing as a good mother would, that I needed space. This is not the easiest…existence…to lead.

I came back and they both welcomed me with open arms. A short while later Rosalie joined our family and then Emmett after that. Both were turned by Carlisle as Esme and I had been, and all because we had been dying. Carlisle would never subject someone to this life if they had another choice.

"I know," I sighed and looked up at my mother. "And I will never do that to you again, I promise."

"You are a good son, but if you feel that, that is what you need to do you know I will not stand in your way."

"I know, but I still won't leave. This is where I want to be, and no little human girl is going to chase me away."

"Bella," Esme corrected softly.

"What?"

"Her name is Bella,"

Bella, God even her name was intoxicating. Who was this girl? And why did she have this effect on me? But that was only one mystery. I couldn't hear her thoughts. She was a complete mental mute to my ability. And that was just overly frustrating. I didn't want to cause myself the pain of trying to figure her out, but at the same time I welcomed it, and I _wanted_ to understand.

I must be a masochist deep, deep down.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

A week has passed since Bella Swan turned up on our doorstep, and I am nowhere closer to controlling myself around her. I was forbidden from going into Carlisle's office and it was suggested that Jasper and I hunted daily to control any urge. If even for one second I felt myself turning towards the upstairs I dashed out the back door as fast as I could and took down the first animal I came across.

It was known now that Bella was the same girl who had run away from Forks. Her father, the chief of police, had been to the hospital every day since she first disappeared. Carlisle said he was always expecting her to turn up in the emergency room. It was her home away from home he joked, and not heartily. He was clearly missing his daughter.

When Carlisle searched through the bag Bella had been carrying with her he found every single important document someone would need to prove identity. Apparently Bella didn't intend on returning home. But why had she run away in the first place? Surely her parents were loving, caring individuals. That much was obvious to my father whenever he saw Charlie Swan inquiring about Bella at the ER desk.

Something must have happened to push the poor girl to leave. Something drastic. But I just couldn't fathom what it could be. And until Bella was strong enough for full conversations, we were all in the dark.

She had finally opened her eyes today.

For three days Carlisle feared she would die, but Alice knew better. She always did, and like she saw, Bella pulled through. The only information he managed to glean from her was general nonsense, nothing overly important.

But Bella passed back out again before he could get into more personal questions and he let her be. She was obviously in no state for intense interrogations. She woke up again this afternoon when Esme brought her a light dinner. She had had ordered enough human food for Bella to stay with us for a full month. I looked through it all and found it entirely revolting.

It was late in the evening now and Carlisle, Esme, and I were sitting in the living room by the lit fireplace. Carlisle was staring into it, but I doubt he was watching the flames as they licked around the large logs. His gaze was far too distant and I picked up concern for Bella from his thoughts.

"She doesn't want to return home," he began quietly, lacing his fingers together under his chin as he rested his elbows on his knees.

I sat on the couch beside Esme, who had her legs curled under her and was leaning on the armrest. "Would she want to stay with us? She's more than welcome."

I glared at my mother.

"I don't know," Carlisle said thoughtfully, "I hadn't considered that. She's being very careful with what she says. I think she fears I'm going to contact someone to come and collect her." Carlisle didn't look up from the fire as he continued, and I continued to watch him and the emotions that flickered across his face.

"I haven't gotten a lot of detail from her about why she ran away, but from what I did delve it seems she feels that she was being neglected unintentionally at home. All she said was, 'there's so much going on right now I think they just forgot I was there,'." Carlisle quoted directly. "She described herself as being 'self-sufficient', that she can take care of herself and that her parents really didn't need to worry about her. Perhaps that became such a constant pattern that…"

"That what? That they forgot about the life of their own child?" I accused.

Carlisle just sighed and ran his hands up his face and back into his hair. I had never seen him so worked up over one thing before. Granted, I was worked up as well, but not for the same reason.

"Her mother is expecting her fourth child in a few months. Bella feels that with all the confusion going on and the already limited space in the house, it was easiest for her to just go."

"Bullshit," I muttered.

"Edward," Esme looked to me and I knew she was calling me out on my language. But it was bullshit. No child should feel they have to leave home for the family's benefit.

Esme shifted slightly on the couch "I feel absolutely terrible for her,"

"As do I, but what more can we do for her than offer her a home for the time being?" Carlisle mused aloud.

"She can leave," I muttered under my breath.

"Edward, the poor girl has nowhere else to go, and I will not turn her out to be homeless." Protested Esme firmly, her voice soft.

"Then send her home!"

"Keep your voice down, son." Carlisle chided. "We will not make her do anything she does not want to do. She has been through enough already, and forcing something like that on her will probably only cause her to run again. We could tell her to go home, but what assurance do we have that she actually will?"

He had a point. We could kick Bella Swan out all we wanted, doesn't mean she'll go where we tell her.

"Then what do we do?" I asked, raking my hand back through my hair out of sheer habit.

"I agree with your mother, we offer to let her stay."

"I don't know if I can handle that." I admitted quietly, my eyes on the floor.

Carlisle rose from his seat and came to stand in front of me. He leaned over taking my shoulders in his hands. "You're a strong individual, Edward, and I know you have control. I have much faith in you. If Alice foresaw any potential danger, we wouldn't allow her to stay. For her own safety."

"I suppose you're right." _As usual. _"Thank you,"

I rose from the couch and ascended the stairs intending to make a very quick pace past Carlisle's office. But as I approached the door I noticed it was cracked open. He'd been keeping it shut tight all week. Her smell drifted from the room enticingly. I took one step towards the door and stopped.

_No, keep walking Edward._ I told myself.

I backed up and turned to go back down the hallway heading for the second flight of stairs. I locked my door behind me and turned my stereo on letting soft classical piano saturate the air. I kept the volume low and stretched out on my black leather couch closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger once more.

No matter what I did to push all thoughts Bella Swan related out of my mind, I just couldn't. She invaded every part of me. And I didn't even know her. I didn't want to know her. I just wanted this ache in my throat to go away. Unfortunately the only cure for that was completely off limits.

The forbidden fruit always tastes the sweetest.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	4. Rabbit Hole

**A/N: Chapter 3, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

I wasn't sure how long I'd been sleeping but I awoke to find myself no longer lying in the hospital bed. I was in a much larger, much more comfortable king size canopy bed in a very large bedroom. I guess the good doctor moved me. I wasn't hooked up to machinery anymore either, and thank the Lord above that the needle had been removed from my hand. I hated looking at it. It made me sick.

I started to sit up in bed, and as soon as I did so the door opened and Esme walked in carrying a tray of food.

Why does that always happen? Do they wait outside the door for a cue to walk in at just the right moment?

It was a little mind boggling, but like everything else I let it go. I still wasn't ready to try and comprehend what was going on here.

"Bella," she said softly as she walked over and placed the tray down in front of me. She sat herself on the edge of the bed gracefully, moving like a dancer. When I first met Esme, I don't know maybe a few days ago, I knew instantly that she was the owner of the motherly voice.

She had a perfect heart-shaped face framed by waves of the softest looking caramel hair. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. And she had the same golden eyes that her husband did.

What are the chances?

"How are you feeling?" she asked genuinely.

I picked up a piece of toast and nibbled on it for a moment. It had the sweetest spread on it and I stopped mid-chew to look at it. "Honey butter," Esme said when she saw me inspecting the toast. "I hope you like it."

"I do, it's delicious, thank you." I finished the one piece and sipped the juice for a moment before responding to her question. "I'm feeling ok…definitely better than I was a week ago."

"That's good, Carlisle will be glad to hear that. He was so worried about you."

"I haven't thanked him yet for everything he's done. I owe him my life."

Esme reached over and placed her hand close to mine. I noticed that since I woke up, officially, that she and Carlisle, and a younger woman with dark spiky hair named Alice, had all refrained from touching me. And I wondered if it had anything to do with how icy their skin was. I knew for a fact that Esme and Carlisle were cold to the touch but I had no idea about Alice, or any of the other four Cullens I had yet to meet.

I assumed the one with the velvet voice, Edward, I had not seen yet because he was still in school and was probably swamped with studying. But the other three…the ones who had graduated and were supposedly taking a year off just as I had done, if they were home still why hadn't I met them?

As I ate I felt stronger and let my mind process everything that I knew. There were seven Cullens total. Carlisle, the doctor, Esme, the mother, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper, the graduated children, and Alice and Edward, the high school seniors.

Alice, I had noticed, also had the same strange gold eyes that Esme and Carlisle had. So what were the chances that the other four also had them? And if they were adopted, seriously what were the chances that seven people with no blood relations between them could have the same, _the exact same_, eyes?

They all, or at least the four that I've heard, have beautiful smooth voices. They vary from person to person. Carlisle's was professional. Esme's was compassionate. Alice's was silver, and Edward's…God, he had the most musical voice I had ever heard. If there was a better sound out there I wanted to hear it. No man should have a voice like velvet, but _he_ did.

I had no idea what Emmett, Rosalie, or Jasper sounded like, or looked like for that matter. I wasn't quite sure I wanted to know. Everyone else was already too confusing. They had skin like ice and it was stone hard. And they used words like, 'feed', 'hunt', and 'thirsty' as part of normal conversation, but not with normal meaning.

It was like I had fallen through the rabbit hole in this house. Except there was already an Alice here. I was cheated out of my excuse to claim insanity.

I yawned and stretched my arms and watched as Esme sat perfectly still on the edge of the bed, almost rigidly still.

She closed her eyes and sighed softly. "Would you like to sleep, dear?" she asked looking at me after a moment.

"No, I'm not tired. But…maybe I could walk around for a little bit. I would like to stretch my legs."

"Of course, I'll just check with Carlisle to make sure it's all right."

"Thank you,"

Esme left quietly and I sunk back against the large fluffy pillows that I had been propped up against. I let out a breath and looked absentmindedly to the unfinished food in front of me. I picked up the last piece of toast and nibbled on it slowly until it was gone and then downed the rest of the juice.

Esme was back as soon as I was finished. There was another thing I could add to my list. Impeccable timing. "Would you like a tour of the house, sweetheart?"

"Um…sure, but would it be possible for me to walk around by myself?" I know I must sound rude, but I really wanted a little space to think and figure this all out.

"If that's what you would like. Carlisle just wants you to remain bundled for now, so keep a blanket around your shoulders. Go wherever you like."

I rose from the bed carefully. I grabbed the fleece throw from the chair next to me and wrapped it around me as Esme collected the empty tray. She held the door for me and as she headed for the staircase at one end of the hallway, I went in the opposite direction. I walked past an open door and peeking inside I recognized the study, or office, whatever room it was. It was currently empty, but I knew it was Carlisle's.

I continued down the hallway admiring the artwork hung on the walls, noticing that many must have been priceless originals. The walls themselves looked so smooth I couldn't resist reaching out to stroke my fingers along them. They felt like satin.

I reached a staircase and decided against my better judgment to go up, but not before I noticed the large cross hanging above my head. It looked at least a hundred years old to me, but it wouldn't surprise me if it were older. It was beautiful nonetheless and well maintained.

When I reached the top of the stairs I was met with another hallway. There were three doors up here. The first opened to an atrium. Above me was a glass ceiling that let in an enormous amount of light for the plants growing in here. There were a ton of flowers all varying in kind and color. Esme must enjoy flowers all year round. There was also dozens of different plants and herbs. It smelled absolutely wonderful in here, not overpowering at all. I know my mother would love to have a room like this. She was a disaster when it came to gardening.

I was momentarily stung thinking about her, but I had made my choice. Things would just be so much easier for her with more room in the house. That was my justification. Anything else was too painful to think about. I shut the door to the atrium tightly and reminded myself sternly not to go back in there for the remainder of my time here. Ever.

The second door opened to a huge library. I stared around in awe at the sheer quantity of books in here. Three of the walls were floor to ceiling bookcases, including the wall containing the door. The last wall, farthest from me and directly across was entirely glass. I noticed chaises had been placed at strategic angles and they were tiny speakers on stands in all four corners and hanging from the ceiling as well. I wondered if Esme would let me stay in here instead of the insanely huge bedroom.

I shut the door with a grin on my face. I knew where I was going to be spending the rest of my recovery period. The last door was locked and I felt a frown pull the corners of my mouth down and I turned to head back in the opposite direction. As I was walking toward the stairs I heard the lightest creak and turned to see the locked door now cracked open.

Perhaps I hadn't turned the handle hard enough?

Yeah right, I know a locked door when I face one. I have two younger siblings that I don't always get along with.

I walked back down to it and pushed it open just a tiny bit. It was someone's bedroom, but whomever in the house it belonged to, they obviously weren't here. The far wall was completely glass, like many of the other rooms. I can't confirm this because I haven't seen it, but I'm just going to assume that the entire backside of the house is glass. A rich golden carpet covered the floor, matching the gold fabric that hung on the walls. I felt my brows draw together in confusion, but then I saw the impressive stereo system in the corner. Ah, good acoustics. I get it.

I didn't walk into the room, just stood in the doorway observing. A black leather couch was pushed against the west wall and the east wall was home to a massive music collection, a set of double doors that I assumed was a closet, and a single door I assumed was a bathroom. A desk was against the north wall next to the door and above it hung a flat screen TV. I noticed part of the glass wall was actually a floor to ceiling window and was currently open. A book lay open on the floor, like someone had left it there in a hurry.

The one thing that I didn't understand was why there was no bed. Just the couch, no blanket or pillows, just a bare, black leather couch. Maybe it wasn't a bedroom. Maybe it was a lounge or something. But the collection of personal items scattered about didn't lead me to think that. It was definitely someone's room.

Someone who had no need of a bed to sleep in.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

**EPOV**

As soon as I heard her walking down the hallway I felt every muscle in my body tense and venom pool in my mouth when I caught her scent. The doorknob rattled and I thanked the stars above me that I had locked it. If she had opened the door and let her scent in here I don't think I would've been able to stop. I froze for a moment in fear.

Yes, fear.

I had a couple of options open to me at the moment. I chose the coward way out, but I knew the rest of my family wouldn't see it that way. I heard her sigh in disappointment when my door didn't open and I waited until she was walking back down the hall before I dared to move. I unlocked the knob and let the door open just a tiny bit before I flew out the open window.

I landed on a spruce and hid myself in the branches watching. A few moments later my door opened slowly and I felt my unnecessary breath catch in my throat. The 5'4'' brunette that walked into my room with the royal blue fleece thrown across her shoulders was a far cry from the pale, sickly girl who had been lying in Carlisle's study not two days ago.

Her naturally pale skin was slightly flushed with a touch of color and her hair wasn't pulled back into a ponytail. It spilled down across her shoulders in soft brown waves. She was dressed casually in sweatpants and a long-sleeved t-shirt from what I could tell, and black socks. I watched her eyes roam around my room, appraising certain items and studying others.

She didn't leave the doorway as she evaluated my personal space, instead opting to stand there, almost uncomfortably. She took notice of the open window, and the book I had left on the floor haphazardly. Her head tilted to the side as she stared at it and I wondered if she was trying to read the print on the page.

But then one side of her mouth pulled up in a confused slight smile and she looked around my room once more. Her eyes fell to the open window once more and her gaze settled right on me, right where I was crouched in the branches hiding like the coward that I was.

Oh God, could she see me?

Certainly not, I was completely obscured. There was no way. But the gnawing feeling in my gut told me she could.

She looked away from the window uncomfortably, her eyes circling my room a final time before flicking back to the window, and she pulled the door shut behind her. I let out the breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. Unnecessarily of course, but I'd had good reason over the past ten days to utilize this human reaction.

There were so many things about Bella Swan that were such a mystery to me, the most important being why she smelled so utterly luscious when no other human, or vampire for that matter, ever appealed to me so. But the one I craved to solve was much more compelling. Why couldn't I hear her thoughts? I could hear everyone else around me, but not her.

Carlisle had tried explaining in theory that maybe Bella's mind didn't work the way all others did. Maybe it was a "frequency" issue. Like her brainwaves run on an AM frequency and I only hear FM. That couldn't be it. It was Emmett, the most absentminded, and single minded, of all of us to come up with an actual plausible reason.

Maybe Bella had a sort of "shield" over her mind that disallowed me from hearing anything. Of course I challenged my brother with, "Well then how come Alice's talent works with her, but not mine?"

Emmett had another stroke of brilliance then. "Because Alice's ability doesn't work directly with the mind, it's out of the mind. Like Jasper's ability. It works on the body as a whole, and not just the mind singularly."

I love my grizzly bear of a brother, but since when did he find such clarity when everyone knew that Carlisle and I were always the ones with the answers?

I let the memory of yesterday's conversation fall to the back o f my mind and jumped back through my window landing noiselessly on my floor and picked up the book. After leaving it on my desk I locked my door and walked over to my stereo to turn on something soothing.

This was becoming routine. Every time I thought of the enigma that was Bella Swan I usually found myself secluding to my bedroom where Mozart or Debussy would relax my mind and I could stretch out and think freely. After lying on my back along the length of my couch I shut my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. Another habit I was picking up. Brooding over all of these anonymities lately was giving me migraines, just not the ones humans experience.

I let the relaxing sounds of Van Morrison wash over me, smirking ironically at the song chosen by the 'shuffle' setting. I lay there listening to _Brown-Eyed Girl _and at the same time did my best to keep Bella from my mind. It wasn't easy. All I could think about was this little human and the harder I tried to force her from my thoughts, the more rooted in them she became.

She was obviously smart, she had at least thought ahead about what would be necessary to bring with her if she was running away with no intentions of going back. Most people just pack the first things their hands touch and high tail it. Bella had planned days in advance and waited for an opportune moment.

What is that supposed to say to me about her?

Well, let me think. It could mean she was as much a coward as I was, or it could mean she wanted to cause her family as little pain as possible, but that was a moot point the moment she decided to run. It could mean so many different things that I didn't want to expend the brainpower necessary to comprehend. And considering the processing capabilities of my mind, that statement shows just how much I've been pondering over this lately.

I thought back to how Bella had appeared when I first saw her. Weak and unconscious, sickly pale, and barely able to breathe. She had absolute vulnerability and it knocked me off my feet. Figuratively speaking. She was so frail. I felt instant sympathy for her, and for Carlisle. I can't imagine the guilt and pain he would be feeling now if she had died. But she hadn't. She was up and about, her hair down and her skin warmer.

She was…beautiful.

And I still hated her for making me want her so badly. I loathed her very existence. It was like she had been sent as my own personal hell to torment me with her delicious fragrance

_And delicious body…_

"No," I said loudly shooting up on my couch.

I lay back down.

_No, absolutely not. _

Bella Swan came out of nowhere into my existence and I would _not_ let her have such an effect on me that no other person in the last ninety years had not. It was just asking for trouble, both for her and my family, and I would not subject my family to the consequences that would surely follow due to my weakness.

And I already knew leaving was not an option. I couldn't hurt Esme like that again. It was selfish and unfair after everything she's done for me, and all the countless times she helped me through difficult moments. I owe her better than that.

I know exactly what Carlisle would say to me, "Do what you think is best, son."

And that was no help.

I knew Alice adored the girl who was taller than she was. Jasper kept his distance for the same reasons I did, Emmett had yet to see her. I knew Carlisle and Esme treated her like another daughter despite that she's human. It's absolutely insane to have her in this house full of vampires.

And of course Rosalie can always be counted upon to be the antagonist.

She hated Bella being here. Simply because she's human. And Rosalie wishes she still was. There are so many humans things my sister wants, and she can no longer have them because her body is forever frozen at eighteen. Never changing.

I had to get Bella Swan off of my mind.

The more time I spend thinking about her the harder it becomes to stay away from her. I want to be near her, and I can't justify it to myself. I can't imagine why. I assume it has to do with her blood and the ever-present lust I feel for it. Imagining how wet and sweet it would be on my tongue, how tender her flesh would feel when my teeth pierce it.

But my mind is screaming at me that my desire to be near her goes beyond my bloodlust. That I'm drawn to her for more than the obvious, pungent, reason.

I pinched the bridge of my nose harder and tried to shake off images of red and cream and sat up still holding my nose. It was impossible to push this girl from my mind. She was invading my every thought and making it hard to think about other things. And my mind wasn't exactly putting up a fight.

I _wanted_ to think about her, figure her out.

This was so unfair.

I crossed my room and grabbed the book I had been reading before Bella disturbed me. I had gone through the entire library just down the hall and picked the thickest, most boring book I could find. I chose one I had read many times knowing it had always provided a distraction when I needed one. But this time I couldn't get through the first one hundred pages before Bella crept into my thoughts.

And then she had crept into my room.

And now her scent was lingering, and I was doing my very best to ignore it. She had yet to see me, know me. I didn't want her to. As per Carlisle's requests I was to do my best to avoid her until I felt I could control myself, control my need to lunge at her throat.

I was a far cry from being even close to that. It was going to take eons, or at least it felt that way, until I gained that level of restraint. I sat down cross-legged on the floor and let my head fall into my hands as I picked up where I had left off. I couldn't make it another fifty pages before Bella invaded my mind once more. But this wasn't by thoughts of her.

That beautiful floral fragrance was coming in through my window. I got up and walked over to look down. I did the stupidest thing I could and inhaled deeply. Bella was sitting by the river by herself and playing with the water. Freesia and strawberries drifted up to my sensitive nose and I reveled in it. Venom pooled in my mouth and soon as I tasted it I slammed my window shut, closing my desire outside with her.

Where it belonged.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	5. Edward

**A/N: Chapter 4, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

I rolled over in the huge bed I had become quite accustomed to sleeping in and looked out the window to watch the sun rise. It was becoming a ritual for me. It was always a great way to start my day because it was different every morning, and always beautiful. I went to sleep at night excited to wake in the morning and watch red, orange, and gold bleed through the clouds and paint the room in warm, colorful hues.

I lay there watching the sun ascend slowly for the next half hour before rolling in the opposite direction to look at the time on my cell phone. It was almost six now, a reasonable time to get up. After discarding my new pajamas, courtesy of Alice along with an almost completely new wardrobe, I threw on jeans and a light v-neck sweater.

I wished Alice hadn't gone to the trouble of getting me new clothes, but she said most of them had already been purchased and were lying in her closet still in the bags. She loved to shop and always kept extra clothes on hand. I accepted them because it was polite and if I was honest with myself, I needed clothes.

I had been here two weeks and I couldn't keep surviving on the two pairs of sweatpants, three t-shirts and limited amount of underwear I had brought with me. After I dressed I pulled on my Chucks and laced them up before heading downstairs. I knew Esme would be awake, she always was, and was always waiting with a pot of tea for me.

She handed me the small cup with a smile and I sat down at the little round breakfast table. I chose a banana from the fruit bowl and started to pull the peel back. I was feeling more and more at home here now. Esme had extended a very polite offer for me to stay here as long as I felt necessary and I had accepted on the justifications that I was essentially homeless, and I was positive I wouldn't find better until I reached another town.

So I had decided to stay. And I'm glad with my choice. I felt welcomed here. Even though I _still_ haven't officially met everyone. When I was introduced to Emmett, who intimidated me to no end with his sheer size, I made a complete fool of myself by tripping over my own feet as I reached out to shake his hand. He simply just laughed and rumpled my hair.

I watched Jasper in the corner stiffen when Emmett did that, and Rosalie scowled. I learned later that Jasper and Rosalie were actually blood related, twins no less, but that still didn't explain the golden eyes. Another confusing piece to my puzzle was that Emmett and Rosalie were involved together, as were Jasper and Alice.

Rosalie was easily the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Even more beautiful than Esme or Alice. I took a real jab at my self-esteem when I first saw her and the halo of golden hair on her head. She had a body any model would die for and the face to match. Her voice was like wind chimes, high and golden.

Emmett, well, Emmett was like a bear to me. He had short dark hair and was both tall and broad with thick bands of muscles around his arms that flexed whenever he crossed them over his massive chest. But he hugged like a teddy bear and his personality matched that of a five-year old kid. He was energetic and easy going with a booming voice and booming laugh that I swore made the entire house shake.

Jasper was lean and lanky with blonde hair that looked like the result of him sticking his finger in a socket. But he was just as beautiful as all the other Cullens and had the same smooth voice, only a little bit…jazzier. I didn't quite know how to describe it, but it was soothing. Yes, that's it, it was soothing. And being around him was always a calming experience. Even if the way he kept his distance was unnerving.

The only hold out was Edward. Nowhere in the house that I've been have I ever caught sight of him. It was unsettling at most and I had the distinct feeling that he was avoiding me. He _had_ expressed a certain…reluctance towards me the first time I heard his voice. He hadn't sounded too thrilled about having me in the house. In fact he seemed almost as delighted as Rosalie. I had yet to earn more than a sneer and a death glare from her.

It stung a little bit that Edward was being so rude and he didn't even know me. He was judging me based on so little facts and even less substantial truths. He knew nothing about me and I knew nothing about him. I mean, I'm sure he has his reasons for feeling the way he does, but couldn't he at least extend the courtesy of a smile or a, "hello, I'm Edward Cullen," before making up his mind that he didn't want to be bothered with me?

No, he just flat out avoided me.

Well, I wanted to meet him, if only to demand to know what his problem was. But I also wanted to know if he was just as beautiful. If his looks lived up to his voice and name. He was a total mystery to me and I wanted to solve it.

I wanted to know the elusive Edward Cullen.

My fascination with him started the moment I first heard his voice and was only fueled more and more from what I heard about him from Alice and Esme. It truly kicked off when I had been out back a few days ago, sitting by the river fresh from a shower and just relaxing. I was kneeling by the bank with my hand in the water letting the gentle current weave through my fingers, pondering as to the lack of ice on this river, when I heard a bang behind me.

I looked back to the house and noticed the window on the third story, the open window from the room I had glanced around in, was now shut. But there was nobody there. The strangest sensation flowed through me, and I knew it was Edward who had slammed the window shut. And more so, I could have sworn I felt someone watching me down here. Like hateful eyes boring into my back.

It was the strangest feeling and I tried to shake it off but I couldn't. It took me a couple more hours, and a fruitless search through the house, to finally rid myself of the habit of looking over my shoulder every two seconds.

"What are your plans today, Bella?" Esme asked conversationally as she sat down with me.

I shook my head breaking out of my reverie and sipped my tea thoughtfully. I preferred it English style with a little milk and sugar, but it depended on the tea. This was just regular Breakfast tea, so the dairy accompaniment was acceptable. "I don't know, I was thinking of just going for a walk in the woods. It's really lovely around here and I would just…just like some room to think."

Esme reached over and patted my shoulder through my shirt. That was the first contact I had made since Emmett, and it had shocked me then when he offered me his hand. I could still feel the iciness of her touch through the cotton and I held back a shudder.

"Do you miss your family?" Esme asked softly.

"Esme," I started quietly, "I owe your family so much more than I could ever possibly give, and please don't think I'm sounding ungrateful or rude, but I really don't want to talk about that."

"I understand, dear. I won't pry. Now," she rose from her seat and looked at me with a sparkling smile. "Is there anything special I can fix you for breakfast?"

I couldn't say no to her enthusiasm so I asked simply for eggs and toast. She made me a perfect omelet and three strips of bacon not too chewy or too crispy. And everything was delicious.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

I was surprised that Carlisle had let me out in the first place, but he had said that maybe some fresh air would do me some good. After a short hike up and down a trail behind the Cullen's house I came back and showered off the dirt, debris, and sweat and changed into something comfortable.

I perched myself in the bay window in what was now my bedroom and read my favorite book for a while before deciding to lay down for a brief nap. I was now back in the window staring down at the river and just thinking. I let my eyes wander around the room and appraise what I had done in here.

I had a desk against the western wall on which now sat my laptop and iPod, charging in its dock. I had gotten rid of my cell phone after my first week here. It was a pay-as-you-go phone, and the limit on it had just run out. I made the decision not to renew it.

All of my clothes, old and new, were either folded neatly in the armoire beside the double doors that led into my closet, or they were actually hung in the closet, organized by fashion and style. That hadn't been my choice, but Alice hadn't really given me one to begin with.

On the opposite wall was the door leading to my little bathroom stocked with fresh, fluffy purple towels and cloths, and even a couple bars of purple lilac scented soap. It was my color of choice right now for decorating. My bed sheets at home had been purple. Esme provided the exact same ones when I described them, only in king size and not twin. They were a comfort and I longed to sleep in them all day, but I knew part of my new life now was getting up every morning and actually living my life.

"Good afternoon, Bella,"

I looked over my shoulder to see Alice poking her lovely head in the door. The sound of her twinkling silver voice broke me from my thoughts and I felt a smile stretch my lips. Alice had been very kind to me since I met her officially. It was hard not to smile when she was around. She filled the atmosphere with such bubbly optimism it was very difficult to feel negative.

"Hi, Alice. School's done for the day?"

"Yup, came to check on you, and Esme said you haven't eaten lunch yet so I made you a sandwich." She walked in carrying a tray with said sandwich and a glass of milk and a plum. This family was very good at keeping my meals balanced and nutritious. I would need to find a _really_ good cookbook as a thank you for Esme.

What did you make?" I asked turning in the window seat to face her.

"Tuna, I hope that's ok."

"Yeah, that's fine." I took the tray from her and started to eat while she floated over to my bed and sat down sinuously. That was the best way to describe how Alice, or the rest of the Cullens for that matter, moved. It was graceful. Although it was obvious that Alice was the most graceful. Watching her walk was like watching a ballerina dance.

I ate in silence for a couple of minutes while Alice looked out the window and around my room. I followed them as they landed on my nightstand and noticed the key for the locked drawer. Inside lay my scrapbook, photo album, all of my documents and my wallet. It wasn't that I didn't trust anyone. I just didn't want to lose them.

"You've settled in well," Alice commented quietly as her gaze fell back to me. I didn't respond and one of her perfect eyebrows quirked. "Still uncomfortable?" she asked.

"A little," I admitted as I chewed.

"I'll let you in on a little secret," she leaned in and whispered to me. "Esme loves having you here, and absolutely adores you."

"I can tell," I smiled as I spoke in turn, "She's very sweet. You're very lucky to have her for a mother."

"Thank you,"

Silence passed between us again as I finished the sandwich and fruit and polished off my milk. I placed the tray and now empty plate on the floor. It had been a perfect lunch. The tuna hadn't been too dry and the bread not too chewy. And most importantly there had been no celery in the tuna. I had a peeve about that.

"So," Alice's voice was soft and gentle. Oh no, I knew that tone. My mother always used it on me when she was trying to breach a subject she knew I didn't want to talk about. And Alice didn't fail my assumptions. "Do you want to talk?"

Esme must have gotten to her knowing I was more likely to open up to someone closer to my age and in somewhat of the same situation. Wise woman, I'm giving her a lot of credit. "About why I ran away?" I prompted.

"Anything, Bella, whatever you're comfortable with."

Oh yeah, Esme pulled her aside. "Well," I bit my lower lip. I really didn't feel like gushing my life story right now, so I tried the diplomatic approach. "I already explained everything to Carlisle."

"Yes," Alice nodded slowly, "but I can tell there's something more than that." Crap, she was sharp. I sighed and looked out the window instead of answering her.

I looked across the expanse of the backyard and my eyes fell on a young man with bronze hair standing by the river. It looked like he was either tossing or skipping stones across the width of the water. "Who's that?" I asked, although I already knew the answer.

As if he had heard me the young man turned and I heard myself gasp. He was beyond beautiful, pushing for a very close tie with Rosalie in that department. He had the most vibrant and wildest hair of his entire family and I wanted to run my fingers through to see if it was really as soft as it appeared as it was gently lifted and ruffled by the breeze.

I sat there studying the angles of his face. His strong jaw, his sharp cheekbones, his nose. Everything about him was perfect. I looked at his eyes last knowing what I would see there, and sure enough even from up here I could discern the buttery golden hue of them staring back at me. He was looking at me in fascination, where I had expected anger. I gasped again. His name left Alice's lips as I thought it.

"That's Edward," she said quietly, and I looked to her and then back out the window, but Edward was gone. How did he move do fast? I only looked away for a second, right?

"He's quick,"

"He's nervous around you."

"Why?" my voice rose an octave in surprise.

Alice just shrugged her shoulders. "Boys," she said nonchalantly.

I nodded like I understood but I knew she was making up some excuse, or even lying. Edward wasn't nervous around me, not according to the look on his face. That was intrigue, a wanting to maybe ask me something.

Alice sat with me for a long while after that talking about her life growing up in a foster family and in turn I shared my childhood stories. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to open up to her. Alice listened and politely nodded and smiled at the appropriate moments, and laughed out loud when I got to my recollection of Jessica and Mike as toddlers and how drew all over each other with colored soap. Her laugh was as twinkling as her voice and it rang like bells.

"Sometimes I wish I had a way to record all of these memories. I mean, I have my scrapbook but that's just recent years. I need a way to make these older memories permanent so I don't lose them." I sighed and stared out the window again. It was almost twilight, the sun halfway through its descent. Streaks of orange flew out turning the minimal cloud cover pink. I was surprised, I hadn't realized how long we'd been talking.

Alice reached over and closed the curtain closest to her blocking her from the approaching rays. "Sorry, the glare is really intense." She smiled uneasily at me. "Hungry for dinner?" she asked, her perky mood suddenly returning now that she was safe from the sun.

"I guess, but can I just stay up here?"

"Sure, I'll go downstairs and tell Esme to start cooking." Alice hopped down from my bed and danced gracefully to my door shutting it silently as she exited.

I decided to lay down. Alice had been right about the glare from the sun. It was intense and it gave me a sudden headache. I stretched out on my comforter and pulled a pillow over my face, suddenly exhausted from all of the talking. I'd told her everything. What had been going on with my family, where I'd intended to go, but that wasn't happening now. I cried a little, but I had done most of my crying the night before I left. I was almost over it now, but it still stung a little bit. There was suddenly a short, sharp tap on my door and I sat up, the pillow falling to my lap.

"Bella," a soft voice asked timidly, "May I come in?"

I knew it exactly who it was. No one else sounded like that.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	6. Don't Understand

**A/N: Chapter 5, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

As instructed I stayed away, keeping my distance for however long I felt necessary to get over the initial lust that was Bella's blood. I would never rid myself of the madness her luscious scent caused me, but at least I could get used to it, partially. It happened faster than I was expecting and I shouldn't have been surprised considering I was around her nearly twenty-four-seven.

The only time I was away was when I was helping to maintain the façade we'd created by going to school. And also when I hunted. For the past two weeks I hunted every day to satiate my undying thirst and at the very least to try and quell the fire burning in my throat.

But after two weeks of avoiding, of having to go to such precautions, and that one close call, I'd had enough. I am stronger than I am giving myself credit for, or maybe I'm just trying to hype myself up. I know I am weak and I hate to admit it, but I just can't stay away from Bella any longer.

I'm drawn to her now, and by more than just her blood. I hate admitting this, but after a conversation with my sister I can't deny it. I never bet against Alice, and although I strongly considered it this one time, I still wouldn't do it.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

_Alice took my wrist and pointed to the back door. "Go outside, brother, and go down by the river. Listen for us."_

"_What have you seen now, Alice?" I asked, frustrated that she was so cryptic with me, and also because she was hiding her thoughts. _

"_You're going to fall in love, Edward." Alice explained and her eyes looked up, "With her,"_

_I tore my wrist from her thin hand and snarled quietly. "Never!" I hissed. _

"_You really want to try and prove me wrong?" Alice challenged, one perfect, tiny, dark eyebrow quirking._

"_I will _not_ fall in love with a human! It will only cause problems for our family. And I would never be able to share the joys of a real relationship with her!" I gestured angrily toward the upstairs. _

"_You mean the physical pleasures?" Alice crossed her arms over her pert chest. "You know I would forewarn you if anything was going to happen. Assuming things won't work out is an insult, Edward." She spat at me. _

_I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. "I'm sorry, Alice," I whispered sincerely, "I do not doubt you and I am not assuming anything. I just do not see how a relationship between one of us and a human," I gestured upstairs again, "would turn out successfuly."_

_Alice smiled reassuringly at me and reached up to grasp my bicep. She couldn't reach my shoulder, "Have faith, Edward." She said simply. _

"_Easy for you to say," I sighed shrugging her off, "You know how things will end."_

*~*~*HG*~*~*

But I did as she asked and went outside and down to the river where I stood at the bank and skipped stones too easily across the glass smooth surface. This river never froze, mostly because it moved so quickly, but also because Emmett daily enjoyed crashing through the ice that formed overnight.

I listened to the conversation between Bella and my sister. They went on and on for a little while about Bella's whole story, and then she asked,

"Who's that?"

I turned to look up and there she sat in her window seat staring down at me. Her big brown eyes were filled with wonder but also with intrigue. I felt as though she were gazing into my nonexistent soul. And she was beautiful. Her skin was much creamier now, she had the pinkest little lips, and there was a hint of rose in her cheeks as we held our stare.

My eyes traveled down the soft column of her neck to where it met her shoulder. I could hear her accelerated heartbeat from here and swore I could see her jugular pulsing just beneath the surface of her delicious skin. Or maybe I'm just overexcited.

I finally tore my eyes away when she turned to Alice and took that moment to make my escape. I returned inside and remained downstairs until I heard the conversation between them cease entirely. As I was walking up the stairs intent on going straight to my room, I passed Alice.

She placed her hand on my shoulder this time and smiled the same reassuring smile she had given me just a few hours ago, "If you want to talk to her you can, nothing will happen."

"Thank you," I laid my hand on hers and returned her smile. Alice leaned up from the stair she stood on above me and kissed my cheek.

"Everything will turn out fine, brother. Have faith,"

Alice continued on her way and I ascended to the second floor taking unnecessary breaths as I reached Bella's door. Could I really talk to her, this fragile little human that I was more likely to kill in less than a second than have a civilized conversation with? I didn't know. But Alice seemed damned positive.

I took another breath and knocked lightly on Bella's door. "May I come in?" I asked tentatively.

"Yeah, sure," Bella breathed from the other side.

I opened the door slowly and took in the scent that saturated the room. Bella sat on her bed with one of the huge fluffy pillows in her lap, her head cupped delicately in one little hand.

"Hello,"

"Hey," Bella didn't look up from where she was picking at one of the corners of the pillow.

"How are you?"

Was that really all I could come up with?

"I'm all right," Bella sighed as she pushed the pillow from her lap and drew her knees to her chest and hugged them tightly.

"Just all right?" I still had yet to venture more than two steps into the room.

"You can sit, Edward, you don't have to stand there looking so uncomfortable." She offered glancing to her desk chair.

_If only she knew how uncomfortable I was_, I thought bitterly as I took the seat and turned the chair to face her. "You haven't answered my question." I observed, watching Bella gaze down the length of her legs to the comforter on the bed.

"Yes, just all right," Bella confirmed. She was lying and doing a horrible job. There was no mistaking the sadness and longing in her voice.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked slowly. I twined and untwined my fingers in my lap looking to the floor. I was asking more so because she was a mental mute to me. The first, and it was insufferably frustrating.

"My family," Bella mumbled into her knees.

"You miss them," I stated. Bella nodded. "You miss them a lot."

"Yes, Edward," Bella turned to face me. "Can you understand how that feels?"

"A little," I admitted with a breath outward. "How much did Esme tell you about our family?"

"That you were all very young when she adopted each of you, and that you're all around the same age. I think she may have mentioned that Jasper was the eldest."

"Only by a few months. Emmett is close behind him and Rosalie after him."

"How old is Alice?"

"A few months younger than I am. My birthday is in June."

Bella nodded slowly, although I knew she was simply filling the empty silence around us. She didn't want to talk at all. I recognized the attitude. As soon as I knocked on the door I could feel something around her shift, smell it in the adrenaline pumping through her veins. She was excited right now, where as with Alice she had been calm. I would go as far to say that Bella was even being cautious in this moment.

"Edward," she spoke my name softly, like a question.

"Yes," I replied just as softly, but made sure I was loud enough that she could hear.

"Why are you really in here?" Bella finally looked up at me. Her brown eyes spoke more clearly for the sadness she was feeling than she allowed to be revealed in her voice. There was hollowness in her beautiful chocolate orbs that did not belong there and I longed to make it disappear. No girl so lovely should look so lost.

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I…I'm tired of trying to stay away from you. I don't…I don't have the strength anymore."

"Why did you hate me so much at first?" Bella's eyes narrowed as she challenged me.

I hesitated, and it was a mistake. Bella looked back to the comforter on her bed with a sigh and I thought I heard a sniff. I then smelled the salty assurance of a tear that fell. My hesitation continued.

"You still hate me, don't you?" Bella asked breaking the thick, uncomfortable silence between us.

"I don't hate you, Bella." I breathed. "I just don't…understand you."

"Well I don't understand you either, Edward. You come off so strong, and there's this…anger around you. I don't know if that's typical for you, but it just feels so strong whenever…whenever I'm near. Don't think I haven't felt you around." Bella spat.

_Be careful, Edward…._ Alice whispered into my mind. _Watch your words to her, don't make her upset. I don't want to have to hurt you for hurting her. _

_Don't threaten me, Alice. I can take care of myself. _

_Be careful, brother, she's very upset right now. _

"What do you mean 'felt me around'?" I inquired, most definitely intrigued to hear her explanation.

"Sometimes I'll walk into a room and it'll feel like someone has just left. The air feels so thick I can't breath. And I know it's you! Everyone else behaves normally around me, well almost everyone but I don't care about Rosalie. Why do you vanish like that?" Bella demanded glaring at me. "Why do you always leave a second before I arrive. What is it about me that you detest so strongly?"

How could she feel like that? Oh I know, because she was exactly right. There was so much I had underestimated about this girl. I was livid and not from her accusing rant, but because she was right. She knew it, and I knew it. It wasn't fair. How could she perceive so much without so much as seeing me. How does she understand me when I don't get her at all?

_Edward, leave now, _Alice warned me calmly.

_Do you know what that will make her think?_ I challenged back.

_Don't worry, just get out of there before you become anymore incensed._

I stared Bella down as her eyes bored into mine daring me to object her. I hastily got to my feet knocking the chair over in the process and stormed from the room. It had been less than three seconds in between her last words and my retreat. I closed the door firmly behind me leaning my back against it.

"Go to your room, Edward." Alice instructed as she appeared in front of me. "I'll talk to her."

I noticed she was holding a tray with food on it.

I stepped away from the door and just as Alice was about to walk in I spun on my heel. "Why?" I asked her, meaning Bella.

"Because, Edward," Alice sighed. "She's trying to deny her feelings as much as you are." Alice opened the door then and walked in with Bella's dinner shutting it behind her.

I stood there for what felt like hours staring at the white barrier between me and the girl who was slowly but surely drawing me in like a moth to a flame. And I didn't understand it one bit.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

I left Bella alone for the rest of the evening and all throughout the next day. It was harder, though, because it was Saturday and I was stuck. I could leave if I wanted to, like any other high school student take this God given day off from tedious, uninteresting lessons I had heard hundreds of times before and go to Port Angeles and "hang out", but the sun was shining brightly. A rare thing indeed, and so here I sit on the couch in living room watching something on TV with empty eyes.

And even if the sun were not out today, I would still be stuck here. When I told Bella that I didn't have the strength to stay away from her anymore I was telling her only half of the truth. Not only could I not stay away, I didn't _want_ to. I _need_ to be near her.

It was going on late afternoon according to the degree of light coming in through the windows. I hadn't seen Bella all day, which had been my plan, and I was secretly saddened that it had worked. I was hoping to maybe catch a glance of her somewhere, but she proved just as capable of staying out of my path as I was at not crossing hers.

I passed my time today thinking about something she had mentioned to Alice yesterday, about wanting to be able to preserve her memories from earlier years in her life. Those years for which she had no pictures. The thought rose in my mind about something I could give her, something personal.

_I have dozens of them,_ I thought to myself, _blank and just waiting to be used._ I knew just the one to give to her. It was simple, but slightly elegant and had a touch of femininity to it. Alice had seen it online at the bookstore I frequently bought from and told me she wanted it to use as a sketchbook. I had liked the design on the cover so much I had ordered one for myself as well as my sister.

I got up from my position on the couch and clicked off the television before leaving the room. I trekked upstairs quickly, eager to get to my room and unearth that little blank book for Bella. It was buried at the bottom of my unused journals. I pulled it out and blew the dust from the cover. Just as I had thought, it was perfect for Bella. Something to record all of her thoughts and memories in and forever keep them safe.

I wanted to give it to her myself, but something deep down told me she wouldn't accept it from my hands. I was going to need my sister's help for this one. I went down the hall to the atrium where she was with Esme cutting some roses for downstairs. I took in the sweet floral scent of the flowers, but they did no justice to Bella's own freesia-like fragrance. I would have to request my mother plant some so I could keep a small amount in my room.

"Alice would you mind giving this to Bella on behalf of myself." I held the leather journal out to her. Alice put her clipper down and took the journal giving me a bemused look, which only lasted one moment, and then she saw.

"Yes, of course. She'll love it, Edward." Alice said confidently. "But why this one?"

"It was just the first one I thought of when I decided to give her one. Didn't you see that?"

"I saw you contemplating a gift, but not specifically this." Alice held up the journal. "I'll make sure she gets it."

"Thank you, Alice." I turned to go after giving my sister a brief hug but turned on my heel.

"Esme,"

"Yes, dear,"

"Don't worry, Edward. There will be plenty for you soon." Alice smirked at me. Esme looked to her tiny spiky-haired daughter with confusion. "He wants some freesia up here because they remind him of Bella."

"Ah, of course, Edward. I'll plant them today for you."

"Thank you, Esme." I kissed her cheek in gratitude and turned to leave before Alice had too many visions. I wouldn't want to know how they ended.

I walked back down the hall to my room and turned my stereo on putting my disc changer on random. I sighed as the Kings of Leon began to play and moved to stand at my window looking out across the expanse of wilderness around us. The river down below to the south, the masses of spruce and fir trees fighting for dominance, and the little brunette currently trying to climb one of them.

Bella hoisted herself up onto the first branch that was just above her head and pulled her body up so she could throw one leg across the branch. I watched her as she steadied herself and then stood up and reached for the next branch. She pulled her thin, lithe body up further already reaching for the next branch above her. She made it ten feet up the tree without any difficulties, and then as she reached for the next branch her foot slipped and she lost her balance falling from the thick branch she was standing on.

I almost flew out the window to get to her, but Bella grabbed the branch she had slipped on and wrapped her arms tightly around it in a vice and quickly threw a leg up and over. I was very impressed. She steadied herself and went back to reaching for the next branch. Bella carefully hauled herself up with ease. I finally took the moment to realize that she had chosen one of the few trees with very little snow on it. Now I understood why she was having such an easy time with climbing. But why was she doing it in the first place?

Bella finally stopped when she was twenty feet up the tree and reached up one last time from where she was straddling a thick branch. Her hand brushed something, but I couldn't see what it was. Then very carefully and very slowly she started to pull something down from a branch. When she had it in her lap I recognized the object as an abandoned bird's nest. Had she really just climbed that tree for a bird's nest?

Bella made her way down even slower than she had gone up keeping the nest cradled to her chest the entire time. I allowed myself to breathe when her feet touched the ground. She stood there staring at the bird's nest in her hand. It was almost completely perfect. Only a few holes in it here and there.

I watched Bella walk back inside with her prize, she had never even seen me up here. I heard her downstairs along with my sister's voice thanking her, insisting she could have retrieved the nest herself. What did Alice need it for?

_I have a stupid science project due next week and we need to bring in something from nature. Don't ask, it's so unexciting. _

_Why did Bella get it?_

_She insisted, said she needed to get outside for some air. I didn't see her getting hurt so I relented. Don't be upset with me. It presents the perfect opportunity to give her your gift. _

_All right, fine. But don't let her do it again._

_You worry too much, brother, you're going to go gray._

_Ha ha, not funny. _

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	7. Gift

**A/N: Chapter 6, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

I had to argue with Alice to the point where I wanted to rip not just my hair out, but hers as well. She finally relented and let me climb a rather tall spruce to fetch the bird's nest, which I knew would be perfect for her science project. I had taken the same class and that's exactly what I did. Except the tree I had to climb had been much shorter and there were no leaves on it this time of the year.

I was very proud of myself when my feet touched the ground. I had only slipped once and my gymnastics skills from my childhood lessons had come in handy just a bit. I carried the nest inside carefully and started telling Alice about which birds could've built it. She seemed pretty interested and thanked me for it.

I think maybe she had already seen exactly which bird had used before it had been abandoned, but she let me prattle on and share my wisdom. I needed to feel special. It felt good. Afterwards I said I was going upstairs to take a hot bath. She promised to bring me dinner and leave it on my bed. Lately all I would do is explore the surrounding area, come back, clean up and relax for the day. It was simple, it was easy, and no one ever asked me questions. Plus, there was more than enough wilderness to keep me entertained for months.

I just didn't know if I planned to stay that long.

After settling into the hot water and bubbles I propped my feet up at the other end of the tub and leaned my head back. I tried to relax but all I could think about was Edward. What had prompted his visit yesterday? Why the sudden interest to talk to me when for the past two weeks all he's done is avoid me?

And he thought I didn't notice.

Sure, I won't notice it when someone deliberately shuns me. I got enough of that back home. I wasn't expecting it here after being exposed to so much warmth from two people who weren't even my parents. I allowed myself to feel jealous for a moment of Alice and her siblings. It was obvious that although they were not biologically Carlisle and Esme's children they were showered with copious amounts of love and affection nonetheless.

I didn't compare them to my parents, that wouldn't be fair.

I decided to go back to thinking about Edward, although I really didn't want to. He was perfect in every way, so much so that I felt completely inadequate around him. I felt the same insufficiency around the rest of his family, especially Rosalie, but never so potently as when I was around him yesterday.

He had the most beautiful face I had ever seen. Perfect cheekbones, perfect lips. His skin looked as though it was carved from marble, but smooth as satin. Everything captivated me, from the angles of his gorgeous face to his large strong hands. They looked like musician's hands. I immediately wondered then if he was the one that played the magnificent, black grand piano downstairs.

Sometimes I often heard music drifting from the front room, but as soon as I got close whatever lovely melody had been issuing from around the corner would stop abruptly and no one would be at the bench when I walked in. I suppose it was safe to assume that it was Edward who played, anyone else would probably have stayed in the room and told me a little bit about the piece he or she was playing.

But not Edward. Edward just ditched and ran.

I let out a sigh and noticed my fingers and toes were becoming a bit pruned so I stood up carefully and grabbed a towel from the rack next to the tub. Once I was wrapped up tightly I drained the water out and went to look at myself in the mirror. I would never be as beautiful as him. I ran my finger along my own cheekbone imagining it was his finger. I bet his touch was gentle, as soft as his skin.

No, I would never be that perfect, and why would Edward Cullen want to waste his time with me, a nobody?

I quickly yanked my brush through my hair and pulled it up into a knot for sleep. When I stepped out into my room I noticed Alice had left a tray with dinner on it for me. It was still hot, since steam was rising from the delicious smelling food. But next to it was a small place card, underneath which lay a beautiful brown leather journal.

I picked up the place card reading the only two words written on it in flawless, elegant script.

_For you_

I picked up the journal and noticed the stunning embroidery done on the cover. It was tied shut with a multicolored piece of string long enough to wrap around the journal twice. I quickly opened it and started flipping through the blank, creamy pages. As I was about to shut it I noticed a note had been written on the inside cover in the same script as the note.

_So you can keep all of your treasured memories safe_

I smiled broadly and quickly dressed ignoring the hot meal on my bed and went to find Alice. She was downstairs playing chess with Edward, who to my shock didn't run from the room when I entered. They both looked up from the board, their expressions that of deep concentration. They must not have been playing long only two pawns were moved.

"Thank you," I breathed, indicating the journal in my hands.

"It's not from me," Alice smiled, and she looked to her brother. My eyes followed hers and I immediately blushed when I saw how intently he was staring at me.

"I...It's from you?" I stuttered, unable to explain to myself how he knew that this was exactly what I wanted in order to record all of my childhood memories I didn't have pictures for.

"Yes," Edward said simply. "Alice mentioned you wanting something like that, and I have so many of them not being used so…you're welcome."

"Thank you, I promise to make good use of it." I smiled briefly and was shocked when Edward managed a tiny smile in return. He was even more beautiful. Unable to wait to start writing, I thanked him again and let them get back to their game as I dashed upstairs.

I quickly ate the dinner Esme had made for me and then settled down at my desk to begin with one of my most favorite memories.

I wrote for almost an hour about the first time I could remember fishing with my dad. It had been just him and me sitting on the log by the river waiting for the fish to bite. I was about six at the time, finally old enough to hold my own fishing pole, although not strong enough to reel in the little fish that I caught. I remembered Charlie standing behind me and helping to give the line some slack and then reel it in. He was the proud father taking a picture of me with my little fish. A picture that I unfortunately never saw except for one time before it got lost amongst the junk in our house.

I shut my journal with a happy sigh, having filled five pages with the pleasant memory. I put it away in the locked drawer next to my bed and left the key on top of the nightstand. That night I dreamed a happy dream of camping with my family once many years ago. It had been the last time we went camping before all of the kids started to grow up and suddenly it was not cool to be seen with your parents.

I remember wishing hard all throughout high school to go on one more camping trip before I graduated and left. I wound up taking a long weekend last June with Angela, my best friend, and the two of us camped out near the hot springs. We even tried fishing a little, but nothing was biting. It had been a fun trip, but I wished the entire time I had been able to share it with my family.

I woke up the next morning feeling both happy and sad. I immediately grabbed my new journal from the drawer and started recording the memory I had dreamed about the night before. I heard a knock on my door at some point and glanced at the clock realizing I had spent almost two hours now recording my thoughts. I not only reflected on the memory but also expressed how much I wished in the past years my family had gone out more and done stuff together. I missed the adventures and fun times of my childhood.

Esme walked in with a bowl of Cheerios and blueberries for me along with a cup of coffee. "Thanks, I was going to come down eventually, but I wanted to write."

"That's a very good thing, Bella. I'll let you keep at it." Esme placed my breakfast down on the desk and left as quietly as she had entered. I ate slowly, pouring over my journal and paying less and less attention to the cereal. More happy memories came to me and I let the words and smiles and happy times fill the pages of Edward's wonderful gift.

I would never be able to express to him how much this truly meant to me. He was giving me such an opportunity and I was shocked at how I had jumped at it. I thought it would've been too painful to relive all of those happy times, but it was proving more therapeutic than sorrowful.

It was around one in the afternoon when I finally put my journal away. I had scoured through the two photo albums for doubles of some pictures that I knew I had and pasted them into the journal. I was smiling happily with Jessica at her sweet sixteen in one of them, my little sister dressed head to toe in pink. She looked stunning but overdone.

Another picture was one of the family at Christmas time. We all wore matching red outfits that varied, but were basically the same. Jessica, my mother, and I all wore red dresses, Jessica's being the shortest, and Renee's being the longest. My father and Mike work dark slacks and red sweaters. It was cheesy, but it was nice, and it was one of the last family photos we had taken before life started getting in the way. It was only two years ago, and I was glad I had doubles of the picture. It was one of my favorites.

I took a quick shower and wandered downstairs with my dirty dishes cleaning them out and placed them in the dishwasher, which was surprisingly empty. You'd think with such a huge family, and a guy as big as Emmett, there would be more breakfast dishes in here.

I started wandering through the house and was tempted to go back up to the library and find something to read, but that last time I had been in there it looked mostly like old medical texts and college books. There were some novels, a lot of boring romances that probably belonged to one or all three of the other women in this house, and some foreign literature I would never understand. Someone around here spoke several languages apparently and enjoyed literature from each culture, in its original text.

It was probably Carlisle. He seemed to be the most accomplished being the doctor. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the books belonged to Edward, he seemed ready to follow in his Carlisle's footsteps, even if his two brothers were not.

I decided to stay downstairs and tried watching a little TV, but nothing good was on, as usual. It was too cold today to wander around outside. It was also oddly quiet in the house. I had yet to see anyone besides Esme, and I had seen her for all of five seconds before she disappeared again. It was Sunday, right? Shouldn't everyone be home, and Alice and Edward working on homework or something? Even if they did go to church surely whatever service they may attend would be over by now.

But that was farfetched. Even with a beautifully carved cross hanging in the upstairs hallway, I doubted this family attended the church in Forks on a regular basis. I would have seen them on the Sundays my own family occasionally made an appearance. So I just settled down on the couch and tried to get interested on whatever show was playing on the Discovery Channel at the moment. It was my favorite channel to watch when I was bored, but some of the shows never really caught my interest.

"Sulking are we?" a familiar velvet voice said behind me. I turned sharply, gasping in surprise to see Edward standing behind the couch watching me. I hadn't even heard him approach.

"No, uh…trying to pass the time. I'm bored." I muttered, turning back to the TV as a deep blush swept across my face. I fiddled with my hair moving it across my shoulders to create a curtain around my face so Edward wouldn't see the red creeping into my scalp. Why did I always blush so much around him? Oh that's right, because he's too beautiful for his own good.

"What about your journal?" Edward asked nonchalantly as he moved around the couch.

"I wrote in it for an hour last night and hours this morning. I don't want to get carpal tunnel."

"I'm sure my father would be able to help if you did." Edward smirked at me.

I just narrowed my eyes at him. "Wouldn't he have to shoot electrical currents down my arm to find out where exactly the damaged nerve was?"

Edward seemed a little taken aback by the cynicism in my voice and it showed in his face when I looked over at him for a response. It wasn't funny, "Not a fan of being electrocuted?" He teased flashing me a dazzling crooked smile that I nearly lost myself in.

"Not particularly," I said quietly, and quickly threw my hair across my shoulder to create a curtain once more. I heard Edward take a sharp breath and he hastily excused himself.

Whatever, I was used to this attitude from him. I turned my attention back to the show with renewed interest and did my best not to think about Edward Cullen.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

_Disneyland 98'_

_I was shocked when I discovered there were no pictures left from this trip. I remember showing off my pictures with all of the Disney princesses when we got back. I even had a Disney princess theme birthday that year. I was going on ten, Jessica was almost eight and Mike had just turned six. We were all so excited to go. It was one of those summer family vacations. Actually it was a surprise. We all had packed to go camping, like we normally do during the summer, and when we woke up in the morning there were Mickey Mouse hats sitting on our beds. _

_I can't even begin to describe how much Jess and Mike screamed with happiness. I was just as excited, but I had always been the more reserved and mature child. So I just yanked on my mouse ears and helped my mother to bring all of our luggage downstairs. My parents had sneakily packed proper clothing for California and left everything in their bedroom. It was such a perfect guise for children. _

_I don't really remember the flight that well since we had been up early and I most likely slept the entire way but I do remember Mike crying like a baby during take off and Jessica bouncing happily in her seat as we got closer and closer to our destination. There were some other families taking the same vacation as us and my parents chatted with them. That's all that comes to mind when I think about the flight. _

_As soon as we touched down Jessica couldn't keep still. She kept going on and on about how she couldn't wait to meet Cinderella and get her own ball gown. I knew exactly the princess I wanted to meet. She always was and always will be my favorite. I related to her more so than other Disney princess and it wasn't just because we had the same love of books and similar names. _

_The day I met her I wore my mouse ears and my favorite new t-shirt. Our parents let us pick one up each in the hotel gift shop and I immediately ran over and grabbed it. As we waited on line I clutched at my little pink autograph book with Minnie Mouse on the cover and couldn't wipe the grin from my face. I remember walking into the room where we could meet the heroes, heroines, and villains of all the Disney films. She stood off to the side with Ariel and Sleeping Beauty and was ushering children forward for pictures. I waited patiently, gazing at her simple blue and white dress. Honestly I had been expecting the yellow one, but I was sure she was saving that for special occasions just like in the movie. _

_When I was finally able to walk over and greet my favorite princess I professed just that and told her all about my love of reading and how our names almost matched. She took pictures with me and I smiled happily as I got a huge hug, and then she handed me something from the box on the table behind her. It was an invitation to have a private lunch with three of the princesses, her being one of them. I was so thrilled I couldn't contain my glee and hugged her again. Jessica received a ticket as well. Later on we found out that my parents had planned that and paid an extra X number of dollars for it, but when they saw how happy Jess and I were I knew that they knew it was worth it. _

_Mike got to have lunch with some of his favorite heroes, which left my parents alone for the afternoon. I remember them looking blissful when they picked the three of us up afterwards. We spent the rest of our week going to the various parks, spending an entire day alone at EPCOT center. It was one of the best vacations I can remember having with my family. I'm glad I can write it here so it will never be forgotten. _

I finished the entry with a rough sketch of the mouse ears cap I had worn everyday that week. I closed my journal and wrapped the tie around it tightly before locking it away in its drawer. I reached behind me and fluffed the pillow before letting my head slump against it and sleep take me.

I wrote in the journal that Edward had given me religiously. At least once everyday. I made sure I kept my script neat and as small as possible but still legible. I wanted to be able to still read it for years to come and I didn't want it to fill too quickly. It was a rather thick journal to begin with, but I still wanted to make it last. I was tempted to even let Edward read it.

But not yet.

I wanted it filled with my happy memories before I would allow him to be privy to them. I wanted to even leave him a note at the end telling him what I really thought about him.

How I really felt.

But not yet. Not yet.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	8. Close Call

**A/N: Chapter 7, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

It was becoming easier and easier to be around the mysterious creature known as Bella Swan. At this point it was almost effortless, probably because we were spending more time together. After she called me out on always avoiding her I thought long and hard about everything she had said and came to the conclusion that she was absolutely right.

But I no longer had any reason to avoid her. Her scent still drives me crazy and when I get angry I distance myself from her, but I'm never angry with her, it's usually from the mundane and stupid shit I have to put up with at Forks High that always rattles my cage. Not only did I know more than my instructors, I could probably lead the classes better and have everyone earning straight A's within a month.

When I get home Bella is usually writing in her journal and I don't disturb her until she is finished, or she is watching Discovery Channel with Esme. Normally it's the former, and I'm pleased she loves it so intensely. I was sure she would. And it makes me elated that she's putting it to such good use.

She's been here almost two months. Yes, her parents are still keeping the search open. They have not lost faith that their daughter will come home. But Bella shows no signs of wanting to leave, and I hope she doesn't. I don't think I could bear to be away from her.

I know right now all she wants more than anything is to just stand on her own two feet and be independent. She's professed to having been doing that for years now, but doing it all alone without her family tying her down had been a dream that college was supposed to bring true for her, and she had willingly ripped it from her life.

I still don't completely understand the justification Bella uses whenever we talk about why she left, but there are a lot of things about the enigma that is Bella Swan that I have yet to understand and to learn.

I find myself wanting to be around her more so because of whom she is, her personality more so than her delicious scent. I've only once allowed myself to fantasize about the sweet taste her blood would have on my tongue, but that was only because she was coming back from Alice's shower wrapped in just a towel and her hair done up. Alice apparently had gotten her little claws on Bella and showed her how to style her hair a little bit better, meaning how to wear it in something more than just a ponytail.

But seeing Bella wrapped in just that towel and the little ballet flats had sent my mind reeling and I had to quickly run back upstairs and justify to myself that I was always hard to begin with, and the current rod in my pants was in no way connected to Bella.

In the end I knew I was lying and now I had another problem to face. The lust for her blood now battled with this newfound lust for her body. Seeing her almost utterly bare before me and so vulnerable made the venom pool thickly and disgustingly in my mouth.

Bella is beautiful, more beautiful than she probably knows or wishes to acknowledge. But beautiful she is, and sometimes I can't help but just stare at her as we talk on some afternoons. Her laugh is light and infectious. The way she bends her knees to form angles and presses her feet together when we sit and bends over them stretching out her back is the cutest thing I have ever seen. And her blush…

Oh God her blush…

It is that blush that drives me wild. Watching the blood pool there just below her creamy, ivory skin…Thinking about it definitely did not help.

I had noticed recently that Bella has not been sleeping much at night, opting instead to stay up and read. And I also noticed that she's reading the same six books over and over again. But maybe she was doing more than reading. Her door is always locked at night, but light spills out from beneath the crack and I hear quiet music playing from her iPod.

Her taste is varied, and some of it impresses me. I would not have picked her for a Dropkick Murphys fan, but the Linkin Park and Evanescence that she plays seems written for her. One night as I walked past I thought I heard Kings Of Leon, but I could've been mistaken. I was distracted at the time thinking about what she could have been doing behind that closed door, but I backtracked and stood there listening for a moment.

After, I ventured upstairs to my room and shut my door taking out the same album from my collection and turning it up. I didn't know if Bella could hear one floor down, but I was playing the music to let her know she wasn't alone. I would be there waiting in the shadows. No on deserves to feel so alone, even if you have two families that love you.

_Bella_, I thought knowing she couldn't hear me, _I know how you feel_

*~*~*HG*~*~*

I don't know why I chose tonight, but I made my way down the stairs from my room to the second level where I knew Bella was lying awake in her bed for the fifteenth night in a row. I stood outside the door taking unnecessary breaths as I listened to her turn from side to side over and over again as she tried to force sleep to come.

I didn't know what was causing this insomnia with her, but I knew from my own vampiric experience, it was not pleasant. The only difference was the purple bruises she would have under her eyes in the morning would not be from lack of feeding.

Gathering all of the courage I could I reached for the doorknob and I was about to turn it when Alice's warning rang clear as a bell in my head.

_Be _very_ careful brother. Do not let things get too far._

I didn't respond. I didn't even bother checking her thoughts. I simply heeded her warning and twisted the knob opening Bella's door silently. I stood just inside the room watching her lie wide-awake on her bed.

I could smell salt. Bella sniffed quietly, confirming her tears. I shut the door just as silently and ghosted to the center of the room.

"Bella," I breathed, barely loud enough for her to hear. She immediately sat up in her bed staring at me, shock crossing her face and she reached for her light. "Don't turn it on," I said quietly. Bella pulled her hand back, her eyes never leaving mine.

"What are you doing in here?" she asked as she moved closer to the center of her bed.

"I thought I heard you crying." I confessed.

Bella sniffed again and stroked her thumb under her right eye. "Yeah, a little," she admitted.

"Are you all right?" I asked tentatively. _I wouldn't have to if I could read her mind,_ I thought bitterly to myself. Not even Carlisle, who had been pouring over vampire legends and notes he had made from various travels and encounters with other nomads, had no answer as to why Bella was a mental mute with me.

"I am now,"

"Are you sure?" I asked, stepping a little closer to the bed.

"No," Bella laughed lightly. "I've just been thinking a lot lately."

I stood there like a perfect statue, something I was very good at. No words issued forth from my mouth, I couldn't even come up with a valid response.

"Are _you_ ok?" Bella asked, breaking the awkward silence between us.

"I'm fine," I whispered, not knowing if I spoke loud enough for her to hear. She obviously did because she reached out and patted a spot on her bed. I wasn't sure if she was serious, but she watched me intently as I moved closer. I got up on the bed and sat down just a couple feet from her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Bella sighed heavily, glancing around in the darkness. "I've just been thinking…that maybe I've overstayed my welcome."

"Why,"

How could she think that?

Wasn't it so obvious we loved having her here?

Esme was ecstatic to have someone to care for who actually needed a mother. Alice had someone she could dress up, although I wasn't particularly keen on that one. Emmett got loud laughs from Bella's clumsiness. Me…well I think we all know where I stand on this.

"Not everyone is comfortable with having me here. You know that. I see you twitch from time to time when you're around me, Jasper too, like something is causing you both pain. And let's be honest, Rosalie will _never_ like me."

"That's Rosalie, you just need to learn to ignore her. She's not important." I said nonchalantly. Rose always knew how to hold a grudge against anyone who bested her in any way.

Only this time it was in the context of desire. She hated that I had chosen Bella so quickly when I never once showed a preference for her own beauty. And she despised that Bella was human. Capable of so much where Rosalie was not.

"But I make your family uncomfortable. Although Alice has been an angel, and Esme…I don't think anyone has ever displayed such compassion towards me. And I'll never be able to thank Carlisle for everything he's done."

"Bella, what would you say if I told you _I_ don't want you to leave?" I was sorely tempted to reach out and grab her hand, but I couldn't let her feel my cold skin.

"I haven't made a decision, Edward, and why would you care?" Her tone was a little harsh and I thought I heard a touch of rejection in it. Never had I treated her that way. Never. I was always honest, about most things, and I never pushed her away. At least now I didn't. But first impressions are everything.

"You never wanted me here in the first place," Bella breathed into the darkness. Her voice was thick with emotion and I could tell from her tone she was getting ready to dismiss me. I didn't want to leave just yet. I still had things to say to her.

I took an unnecessary breath and let it out the way a human would before saying something that made him or her particularly uncomfortable. "Bella, I can't stay away from you any longer, I don't have the strength. I feel…very protective of you."

"Don't be absurd," Bella breathed after a long, uncomfortable silence had passed between us.

"Why do you question it?" I felt my brows draw together in anger and confusion.

_Edward, relax. She's just as confused as you are. Keep being honest with her. Don't let things get too far. _

I shook my head lightly waving off Alice's warning, but keeping it near the top of my preternatural mind. Bella wasn't looking at me now. She was looking down to where her hands lay in her lap. She was wringing them tightly, possibly mimicking the way her mind was turning over.

_God how I wish I could hear her thoughts right now._

"I guess…I guess I'm just not used to people caring so much, you know. I mean strangers. My family cares a lot of course. I guess I just wasn't expecting…" She trailed off at the end of her small rant and never finished her thought. It tortured me to no end to not know.

"Bella, I don't want you to go." My tone was deep, honest and true. I prayed it conveyed exactly how I was feeling about this. I looked up hoping she would too. And she did. Our eyes met and I swear I felt something shift between us.

"I would like to stay a little longer, see how things flow. I really like being here, its almost like I don't even need to try. I just…exist."

Interesting choice of words. "I want you to stay. I can't…I can't bear to be away from you." My voice dropped low, maybe lower than I intended.

"I can't bear to be away from you either, Edward." Bella whispered, moving closer to me. "But you know I'm right, about me making your family uncomfortable."

"You just need to give them time to adjust, Bella. You needed it, now they do. It'll pass, I promise you. Patience, Bella."

Bella laughed lightly, shifting on the bed. I noticed that she tried to hide the fact that she inched even closer to me. My instincts were telling me to move back, get away so there's no chance of hurting her.

But I didn't move. I remained fixed in my position as Bella drew closer. Her smell absolutely saturated the air, and I thought I caught a bit of…arousal? It was sweet, musky, and positively Bella. I had to shut my eyes and swallow the venom that instinctively pooled in my mouth.

"Why do you want me to stay so desperately, Edward?" she asked shyly.

"I don't want to lose you," I breathed, my eyes still closed.

"Open your eyes, Edward."

I slid them open slowly, gasping when I realized that Bella was just inches from me now. Her face level with mine. I could hear the increase in her breathing and the racing of her pulse. She was glancing up and down my body in the moonlight, though I doubted she could see much.

Watching her appraise me sent a wave of my own arousal coursing through my body.

No, I couldn't give in. I wouldn't.

I would undoubtedly hurt her, or worse. I would _not _allow the monster inside to win. I had control. But sitting there in the still darkness of her room, tasting her breath and listening to the thrum of her blood as it sped through her veins, I could feel my resolve weakening.

And it crumbled readily at my feet.

"Can I try something?" I whispered. Bella nodded with no vocal response. I started to lean forward towards her. I had no idea why I was tempting fate like this. I was an imbecile to think I would win, that I could actually control the beast fighting to be free.

Bella wasn't moving. She just sat there, thank God. I didn't know if I could actually go through with this if she stirred the air around her. I stopped with less than an inch between our mouths, my mind reeling with different scenarios. I didn't want any of them to happen. I just wanted to taste her lips. Just once, just to know if they were as sweet as they looked.

I should pull back. I shouldn't do this. I was risking her fragile human life because I was too selfish to stay away.

But I didn't. I closed the tiny amount of space between us pressing my lips as lightly to hers as I could. Just a touch too much pressure and I could kill her. I wasn't prepared, however, for just how sumptuous she felt. The taste was unlike anything I had ever known.

I pulled back from her soft lips to find Bella leaning back slightly. She looked so beautiful in the pale moonlight, resting back on her elbows. I leaned forward and kissed her again, a little harder this time, but still maintaining careful pressure.

God she was exquisite.

If I thought her feminine blood smelled sweet as it rushed through her veins I didn't want to know if it tasted sweeter than her lips. I kissed her again and again, failing to suppress the fire that was now ripping through my body. It was a nice reprieve for my throat, but I knew it wouldn't last long.

I pushed the thoughts of bloodlust to the back of mind and did my best to keep them there as thoughts of Bella lying on her back invaded the front. I kissed her harder, pushing her down to the bed and stretching the length of my body along hers.

She wrapped her arms easily around me burying both of her hands in my hair, fisting it tightly. All I wanted to do now was just kiss her, touch her, hold her, anything to keep her this close. I couldn't stop.

Bella moaned beneath me and I took advantage of the moment to slip my tongue past her teeth. I traded a moan in response when I finally tasted her. It was beyond anything I had ever expected. She had the most luscious mouth, and it was the only one I had ever wanted to kiss.

I felt her legs part and I slipped easily between them as she raised her knee to my hip bringing her center very close to my own hard arousal, and I was more than confident that she could feel it. The heat coming from her was driving me wild, and mixed with the smell of her arousal I was a complete goner.

I moved my lips to her neck where the perfume of her blood was strongest as it pounded through her body. I eyed her jugular lustfully, but I simply pressed my lips to it and sucked the tender skin above it.

Bella bucked wildly beneath me causing her stomach to graze painfully across my now insistent erection and I couldn't help but buck back in return. A growl ripped from my throat and she echoed back a loud moan in response. I silenced her as I crashed my mouth to hers again, still ever mindful of the pressure.

My hand was snaking down her body to untie the drawstring on her sleep pants. Bella opened her mouth under me, breathing my name as she grabbed at my ass through my jeans. I delved my tongue into her mouth needing to taste her once more.

She turned her head to the side parting from me and flashed her throbbing jugular. I couldn't help myself any longer. I bowed my head and attached my mouth to the pulsing vein. Venom pooled once again. I could taste it on my tongue.

"God, Bella, you don't know how bad I want you." I moaned throatily in her ear.

_Edward, stop! You need to get out of there now!_

"I want you, too, Edward," Bella moaned back in response, fisting my hair once more in her tiny hand.

I bucked against her, groaning. Making sure she could feel just how hard I was right now. I wanted her to touch me. My lips curled back in a smile and my teeth unintentionally grazed her skin. Bella gasped and thrust upward.

That had felt too good. I grazed my teeth over the same spot again.

_EDWARD, STOP!_

I pulled back as Alice screeched in warning in my mind. I looked down at Bella, the realization of what I could have just done dawning on me.

I felt sick.

Her eyes were hooded with the deepest lust and the mixed scent of her blood and arousal was absolutely everywhere.

I had to get out of there.

Without a second thought I was off the bed and gone.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

**BPOV**

My brain was thick with lust. A heavy cloud obscuring my judgment. I knew this was wrong, I didn't know him. We'd only talked maybe a dozen times or so, and the conversations never seemed to revolve around personal information. It was always comments on the weather, or Edward complaining about the incapableness of the Forks High faculty.

But I didn't want him to stop. His body felt so good atop mine in the darkness. So solid and hard and…cold. He was freezing cold. But how? You'd think with the level of heat between us he'd be as burning hot as me.

No, he was cold and hard as ice.

I didn't care.

I just wanted to taste him, to know if his tongue was as sweet as his scent. And it was. It was soft and wet and as cold as the rest of him. I expected him to be gentle, to live up to his gentlemanly manner. Well, he started that way.

His first kiss was tender, sweet, and almost hesitant. And then he kissed me again, a little harder this time, laying me down on the bed. He kissed me passionately, and I'll admit I wasn't ready for it. I'd never been kissed before. I had no idea what I was doing, but it all felt so right I never wanted to stop.

I just let instinct take over. I fisted my hands in his hair and pulled him closer to me, unable to stop the moan that escaped my mouth. He slipped his tongue past my teeth and twirled it with mine. I couldn't help it. I wanted him.

I threw my arms around him letting him settle between my parted knees, ghost his hand down my body to the string on my sleep pants. He moved his lips to my neck as I let another moan rip from my throat. He was so good at this.

I bucked against him and gasped at how utterly hard he was, and this time I mean his erection. He felt glorious and I just wanted him. I wanted to feel his cool skin flush with mine, to rock back and forth with him. He was beautiful, and sexy, and _God…he was a good kisser_.

"God, Bella, you don't know how bad I want you." He moaned in my ear, his lips ever so gently kissing a trail down my neck.

"I want you, too, Edward."

He growled and bucked hard against me.

_Yes, Edward, please…_ I moaned in my mind.

Nothing would be better. He grazed his teeth against my neck as I writhed beneath him and made my moan vocal. He grazed his teeth once more along my neck the same way and the same moan echoed around the room.

He pulled back then staring down at me…and then he was gone.

I was suddenly cold. It took a minute for the lust to recede from my mind and register the fact that he was no longer lying on top of me. My skin was still flush with heat. The coolness of his skin had created a perfect balance. But now that he was gone, and I was just cold.

"Edward," I whispered into the darkness. No response. I sat up and looked around. "Edward," nothing.

I laid back down staring at the ceiling and I tried my hardest to fight back the tears that were already brimming over. I reached for my comforter pulling it up to my shoulder and curled into a tight ball.

Of course he didn't want me. I knew he was lying. He just wanted to get off. Why would he want me? Why would anyone? I was just a broken, homeless girl. A nobody with nowhere to go.

I rolled over turning onto my side to face the wall. The only reason this hurt so much, no matter how I tried to justify that it shouldn't, was because…I liked Edward. And I thought he liked me, too.

Guess I was wrong.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	9. Thoughtless

**A/N: Chapter 8, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

"Damn it, Alice, why didn't you tell me about this before I went in there?" I exclaimed in utter frustration.

"I tried to warn you, but you wouldn't listen." Insisted Alice, who had perched one little fist on her nonexistent hip.

"I can't even imagine what she's thinking right now." And how I longed to. I collapsed onto the couch doubling over my knees and fisting my hair in my hands. Did she hate me? More than likely. Would she leave? "Alice what can you see of her future?"

Alice sighed deeply, a human instinct now turned habit out of the need only to keep up our façade. She closed her eyes and her face relaxed as she searched. "She won't sleep tonight. I don't see anything else. She has decisions still to make. When she does, I'll know."

The ball I was already curled into on the couch grew tighter as my fists shook in anger. I shouldn't have stormed out of there like that. I should've given her an explanation first. But lust was coursing through my veins so robustly I had to leave before I really hurt her.

I still did, though. I was sure of it.

She had repeated my want when I moaned it in her ear. What would any girl think in her position?

"What should I do?" I asked out loud. I looked up at the faces of my family that had gathered with me. Alice didn't answer. Carlisle just stared at the fire burning away in the hearth. Only Esme voiced a helpful opinion.

"See how she is in the morning, Edward. Maybe you can explain something to her, something logical of course. Hopefully she'll understand."

I growled low in my chest and turned away from them. I needed to just get away and think. "Edward, you don't need to leave tonight." Alice muttered. Damn pixie.

"I just need to go think. I'll be back in the morning." I grumbled as I got up.

"We're going hunting tomorrow evening, all of us. Will you be back?" Carlisle asked as I grabbed the handle on the back door. I did need to feed, and some time with my family would be good. We hadn't gone hunting together in months. I could use the time to talk to Alice. Maybe by tomorrow evening Bella would have made some choices.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

**BPOV**

I knew sleep wouldn't come. From the moment he left I knew sleep was not an option. He had left my body too riled up, too hot to rest. My brain was still thick and fuzzy from his kisses, the way he touched me, and the way he held me. It was firm but not rough, I relished in it.

I had vowed not to let his…hasty exit…bother me. I was sure there was a perfectly logical and justifiable explanation.

Oh, of course there wasn't.

He didn't want me. He could lead me on all he wanted, moan my name and tell me he wants me, but as I thought last night, I wouldn't let it get to me.

I got up and jumped in the shower, only realizing halfway through that the water was stone cold, as cold as him, as cold and wet as his tongue had been on my neck. I shivered involuntarily at the memory and immediately felt a warm flush run down my spine.

I ignored it, shaking off the thoughts of the cause and quickly finished my shower wrapping up in the thickest towel I could find in my bathroom. I ventured back out to my bed and collapsed on it soaking wet.

I let my strength crumble as I cried.

The way he talked to me, the way he watched me…it all pointed to him truly caring, being protective, as he had mentioned last night. How could he say those things and then…just leave? Leave me lying here dazed and confused, and so very, very cold.

_Oh, Edward… Why?_

*~*~*HG*~*~*

I spent the day alone, away from everyone, but not everything. Most members of the family were easy to avoid, Alice and Edward were at school, Carlisle at work, and as far as I knew Rosalie and Jasper won't try and find me, and wherever Rosalie goes Emmett goes. The only one I couldn't avoid was Esme. No matter how hard I tried she seemed to be following me, a constant reminder of her son.

I finally gave up and returned to my bedroom locking myself in. I turned my iPod on letting some soothing music fill the room and calm my soul.

What could I possibly do to take my mind off of how miserable I was? I could write in my journal, but it reminded me of Edward. I could go back downstairs and watch TV, but I didn't want to take the chance of crossing Rosalie or Jasper's path. There was something about me that made him uncomfortable and her hate me.

It was just another example of why I didn't belong here. I was driving a wedge between Edward and his siblings and it wasn't fair to him or to them. I'm sure his parents had to listen everyday to Rosalie complain and I shouldn't be causing them that kind of stress. I was a guest in their home; it wasn't exactly the most polite way to repay their hospitality.

After my long contemplation about my situation here I was exhausted, so I climbed into bed for a little while and lay there unable to sleep. My mind kept going over and over last night. Every time I shut my eyes I felt his hands on my body and his lips on my neck. His body felt so glorious atop mine. I wanted him to just take me. I'd never felt that way before. Never felt so wanton. If things had continued to fruition last night Edward would've been my first and I would have gladly given it to him.

There was just something pulling me toward him, making it impossible to say no. I didn't care that I had no experience, I didn't care that I had just met him. For some unexplainable reason I trusted him. I knew deep down he would never hurt me. I'd even go as far to say he loved me…

But that couldn't possibly be the case. Why would he leave like that? I just didn't understand. It made no sense. And the more I thought about it the more confused I became and assured that I should no longer be here. My time with this family was ending.

Yes, they have been kind beyond anything I could expect from complete strangers, but my presence was causing a disturbance and it was unfair.

I needed to go.

I grabbed my journal and wrote a final entry, a goodbye letter to Edward. My thoughts were so jumbled I shocked myself with how quickly the words flowed, and how smoothly I wrote them without a single mistake. Unless you counted the tears that hit the paper every few seconds making the fresh ink run. He would be able to read it regardless. I knew.

Because if there was one thing about Edward Cullen that I knew…he was something more than human.

As soon as I finished I tied the journal shut and kissed the cover clutching it to my chest before I grabbed my thickest jacket, yanked my boots on and left my room. I placed the journal on Edward's bed along with the single red rose I had clipped from Esme's atrium, as an afterthought.

I kissed my fingers and touched the journal one last time before leaving, closing the door quietly behind me. The last thing I saw in the room was the new blue vase sitting on Edward's nightstand. Standing within it was a dozen stems of the loveliest freesia I had seen.

I found a note from Esme on the dining room table telling me she had gone out for a while. Good, she wouldn't know I had left. I slipped through the back door and crossed around to the front sticking to the edge of the forest and headed down the long driveway. I looked over my shoulder one last time at the beautiful white house and wished it a final farewell.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

**EPOV**

I only spent a few hours in my meadow. I couldn't bear to be away from Bella, to not know how she was. I returned to the house and sat in the tree outside her window watching her. She wasn't sleeping just as Alice had seen, she was tossing and turning in fits on her bed, just as I was sure the thoughts in her head were tossing and turning.

I was a monster for what I had done, not to mention the thoughts of bloodlust, and even worse…the thoughts of human lust, for her skin on mine. I would never defile her, a pure, innocent, fragile human. Her body may stir in me feelings long forgotten, hardly even felt when I myself was human, but stir in me they did when her lips were on mine for the first time.

I didn't know about Bella, but that had been my first kiss, and I was completely inexperienced, but it had been wonderful. Her tongue and lips were so sweet, and her skin was ivory cream, soft and warm beneath my mouth.

Her body trembled subtly beneath mine and I could smell her very obvious arousal as I twined my tongue around hers and she moaned in my mouth. I felt the vibrations from it all the way down my body to my hard erection.

But I had royally screwed it all up. I didn't know until after that Alice was keeping me from killing her, and not by sex. She had seen that if we kept going, if I actually penetrated Bella she would bleed. She was a virgin. I would make her bleed, and Alice saw that I would lose the fight against my bloodlust. I would not have been able to resist.

I should not have yelled at my sister like that, and I apologized after and thanked her for keeping Bella alive. I may have protested against it once, but now I knew never to bet against Alice ever again.

I had fallen in love with Bella.

This tenuous, inconsequential, human girl. With chocolate eyes and chocolate hair that smelled like strawberries, and tasted of apple.

She was soft and beautiful, warm and rose colored when she blushed. Her blood smelled of the sweetest freesia. Esme had grown some for me and they now sat in a vase on my nightstand. The flowers did absolutely no justice to the perfume that was Bella's blood. They did not hold the same appeal, but they were a nice reminder, and by nice I mean constant.

When I left the meadow the sun was just coming up and I needed to get back so I could prepare for school. After wrenching myself away from watching Bella, I merely climbed the tree to my room and hopped through the window.

Clouds covered the blue of the sky when Alice and I arrived at Forks High later that morning. Another typical overcast day, safe enough for vampires to walk amongst unknowing humans.

I sat through my monotonous, redundant classes paying little attention and thinking more so about Bella. Alice told me to be patient. Bella was fine. she was resting at home. But Alice really wasn't paying that much attention to Bella's future right now. She had not foreseen anything drastic occurring.

She was far too busy watching Jasper's, too afraid Bella would get hurt at home and Jasper would be too close. She had confidence that he could resist, but she was watching nonetheless. My little sister loved her husband dearly and I couldn't ask her to not watch for him solely so she could focus on my need. I was selfish, but I wasn't that selfish.

We decided to skip last period after lunch and leave early to go hunting. Alice could see Jasper getting edgy, but it was for a completely different reason, and not because of his own bloodlust.

We had barely made it into my car when Alice suddenly went rigid and her eyes became distant and blank. I reached over grabbing her shoulder.

"Alice, what is it, what do you see?" I asked frantically.

"She's gone," Alice breathed, her voice far below a whisper. "She's left."

I didn't need to ask twice for whom she meant. I didn't even bother with the human practice of buckling my belt as I peeled out of the parking lot just daring the crossing guard to try and stop me. I blew through every single light, which all thankfully turned green as I approached.

"Where did she go?" I demanded as we neared the house.

"I don't know, she's just wandering. She has nothing with her. She simply left. Edward…" Alice looked over at me finally, her eyes sad, "she left your journal for you."

I hit the gas for the last two miles back to the house. The rest of my family was already gathered outside waiting. Rosalie was the only one looking angry. Carlisle had his arm around my mother's shoulder comforting her. If she could cry I knew she would have been. Having Bella leave was like losing another child for Esme. She had grown very attached, exalting in being able to care for someone like a true mother again.

"She left this on your bed," Emmett said quietly as Alice and I approached. I stomped over and grabbed my journal from him. "And this," he handed me a rose that had been clipped from Esme's atrium. A red rose.

"Where were you all?" I yelled loudly, "Why didn't anyone hear her leave?"

"We all left a little early," Emmett explained quietly, not able to meet my eyes. "I was bored, and Jasper wanted to feed anyway."

"I didn't want to leave her alone, Edward, I'm sorry, but I thought maybe a quiet house would do her some good. Give her some space to think." Esme's voice was thick with sadness, but no tears were able to fall.

"It's all right, I don't blame you, Esme." I reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder as I passed. I untied Bella's journal as I sat down on the stairs. It had been almost completely filled with memories from her childhood. There were rough, childlike sketches, and some photos in here as well. It was almost like watching Bella grow up through her entries.

The very last one had no title, just the date. No other entries had a date, but this one did. March 13, 2009 1:47 PM. I quickly looked at the sun. It had been less than two hours since she had left. I looked back to the journal and immediately noticed the scrawl. It wasn't as clumsy as the rest of her writing, but it was significantly smudged.

I noticed then that the journal smelt of fresh tears. She must have been crying as she wrote this.

_Edward, _

_I am so sorry, so very, very sorry to be doing this to your family, even more so to you, but I must leave. I'm causing a disturbance in the peace you have here in this beautiful home. Words cannot express how grateful I am to your father. He saved my life. _

_Esme has been nothing but kind, like Alice, welcoming me with open arms. Something I honestly did not expect and will always miss. But not as much as I will miss you. _

_Last night…last night was more than anything I've ever known. It was beyond wonderful and I will never, never forget it. Thank you for showing me that something so beautiful can actually exist. _

_I know at first you did not want me here, nor did I want to be here, but then you gave me a chance, and I hope I returned it in kind. You showed me friendship where I least expected to find it. You showed me hope, and faith, maybe even love. I don't know. _

_Don't worry about hurting me. Because you didn't. Yes, it stings, but I'm sure you have your reasons, and I'm sure they are completely justifiable. But you know what, it doesn't matter. All I know is that I need to leave. _

_I know you do not want me to go, but last night what I said was true. I've overstayed my welcome and members of your family, whom I will not name, have made that indirectly clear. I don't want to be the cause of a wedge driven between you and your siblings. They are more important than I am. _

_Please do not be sad, please do not be angry with me, and please, Edward, I beg you, do not come looking for me. I need to be on my own, in whatever way I can. No matter what that is, or how I achieve it. I may return home to my own family, I do not know. But please, please do not follow me. _

_I'm so sorry, Edward, if I've hurt you. I do not mean to. You just have to let me go. Tell your family, 'thank you', for me, and that I appreciate more than anything everything they've done for me._

_I will never forget them or their kindness. And I will never forget you. _

_Goodbye, Edward. _

_Forever,_

_Bella_

Her journal fell from my hands to the empty step below me. I couldn't believe she was gone. I couldn't believe she had done this.

Why?

Alice came forward and picked up the journal closing it and laying it beside me. "I know we can find her, but we need to find her quickly before nightfall."

My head snapped up at her. "Why, what will happen after nightfall?" I demanded glaring my little pixie-like sister down. Alice just held my gaze, her eyes solemn.

"She's heading east, Edward." Alice replied softly. "I saw that much. I saw…"

I rose to my feet feeling anger flood my veins. "Do not tell me you saw her dead, Alice!" I grabbed her shoulders, and the only thing stopping me from shaking her was Jasper snarling in my ear. Alice's eyes flickered to my left.

I felt my nostrils flare as I snapped my head to the east. Bella couldn't have gotten far. She was walking in a foot of snow in hiking boots, which had rarely been used. She didn't know what signs to look for and I had learned through our many conversations together that she wasn't exactly graceful and admitted to falling down walking across a flat surface more so than putting one foot successfully in front of the other.

I let my sister go and took off at a run forgetting the rest of my family. Alice was immediately in my head showing me a plan. Rosalie wanted no part in this and was staying behind. Emmett wanted to help find Bella, but he couldn't upset the love of his life. I wouldn't hold it against him.

Alice and Jasper headed east with me at a walk. We slowed down after five miles had been reached in a matter of minutes. Carlisle and Esme were staying home in case Bella decided to come back.

We must have walked in circles for over an hour before the three of us split up. I continued east, away from the sun, Jasper to the west, and Alice to the southwest. She showed us where Bella had walked, using images from the future she had seen to guide us.

_Edward, wait, _she hissed at me after another half an hour had passed. We were following her scent, but it was faint, weak. She had gone farther than I expected.

_What is it, Alice? Have you seen more? Where is she?_

_Stay close to the stream that you are near, follow the ice. _

_Alice, what have you seen? _

_Blood, her blood. You'll smell it soon. _

I started moving a little faster.

Bella was injured and bleeding, possibly dying.

_No, NO!_

I couldn't let that happen. I breathed in the air around me deeply finally catching that sweet fragrance and took off at a slow run. The scent became stronger and stronger as I neared her. Yes, she was definitely injured. Only that could explain why her scent was so profound.

I remained along the river until I came to a small cluster of boulders. There were boot tracks in the thin snow. Very fresh boot tracks.

_I think I've found her, keep Jasper away. _

_I will. Edward…_

_What is it, Alice?_

_Do what you have to do. _

And then Alice was gone. She didn't speak to me again.

I stayed by the river like Alice told me, following the ice. As soon as my throat ripped into flames my head snapped up. Ahead of me lay a crumpled ball. Red blood was flowing from the laceration on the back of her head.

"_NO!_"

I rushed forward gathering her limp body off the ground. She must have slipped on the ice by the river and cracked her head on it. I scooped her up cradling her in my arms as the blood from her head trickled over my hand. I had to staunch the flow somehow. I knew from my years of studies that head wounds always bled more even if minor, but there was no fixing this. But I had to do something, anything. I pulled off the sweater I was wearing over my t-shirt and balled it up against the back of her head.

"Bella, please, I know you're still alive. Open your eyes, look at me, _please_!" I begged.

"Don't…cry…Edward…" her voice was so low, but I could hear it. Her eyes opened slowly, tiny slits and she smiled at up me feebly. "Please, don't cry."

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry." I cupped the side of her face in my hand staring down into her eyes. I swallowed back the massive amount of venom that was pooling in my mouth and had to squeeze my eyes shut tight for half a second fighting with the monster inside. The air around me was completely saturated with her thick, sweet perfume and I prayed Jasper was nowhere close. There was no way he would be able to resist.

"If I could choose the one thing I would want to see one last time," Bella breathed, and she reached a tiny hand up to my face, "it would be your face."

"Don't say that, Bella. Please, you can't…I…I need you."

"I'm glad you came for me. I was hoping to see you again."

"Bella, _please_!" I begged her, screaming for her not to leave me alone. She couldn't, I wouldn't let her. I loved her. "Don't leave me, Bella."

"It's my fault…I'm so clumsy." She tried to smile again, and even tried to chuckle.

I lifted my sweater from the back of her head to see it soaked in her blood. She had maybe a minute left of life. She was slipping away. I could hear her heartbeat softening, slowing down. I couldn't let her leave me.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I should have never left, but…"

"Shhh," I silenced her with a finger to her lips. Her eyes started to drift close, as they would remain for eternity if I didn't...

"Bella," I whispered her name and leaned down pressing my lips softly to hers. She barely kissed me back, too weak to make an effort. Her breathing was now so soft it was like it had stopped all together.

I had to make a choice, and I had to do it now. "Bella," I whispered again, pulling away from her slightly, "I…I can't be without you. I love you." I knew she couldn't hear me at this point, but I had to say it. "I'm so sorry, Bella. Maybe one day you can forgive me, but I can't let you die."

I cradled her tight to my body and tipped her head to the side, listening carefully to the final beats of her heart as her life drained away. I bowed my head over her neck, shutting my eyes. Could I really do this?

I had to.

I made my choice.

Keeping my hand firmly pressed to the back of her head to control the bleeding, I leaned down opening my mouth and bit firmly into the soft, thin skin above her jugular. Her blood, thinned by the loss through her wound, flowed smoothly into my mouth. Its taste was indescribable. It was without a doubt the sweetest blood I had ever tasted. But I had to remain focused on my task.

I couldn't drain from her what was left at this point. It wasn't about her blood. It was about getting my venom into her system.

I had to change her.

A growl of satisfaction rumbled up from my chest as I drank continuing to fight back with all the power that I had the monster inside me, the bloodlust that was threatening to take control and just drink every lost drop that I could.

Bella shot up in my arms for a moment her eyes bursting open as her mouth formed a silent scream. As soon as enough of my venom was pumping through her veins I pulled back and Bella went completely limp her eyes closing once more. Her heart was still beating, though.

I had done it.

I had saved her.

I had to run back to the house now, with Bella changing in my arms. I had to get her to Carlisle. I dropped my eyes to her every half second as I ran. Her body was still lifeless, but her heart never ceased to stop beating. I kept my sweater pressed to the back of her head, applying enough pressure to continue keeping the bleeding under control.

Alice was waiting for me at the back door. It didn't escape my notice that Jasper was not by her side. As soon as she saw Bella her eyes grew sad and her mouth dropped open. "You really did it?"

Rosalie appeared at the door, her expression mirroring Alice's. "What have you done?" She screeched at me. I pushed past her and rushed into the dining room placing Bella's body on the table.

Carlisle and Esme looked up in shock, Esme's hand flying to her mouth as my father glared at me. "Edward, you didn't…"

"I didn't kill her, if you're asking that." I sneered at him. "I changed her,"

"How could you?"

I spun on him, the monster inside me finally winning. "Because I couldn't let her die!" I shouted. "I can't live without her, Carlisle, I need her!"

"So you submit her to something worse than death?" Rosalie screeched at me once more walking in from the living room. Emmett was right on her heels, his hand on her shoulder keeping her at bay. I knew if she could she would lunge at me.

Rosalie struggled the most with what we were, and I knew she would resent me the most for this.

"You've stolen her life, Edward!" she shouted at me. I snarled back in response, and immediately felt my father's hand on my shoulder bracing me.

"_I love her_!"

"Then you should have let her die! This is no way to live!"

"Rose,"

Rosalie turned to her husband as he looked at her in disbelief. "Emmett, I'm sorry, I don't mean you. I love you, you know that, more than anything. But this is bringing up too many painful memories for me. I can't stand for this."

Rosalie rushed from the room and we heard her disappear upstairs and a door slam very loudly. Emmett was gone a moment later, after gazing at me dolefully, and so was Esme, both going up to comfort Rosalie.

Carlisle let me go and turned to Bella quickly checking over her. "How much venom did you get into her body?"

"I don't know, enough I hope. Once I heard her heart keep beating I stopped." I watched my father stand over the lifeless body of the girl I had grown to love against all odds. I heard Alice move into the room, Jasper right beside her now.

He wasn't using his ability to calm me, which was odd. He must have been focusing on not lunging for my sweater soaked in Bella's blood that Carlisle was holding.

"Her bleeding stopped at least." He murmured. "She hit her head hard when she fell. How far away was she?"

"About five miles, I found her by the river."

"I need to take her upstairs. It'll be easier to keep an eye on her up there. Edward,"

I looked up at Carlisle from where I had been staring at Bella's calm face. It was paler than ever, almost as white as me. "Yes,"

"I don't know how my feelings about this stand as of now, but…I understand why you did it."

"Why isn't she screaming?"

"The venom effects us all differently."

"She'll be fine, Edward. She'll be…"

I spun on my sister, but before I could say anything else she showed me the vision she had had of Bella as a vampire.

I gasped out loud.

Bella was beyond beautiful. Her long chocolate hair fell to her waist, her skin smooth as marble and pale white. But instead of the deep brown I had grown accustomed to, her eyes were like liquid topaz. I of course knew that right off her eyes were going to be blood red.

"She'll be glorious, Edward. Do not worry,"

"Son, go feed." Carlisle instructed me as he gingerly lifted Bella's limp, silent form into his arms. "Go, I don't think your mother likes to see you like this."

"What do you mean?" And then I remembered.

"We'll go with you." Jasper offered, "I need to get out for a while." He reached down and took Alice's hand, and they disappeared out the back door. I followed them stopping at the stream and gazed at my reflection. The eyes that looked back at me were not the same butterscotch I had seen this morning in my bathroom mirror.

My eyes were a vibrant orange, bordering on red from Bella's blood as it now flowed through my body. I squeezed my eyes shut unable to look at them anymore.

I gazed back to the house listening as my father set Bella down on an exam table in his office.

_Please forgive me…_

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	10. Burning Hate

**A/N: Chapter 9, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I take no credit for the included lines from chapters 19 and 20 of **_**Breaking Dawn**_**. They belong to SM.**

**EPOV**

Alice and Jasper made sure I stayed out for at least three hours feeding on as many deer and elk that were unlucky enough to cross our path. Jasper took down two huge bucks himself gorging until he complained of feeling sloshy. That was when Alice deemed us fit to return and I knew it was more so because she saw us both able to handle our bloodlust in the near future.

We were within a mile of the house heading back when we picked up on her screams the first time. I froze in place and just stared north in the direction of our home.

Bella was screaming in fits of pain.

I could hear it clear as a bell.

Alice grabbed for my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

The three of us walked back instead of running, entering the house through the back. Bella's screams were impossible to miss now, even with her up on the second floor and behind a very thick, closed door.

I didn't want to go into Carlisle's study, but I had to see her. She wasn't thrashing on the table, merely lifting off of it and groaning, sometimes screaming as the venom burned her from the inside out and healed her body, changing it from mortal to immortal. Her eyes would open on occasion, but she wasn't really seeing. They rolled back in to her head until just the whites were visible and then she would settle back to the table and be still.

Each episode only lasted about one minute, and Carlisle was taking meticulous notes on her change as he watched over her. I knew he collected and studied all vampire lore he could find, and I knew he was studying Bella's change and not Bella herself. Of course when I read his study on this later on, only because I wanted to know what he was writing about the girl I loved, he would title it as "Bella's Transformation" or something simple like that.

"How is she?" I asked settling into the chair beside the table. Bella was still for the moment, the episode having passed for the time being.

"Her heart is strong, you can hear it. Every ten minutes or so she has a fit, an episode like the one you just witnessed. She writhes and turns on the table, screams a little, but it's mostly groans. Sometimes she thrashes, but as soon as it's over she calms down and settles. It's almost like she is sleeping now." Carlisle explained not looking up from the large, thick journal in which he was recording this information. It was the same journal in which he had recorded mine, after I changed of course. He had recorded Esme's, Rosalie's and Emmett's as well. Rosalie's change was the most similar to Bella's, but Rosalie spent all three days screaming. Bella's screams were periodic. I was sure it was something Carlisle would pour over for weeks.

"I've noticed that just before an episode occurs her fists clench and her brows draw together as if in concentration, like she's fighting not to scream, but it becomes too much and she can not hold it back any longer."

I reached up to the table and stroked some hair away from Bella's face. The wound on her neck from where I bit her was healing, not as quickly of course as it would when she was a vampire, but the puncture holes from my teeth were fading until there would be nothing left but a silvery, crescent-shaped scar that would be barely visible against the white of her skin.

I grabbed her hand in mine and held it firmly, squeezing it every couple of minutes. It finally clenched around mine, gripping back as Bella thrashed on the table. I watched, feeling nonexistent bile try to rise in my throat. It made me sick to know Bella was in this much pain and it was my fault.

"I should not have done this," I hissed under my breath once Bella settled back down.

"You love her very much don't you, Edward?" Carlisle looked up at me from his writing.

"With every part of myself." I responded automatically.

"Then you did the right thing."

"How can you say that?" I demanded, feeling the bile rise in my throat once more. It was sickening.

Carlisle folded his hands on his desk after resting fountain pen beside the journal. "I'm not going to judge your decisions, son. Honestly, were I you in your position I would have done the same thing. Esme was thought dead when she was found, you know the story. I couldn't let _her_ die, son, but I loved her enough to think twice about what I was doing before I actually did it. And I'm glad I did. Your mother has her regrets of course, but I know she's truly happy. And its because we have each other."

Bella started to thrash again. Carlisle watched her intently throughout the episode. It wasn't quite as violent this time and as soon as Bella settled down he began writing furiously, capturing each moment in painstaking detail.

Bella would be safe under his watchful eye for a bit if I wanted to step out, but the thing was, I couldn't. I couldn't leave her side. I needed to remain next to her throughout this entire transformation. I wouldn't leave her side for a moment. I owed at least that to her, since now I had taken her life away. With a simple bite I had stolen everything good and pure that had been Bella Swan. And in its place I had left a soulless, soon to be newborn vampire, whom no one knew what to expect from.

We all knew from Jasper what newborns were supposed to be like, and we would prepare for the insatiable bloodlust that Bella would undoubtedly have, but Carlisle knew from having "raised" four newborns that each and every one was different.

And so we waited for three days, holding our metaphorical breaths as Bella's fits calmed finally forty hours into her transformation. Her heartbeat grew stronger, faster, harder…and she just lay there unmoving. At one point Alice asked Carlisle and I to step out for just a moment so she and Esme could slip some clean clothes onto her.

When my father and I entered back into the room Alice had dressed Bella in a thin, blue dress. It was tight fitted and hung to halfway down her thighs. Against her paling skin it was lovely. I traced my hand up her smooth arm as she lie still. Settling back down into our respective seats, Carlisle behind his desk and I beside Bella, we got ready to watch over her for the final phase of her transformation.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

**BPOV**

I wanted to die.

Because surely this couldn't be death. I was burning everywhere, from the tips of my toes to the crown of my head, as if every nerve was being singed, as if my entire body was being razed to ash. Death should not be this painful. Surely I hadn't done anything in my life to deserve such torment…

_I had run away._

I was being punished for abandoning my family. I knew it.

I tried not to focus on the pain, tried to hold it inside me, but the burning was too intense and sometimes I screamed. I could feel nothing else, but I could hear voices all around me. I recognized Edward's and Carlisle's most often. They were always discussing me. I wish they wouldn't, I didn't understand some of the terms they were throwing around.

The only time their voices faded out was when the burning was too much and I heard a scream rip out of my throat. I tried so hard not to scream, I was sure no one wanted to hear it. I don't even remember how the burning started. The last thing I remember was seeing Edward, and then everything went black and there was this horrible pain in my neck and that was when I first felt the flames. I had no idea where I was, or what was happening to me, let alone why I was burning in the first place.

I just wanted it to end.

Wasn't there something Carlisle could give me for the pain? He was a doctor wasn't he, or was it just a front practiced to perfection from so many years of trying to hide something?

I won't go there, the last time I speculated about what the Cullens could possibly be it only brought on more confusion. Everything I had experienced was a revolving door of perplexity and endless questions.

I had to do something to take my mind off of the flames. I decided to count the seconds as they passed. They were constant and predictable, like my heartbeat. Although at times it felt as if my heart would just explode out of my chest. Sometimes I wished it would, and prayed if it did that it would take all of this horrible pain with it and leave me lifeless…

*~*~*HG*~*~*

Sixteen thousand, six hundred and sixty-five seconds later the pain hadn't changed, it was still as intense as ever, but now I could _feel_ something. Something at the tips of my fingers.

_Was someone holding my hand?_

"Bella," I heard a familiar voice whisper. Edward. "Bella, can you hear me? Can you feel this?" There was pressure on my fingers now. I could feel it, it was chasing the flames away, or maybe they were finally starting to dissipate on their own.

I tried to squeeze back, to make my fingers move and give Edward some reassurance that I could indeed feel him. "I'm so sorry, Bella." He whispered, his voice full of anguish.

"Any response," another voice asked. Carlisle.

"Nothing," Edward sighed heavily, his hand not leaving mine. "She's been so still, Carlisle, why?"

"I've explained to you, Edward, the venom affects us all differently. Were you expecting a transformation like Rosalie's?"

"I was expecting some sort of activity, _anything_ to know that she's still…alive."

"Can you not hear her heart, Edward? Hear its strength?"

Edward sighed once more. Even the sound of that was musical. "Of course I can, I was just expecting something a little more…substantial I suppose."

"Her transformation alone thus far has been more than substantial, son. Her heart is so _vital_. She's going to be fine."

Both of their voices faded away and I slipped under a sheet of blackness. I continued to count the seconds as they ticked by, the flames continuing to decrease in their intensity. They were finally fading from my fingertips and toes, but unfortunately were heading toward my heart. It was as if the palpitating muscle was acting like a magnet drawing all of the flames from the rest of my body toward it and making my chest burn relentlessly.

I wanted to scream again but a new sensation had come over me, a weight pushing down on my still form making it impossible to move, impossible to part my lips to allow sound to issue forth and beg someone to kill me and take away this agony.

I didn't know how much longer I could take this. Another ten thousand, five hundred and thirty-four seconds had passed and all that had altered in my current state was that I now longed to be able to claw my heart from my chest to make this scorching ache disappear.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

Sometime later I heard a pair of feet enter the room, their sound rhythmic. Alice. She stopped right by my said and I felt pressure on my arm.

"Not much longer, Edward, see how clear she is."

"I see her, Alice," grumbled Edward, his voice tight and frustrated.

He was so close and I just wanted to reach up and touch him, to let him know that I was still here and erase that sadness in his voice. It wasn't fair that he should sound so tormented. It wasn't like this was his fault, even though I had no idea how this had started in the first place.

"She's going to be glorious." Alice insisted, her tone happy and light.

"She always was,"

Was that…adoration in his voice now? No, it couldn't be. But then I felt a hand slip into mine. I _really_ felt it. Edward's long musician's fingers curling around mine and squeezing tightly. It was so real, so substantial.

"I'll be here, Bella," he whispered. "I'll always be here."

The thought crossed my mind then, _maybe I had misjudged Edward, maybe he was capable of being human after all. Even if it was obvious that he clearly was more. _

*~*~*HG*~*~*

In total I had now reached two hundred and fifty nine thousand and two hundred seconds.

I could feel the weight lifting from my body, the blackness sliding away, but the burn in my chest was at a point where I just couldn't handle it. It was much, much too hot. My heart was pounding furiously now, like it could literally explode from my chest at any instant. And the more I begged for it to stop, concentrated on stilling the muscle, the worse the pain blazed.

I focused on its beats instead of the seconds. There was no knowing when this would end. Maybe my heart was beating so feverishly because it was getting ready to stop.

I prayed it was.

Death would be so welcome after all I had gone through.

So peaceful.

So easy.

I focused all that I had left in me, ever last ounce of strength on my heart. I had counted ten thousand three hundred and forty-five beats before with one last pound beneath my skin…it stopped.

My eyes opened slowly for the first time in God knows how long and I gasped.

Everything was so _clear_, so sharp and defined. I had never seen like this before.

_What had happened to me?_

A rainbow of light was bouncing off of the closest lamp and glancing at it I saw the seven colors of the rainbow being thrown, but there was an eighth color at the end of the spectrum that I could not name.

Speckles of dust swirled clearly and beautifully all around me.

I inhaled in shock.

The air whistled down my throat, swirling the dust into a vortex. But the action felt wrong. I considered, and realized the problem was that there was no relief tied to my natural instinct to breathe.

I didn't need the air. My lungs weren't waiting for it. They reacted indifferently to the influx.

And there was something very wrong about that. Very wrong, indeed.

"Bella,"

I sat up. The voice had come from my right and was sharper, more musical and beautiful than anything I had ever heard before in my life. My head snapped to the side in a motion that would have surely given me whiplash, but as soon as I considered turning my neck back, it was already straight.

_What was going on? _

I turned back to the sound and found Edward beside me. I hadn't been expecting to see his face quite so close and a very unfamiliar and frightening snarl ripped from my throat and I flipped off the table. I was caught off guard as I watched everything that should have blurred from my very quick and very inhuman motions remain crystal clear.

Emmett quickly pulled Edward back, but he threw his brother's hand off and walked over to me intentionally slow. I could tell from the stance he held.

"Bella, relax," he said to me, and his head turned back to the door. The rest of his family stood there. Alice was smiling brilliantly, peeking out from behind Jasper's elbow. Another eight-colored rainbow sparkled off of her grin. Rosalie looked indifferent, but I could tell she was watching me in fear for Emmett. Jasper looked cautious, like was ready to spring. Esme was beaming proudly with Carlisle beside her watching me intently, studying my every movement.

My gaze snapped back to Edward the moment I heard him move. He continued to approach me slowly, and I relaxed out of the defensive crouch I never realized I had been in.

"Bella, it's all right. I have some things to explain to you and it will help if you are calm to hear them. It's going to be a bit overwhelming."

I inhaled again, still not used to unnecessary need for oxygen, and watched as Edward stood to his full height, his eyes never leaving mine.

"What kinds of things?" I asked, my mind already flooding with questions. But they were only taking up such a small amount of processing. There was so much speed now. He could definitely explain that.

"I'm sure you're wondering about your sight, your movements, and many other disconcerting actions you may be experiencing right now. But first I want you to trust me when I say this. You're dead."

"Impossible, I'm standing right here." I protested, and gestured to my own body.

"Bella, you died. Do you feel your heart beating right now?"

I didn't have to press my hand to my chest to know the answer. I had felt it stop just before I opened my eyes. "But how…? I…I don't understand."

Edward's eyes narrowed at me, and his brows drew together in concentration. He looked frustrated, but if it was with me I did not know. "I still can not read her thoughts." He muttered. His voice was so low but I heard it clear as a bell.

"What the hell does that mean?" I demanded.

"Take it slow with her, Edward." Carlisle suggested.

I glared from one to the other in less than half a second, more questions trying to take up the vast amount of space in my head. I wondered idly if it was possible to fill up all of this space with just questions. It certainly seemed plausible.

"What is going on?" I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You are like us now, Bella." Edward said slowly. I raised my eyebrows indicating for him to elaborate further. I had no idea what he meant and it was seriously starting to frustrate me that he was being so vague.

"And what exactly is that?"

"A vampire,"

_What. The. Hell. Did. He. Just. Say?_

"What?"

"Bella, this is so much more complicated to explain to you than you think." Edward pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "Just trust me, you died. Rather, you were going to die and I…I couldn't let that happen."

"Slow down," I held my hands up. "All right, let's just say I believe you. I'm a vampire, ok cool. I'm immortal now, fantastic." Sarcasm dripped from my voice as I drew in my third unnecessary breath and let my arms fall to my side. In the space of an eighth of a second I processed the information Edward had given me. It was so utterly profound, and it certainly would answer some questions I had about him and his family. But it couldn't possibly be true.

Vampires were mythical creatures, right?

"So what does this mean for me?" I asked looking around at all of the eyes staring at me.

Alice's and Esme's smiles dropped, Jasper grew more cautious, Rosalie still sneered, Emmett remained watchful, and Carlisle gazed on, ever intrigued.

Edward fixed his eyes on me, the topaz eyes I had grown so accustomed to. If I was like him, a vampire, did that mean I had the same golden eyes? I suppose that wasn't so bad.

"It means," Edward started deliberately slow, "You can't leave now. You have to stay here."

I felt my mouth drop open and I just stared at him. "What? Why?"

"You're a newborn vampire, Bella, you're unpredictable. We can't take the risk of letting you leave. Your bloodlust would rule your mind as soon as you smell a human, and we can't allow you to kill. We're sworn to protect human life amongst this family."

"I'm shocked her bloodlust hasn't already begun." Jasper commented from the doorway. I ignored him, another more important thought taking precedence in my new, bigger mind.

"I can't ever see my family again?" I challenged him. Jasper twitched in the doorway and I saw him trade a guarded look with Emmett.

"I'm sorry, Bella, no."

Anger bubbled up in me but I swallowed it back. Edward was watching me just as warily now as his brothers were. It was starting to get really irritating and I wanted to tell them to back the fuck off.

And then something dawned on me.

"What were you saying a moment ago about how you couldn't let me die?" I asked quietly, staring Edward down and hoping he could feel the anger blazing in my eyes.

Edward's shoulders slumped and his eyes fell to the floor. Apparently he had been hoping I wouldn't ask this question. "I…I had to do something, Bella. I couldn't lose you so I…I bit you. I changed you. You are what you are now because of me."

So thanks to Edward I could never go home. I would never see my sister or my brother again. I would never see my parents or my new baby brother who was due in one month.

I lunged at him and immediately I felt two iron arms lock around my chest and hold me back as Jasper pulled Edward away from me. I screamed and kicked and clawed at Emmett's arms to get him to let go, but I could've been digging at steel for all the good it was doing me. In the doorway, Rosalie was snarling viciously at me as Carlisle restrained her.

"Let me go!" I shouted. "I'm going to kill him!"

"That's why I'm not letting you go." Emmett hissed in my ear. "He's my brother, Bella, and despite what he's taken away from you I won't let you hurt him."

I pushed against Emmett's arms and shockingly I broke free. He grabbed at me again but I moved to the side before he could get his arms back around me. Jasper now stood protectively in front of his brother, sunk deep into a defensive crouch, snarling at me and ready to spring if I dared take a step forward.

"Guard him all you want," I spat, " I want nothing to do with him." I turned to head from the room but his family blocked my way. "Please let me through, I just want to go to my room."

"You need to hunt, Bella. You need blood."

As soon as the word rolled off of Edward's tongue flames ripped at my throat and I was suddenly so uncomfortable standing there I just wanted to get away and take down the first thing with blood I could find.

I turned and faced Edward, still positioned behind Jasper like the coward that he was. "Fine, I'll hunt, but I want to go with Alice and Carlisle. Maybe they can explain things to me better than you because I don't want to hear another thing from you, Edward Cullen. _I hate you_!"

With that I pushed past everyone, Alice following me closely along with Carlisle, and Jasper very close on our heels. As soon as we reached the back door that looked out over the small valley in which the Cullen's house lay I turned and stared my new "brother" in the face. I wasn't very willing right now to accept this family as my own, but it seemed I had no choice.

"Jasper I can understand you want to protect Alice, but I am not going to hurt her."

"She won't, Jasper, it'll be all right." Alice assured him. She leaned up and kissed him lightly before sending him back upstairs. "I'm so very sorry, Bella. This is partially my fault, I…"

I held up one hand for Alice to stop. I loved the poor girl to death. _Ha, I am so not amused right now_, I thought bitterly, but I didn't want anyone apologizing. "I'm not angry with you, Alice, it wasn't your choice that was made. It was _his_." I sneered up at the ceiling.

"He had good reasons." Carlisle interjected. "It may not seem that way right now, Bella, but he truly was just trying to keep you alive. The unfortunate consequence of which is now very clear to you."

I sighed heavily and my throat ripped into flames again. "Let's just hunt, or whatever term it is you use and after I've gorged myself on enough…" I shuddered at the thought, "…_blood_, then we will discuss this more."

"Fair enough," Carlisle nodded. He slid the back door open and gestured to the woods beyond the river. "Shall we?"

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	11. Reasons

**A/N: Chapter 10, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

"Guard him all you want," Bella spat at Jasper, who was still crouched defensively in front of me baring his teeth at the girl I loved so dearly. There was no point in trying to get around him. I could see in his thoughts he would do everything in his preternatural power to keep me where I was.

"I want nothing to do with him." Bella continued and turned to face my family as they blocked her path. "Please let me through, I just want to go to my room." She requested tersely.

Her words had cut me sharply, the anger and revulsion in them stronger than her actual statement, but I still cared for her and I didn't want her to starve. More importantly, she _needed_ to feed.

"You need to hunt, Bella. You need blood." I tried explaining to her gently.

Bella turned on me sharply and unleashed the full force of her angry, blood-red eyes on me. "Fine, I'll hunt, but I want to go with Alice and Carlisle. Maybe they can explain things to me better than you because I don't want to hear another thing from you, Edward Cullen. _I hate you_!"

With that Bella disappeared with Alice and my father, and Jasper hurrying after them desperate to protect his wife. I fell to my knees covering my face with my hands immediately feeling my mother's arm around my shoulders.

"What have I done?" I sobbed tearlessly into my palms.

"She'll forgive you, Edward. Alice doesn't see her being hostile forever."

"But long enough, right? Long enough to decide… Oh God, she _can't_ leave, Esme!"

"She won't, Edward."

It was pointless for her to try and console me. I just wanted to lock myself away in my room for the rest of my now worthless existence and pray that someday Bella found within herself to forgive me. Although I knew she never would, no matter what Alice saw.

Yes, I am officially betting against my sister.

Because I know, without a doubt, that Bella will never pardon what I have done to her.

And I don't blame her.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

I suppose I had been sitting on my couch moping for well over two hours, staring blankly out my window at nothing. I may have been waiting to hear for Bella's return, but I doubt she would make enough noise to allow me privy to that. I never heard my father or Alice, whom I knew I would have heard no matter what, both in proximity and thoughts, but I never heard them either. They must have taken Bella far and were keeping her away until they deemed her fit to return.

My mind refused to accept that I had created a monster in Bella. I didn't care that she had lunged and hissed at me, and she had even snapped her jaws once or twice, but I wouldn't allow that to be the newborn in her. She was just angry.

_Very, very angry_.

Jasper was right in trying to protect me. Newborns were volatile and unstable.

But that wasn't my Bella.

My Bella was not this crazy, furious creature glaring at me with deadly red eyes and a murderous expression. She was soft and kind, beautiful and brilliant. She was _not_ a monster.

_I was_.

I was the horrendous person who had done this to her. Turned her into this hateful immortal taking away everything that had been good about her and replacing it with a soulless being. She deserved more than to just hate me. She should rip me apart and burn the pieces. I do not deserve her.

I never did.

I didn't bother looking up when Rosalie knocked on my door. I didn't even make a sound to acknowledge her presence when she walked in. My eyes remained fixated out the window, hoping to maybe catch a glance of Alice, Carlisle, and Bella as they returned.

"Can I explain some things to you, Edward?"

"You don't have to, I already know everything, Rose. I know exactly how you feel."

"That's where you're wrong. You may know the emotion of my thoughts, but you don't know the emotion of my heart. That you can't hear. No one can."

"If you're going to sit here and tell me how much you wish this had never happened to you, don't. I'm tired of hearing it."

"You know I'm not going to if you're listening to my thoughts, Edward." Rosalie took her seat beside me on the couch. "I want to tell you that…I understand. The same…yearning for Emmett not to die was running through my mind as I ran him back to Carlisle.

"I took one look at him and I knew, despite of what memories he brought back to me, I could never let him die. He was just so like Vera's little boy. I just couldn't let him die there…alone and in so much pain.

"I wanted him with me. I _needed_ him with me. Just looking at him made everything else so much more bearable for me. He made my dark world light. And over time I grew to love him and soon it was impossible to be without him. I know now that I will never be able to exist without Emmett with me. Just like you can't exist without Bella."

Rosalie was silent for a long time, allowing me to digest everything she had just divulged. She had kept it shadowed in her mind when she walked in, locked away until she began to speak. I finally turned away from my window to look at her.

"I want you to know that I understand, Edward, even if I would have done differently. You love her. That's what matters."

I could literally feel my jaw dropping in shock. How long had I heard Rosalie over and over express her detest for this life? How many years had she spent locked away from us, except for when she wasn't hunting of course?

"Rose, I…" I shook my head as I tried to find words to explain the confusion I was feeling at this particular moment. But I couldn't. "Thank you," I whispered dropping my eyes to the floor momentarily. "Thank you for understanding. I know we've never gotten along much but I truly appreciate this, Rose. It means a lot to me."

"You're my brother, we're not supposed to get along _all_ the time. It just always happens to be situations that involve…desperate emotions that make us agree, unfortunately."

"Unfortunately," I repeated quietly.

Just then I heard a rustling outside and my eyes snapped to the window. I caught sight of Alice, Carlisle, and Bella returning across the valley toward the house. I started to get up but Rosalie's hand shot out and grabbed my shoulder sitting me back down.

"Take some advice from me, brother. You know how dark and alone I felt afterward. Give her space right now. She needs it, trust me."

"Do you think maybe she'll listen to you?" I asked, my tone slightly hopeful.

"I can try if you would like me to. There are some things I would like to share with her, but only if she's willing to hear them."

"Please try, Rose. I want her to understand."

Rosalie leaned in and kissed my cheek softly. "I'll do my best." She promised before rising and floating silently from my room leaving me alone once more with just my thoughts.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

**BPOV**

I silently followed Alice and Carlisle out the back door and we took off at a run across the valley that the Cullen's house resided in, easily clearing the fifty-yard wide river in a single jump. I watched Alice do it first and copied the lithe way she skipped over the water, even mirroring her graceful landing.

Carlisle lead the way into the encroaching trees after that, Alice and I trailing along behind as we headed south. For the first few minutes as we ran everyone was silent, keeping their thoughts to themselves, although I knew better. I had seen the eager way Carlisle had been staring at me since I woke up. I could tell from the inquisitive look in his eyes that he wanted to know everything.

Everything that I felt over the last who knows how many hours, everything that I thought as I changed. He was bound to be filled with endless questions, and I was willing to answer each one of them. It would keep my mind separated from everything else I did not want to think about. So long as the topic never wandered toward Edward. It was hard enough thinking his name. Forget about saying it. I don't know if I have enough restraint right now for that.

I won't hurt him. I could never do that. But I don't want to have to leave again because things become too much for me to handle. I don't think I'll be able to keep myself from running if everyone starts talking to me about Edward.

I slid to a stop when Carlisle suddenly held out a hand. Alice effortlessly hindered her run beside me remaining still as a board, except for the slight, unexaggerated movement of her chest. I copied her once more, shutting my eyes and breathing deep. My throat immediately ripped into flames at the scent I caught. Something…big was nearby. Big and…juicy.

"Do you smell that, Bella?" Carlisle inquired quietly.

"Yes, what is that?" I asked as my eyes slid open.

"Mountain lion," he turned back to me with a slight grin. "Would you like to lead the way?"

I shot him a nervous look, but he stepped to the side gesturing for me to take the lead in our "hunting party". Alice flashed me a dazzling and encouraging, albeit slightly intimidating, smile and repeated the same gesture.

"Which direction are you going, Bella?" Carlisle asked as he tried to point the trail out to me without sounding condescending.

I shut my eyes and inhaled the sweet smell on the air again. "Southwest," I breathed. Carlisle nodded with a proud smile.

"Very good. Please, lead the way."

I took off at a run, allowing the warm, fragrant scent to guide me closer to salvation. I stopped when I was about seventeen yards from the mountain lion in front of me. It was crouched low amongst an outcropping of rocks, stalking prey of its own in the form a full-grown male elk.

"Don't think about it, Bella." Alice whispered. "Just let your instincts take over."

I took in another deep breath and let the rich fragrance of this beast wash over me, coating my throat with fire.

And then I lunged forward, my feet carrying me to my prey with such speed I never even felt air whip past me. My arms locked around the torso of the massive cat holding him down as my teeth sunk into the soft flesh of the animal's neck.

Warmth and goodness flowed down my throat soothing but not quite quelling the burn. I drained the beast in a matter of seconds, my insatiable thirst demanding more the moment I was done. The lifeless mass dropped from my hands landing with a soft thud on the ground and I looked up at Carlisle and Alice. Both were grinning at me.

"I guess I did ok?" I asked with a nonchalant shrug. Alice pointed to her lower lip motioning that I had a little blood there. I simply swiped my tongue across my lip savoring the very last drop.

"That wasn't bad for your first time." She smiled.

"Shall we continue?" Carlisle asked politely.

"Please,"

"After you, Bella."

Several hours later we returned to the house after I had taken down another mountain lion, two elks and a large moose. I was actually glad to see the warm, welcoming lights of the giant white mansion before me, shocked that it felt like home to me now.

"Would you mind if we retired upstairs for a little while? I have several questions I would like to ask you, Bella." Carlisle requested once we were inside.

I knew it.

"What kinds of questions?"

"Everything, I want to know everything."

I _so_ knew it.

"Sure, um…can I change first?"

"Of course, of course, take your time. I'll be in my study."

I took Carlisle up on his offer and lingered under a hot shower until the water ran cold. Upon reentering my room I found that Alice had taken the liberty to lay out clothes for me. She had chosen, much to my relief, a very comfortable looking pair of dark blue jeans and a long-sleeved teal top along with ballet flats. I dried my hair until it was impeccably straight and dressed in said clothing.

Carlisle was waiting in his office just as he said he would be, writing in a leather-bound journal with a fountain pen. I didn't bother knocking as I walked through the door. He looked up the moment I stepped one foot into the room.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" he asked with a pleasant smile as I sat in one of the overstuffed chairs in front of his desk.

"Clean," I answered with a nonchalant shrug.

"How was the hunting for you?" Carlisle folded his hands on the desk, staring at me intently.

"It felt…liberating to be so free."

"It does at first. Especially when you let go and just run."

"I'll have to do that."

A small silence lapsed between us for about a fraction of a second before Carlisle leaned back in his high leather chair resting his hands under his chin. "Tell me about your transformation. What do you remember?"

Should I tell him all the gory details? Would he want to hear about how the entire time I lay there burning I just wanted to die? That the whole time while I was praying someone would just kill me? Surely Carlisle wouldn't want to know that.

I sat there contemplating whether or not I should lie to him. But a removed part of my new preternatural mind knew he would more than likely be able to see through any bullshit I tried to feed him. And he wasn't even the mind reader.

Not even a second had passed before I made my decision and recalled the first thing to come to mind.

"Pain at first," I started, my voice low. "Everything was on fire. After a while, though…it all stopped and I remember hearing footsteps. I remember someone getting up and sitting down next to me. And voices, just endless voices."

Carlisle remained silent as he listened to me, no doubt committing this all to memory. His gaze never left my face even as my eyes darted all around his office. I felt like he was waiting for something to happen, waiting perhaps for a question.

"Why did you do it?" I blurted out. "Why did you change Edward?"

Despite the fact that I did not want to discuss Edward in any way shape or form, I had to know why Carlisle had decided to do it himself in the first place. He seemed so compassionate to human life that I doubt he would subject someone to an existence like this lightly.

I was expecting a reaction to my question, but Carlisle didn't flinch. Not even an eyebrow quirk at my mention. I didn't know if he had been expecting that question from me but he didn't seem surprised by the mention of it.

"Did Edward ever mention my transformation?"

"He's never mentioned anything to me. I speculated."

Carlisle chuckled softly and leaned forward again in his chair. "So I take it you know nothing more than what we've told you tonight?"

"That would be correct."

"Well, to start I was created in the 1660s. And after being alone for more than 250 years I was beginning to feel…lonely, without putting a finer point on it."

"So you're what now…around 360 something give or take? You had to be at least twenty when you were changed."

"You're very observant. 365."

"Holy shit," I slapped my hand over my mouth as soon as the words were out of my mouth. "Sorry," I muttered, averting my eyes once more in embarrassment. I waited to feel the familiar rush of blood to my cheeks but it never came. I instantly missed it.

"Are you all right, Bella?"

It struck me then just how much was gone now, how much of my human self was never coming back. I glanced up and down my own form and felt it slide from the chair to the floor. Carlisle was already on his knees beside me on the floor trying to support me as tearless sobs racked my body and I doubled over sucking in lungful breaths that would do me no good.

"I can't do this. He should have just let me die."

"He couldn't do that, Bella. He couldn't do that for the same reason I couldn't let him die when I found him. Or Esme, Rosalie, even Emmett."

I looked up for a moment, a million new questions flooding my mind now. "Why?" I asked simply.

"Because just like I needed him, he needs you."

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	12. Understatement

**A/N: Chapter 11, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

For the past week since my transformation my mind had been reeling with a plethora of questions, only so many of them answerable. I've gone to Carlisle every time something happens I do not understand, or every time a new sensation comes over me. I snapped my jaws at Alice the other day because I didn't hear her behind me at first. Jasper was by her side in less than half a second snarling at me as he sunk into a deep, protective crouch.

I felt horrible and locked myself in my room for the rest of the afternoon. I didn't mean to do it, it was just instinct that took over. Esme explained that to me when I finally opened the door in the evening. There was going to be no helping the new instincts that I had. I would just have to learn how to manage them without hurting anyone else.

She and Carlisle went hunting with me that night. We didn't return until very early the following morning. They had let me run off my anger all the way to Canada, following close behind the entire way. I finished off an entire herd of deer myself, satiating my thirst for a day or two. When we got back I tried to talk to Alice, but Jasper wouldn't let me near her.

I explained that I was sorry, but he wouldn't budge. He had worked with too many newborns to not trust me just because right off I was so civilized. It broke my heart that I couldn't talk to the one girl that I trusted implicitly in this house. I needed to bear my soul, and I wouldn't do it to anyone else but Alice.

I was not a happy person…

Thing…

Vampire…right now.

I was ready to scream and rip my hair out. The only thing stopping me from doing so was the fact that if I did rip my hair out, it wouldn't be growing back.

So its been a little over a week for me in my new existence. I'll admit that it is not that bad. It could be worse I'm sure. But there are some things I wish I still had that were human. My eyes for one. I actually do miss my blush…a little.

I had been sitting in front of the mirror at the small vanity Alice got for me, studying my new vampire face and trying to find even a single flaw, when my door opened. Alice stuck her spiky head in with a bright smile. I flew out of my chair and had her wrapped up in my arms in less than a second.

"I'm sorry about Jasper, he can get extremely overprotective."

"I understand. I'm still unpredictable."

"Not entirely," Alice smirked, and tapped her temple. I chuckled lightly and grabbed her hand pulling her over to my bed. "You need to talk." She stated as she lithely sat down on my purple comforter. Of course she knew.

"I want to know why he had to do it." I started, "I want to know what happened. I don't remember. The first memory I have is this burn starting at my neck…" I looked up at Alice sadly, "And you know where it goes from there."

"Why don't you just ask him yourself?" Alice shrugged. "He wants to talk to you, Bella. You don't know how sorry he feels right now. He's devastated with himself."

"I don't want to talk to him, Alice. I don't care about his personal reasons, I just want to know what happened to me."

"Bella…Edward has to be the one to explain these things to you. I'm sorry if I sound rude, but essentially this is between you and him. All I can tell you is he had to try so hard not to kill you himself. He saved you not only from death but also from himself. And it took an enormous amount strength for him to do that, considering."

"Considering how I smell to him?" I guessed. Alice nodded.

"I was very proud of my brother that night. Until you have to fight the battle that Edward did you won't understand that. From the moment you entered this house he kept himself reined in, no matter how much he wanted to take you. He struggles so much with what he is and it was only made worse when that animalistic nature sprung up in him after laying dormant for the past sixty years or so.

"He's doesn't like to feel weak, and he hates feeling like a monster. Like he does right now. He believes that you truly hate him for what he's done to you, and he accepts that because he believes that he is the monster. He hates himself enough right now to end his own existence, but he's too grounded in his morals, and he knows what that would do to this family.

"Esme and Carlisle would be devastated. Edward has already left them once before, and after five or six years he returned to them. But to willingly end his life and take himself away from the life they've shared together…he could never do that. He loves them both far too much, and he could never displease Carlisle or leave Esme brokenhearted.

"This is the only family he has and he's not willing to leave the place where he wants to be unless he has no other choice, or his presence here puts everyone else in irrevocable danger. I do not want to lose my brother to the darkness that he's hiding in. I love him, Bella."

I had no response for Alice's speech. I felt ashamed of myself. I had no idea about what Edward had been going through all the time before he changed me. But that did not change the fact that he had still taken my life away and that I was now stuck like this, a vampire, for the rest of eternity.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

I wished I could cry. I spent the rest of the afternoon in Alice's arms, my body wracking with dry sobs as I heaved into Alice's chest. I felt mortified, but at the same time so angry. Alice said no matter what I was feeling right now it was only a taste of what Edward was putting himself through. How could he possibly feel this way and not kill himself? This was impossible to live with. It was agonizing.

"This is not an easy life to lead, Bella, believe me. You are going to be feeling this anguish for years, decades even, as you settle. It gets easier, but the pain never really goes away. At least from what I understand from some of the others."

"What about you?" I looked up at her.

"I don't remember my human life at all. Nothing."

"I'm so sorry,"

Alice shrugged. "I don't even know if there was anything good about it, or if becoming a vampire was the best thing to happen to me. It's all a black void."

"What about Jasper?"

Alice smiled to herself. "Jasper's life was very interesting before he became a vampire. But he should tell you the story, beyond what you don't already know of course."

I knew about the newborns, sort of. Only that he had enough experience with them in the past to know what to expect from me. He told me a couple days after my transformation that I was exhibiting classic characteristics, whatever they may be, but also that I was very "civilized" for a newborn, which he wasn't used to.

I was left feeling just a touch smug from that.

"Bella,"

I looked back to Alice from where I had been staring absentmindedly out the window. I had been so lost in my own thoughts that I had forgotten she was still in my room with me. I moved off her lap and scooted up my bed to sit against the pillows.

"Will you try and talk to Edward?"

I shook my head.

"Will you communicate with him in _some_ way?"

"How? I can't speak through my mind to him like you do. I don't want to see him."

Alice sat quietly, perfectly still for a long moment before her eyes lit up. "I have an idea, if you're willing to go for it."

"Depends," I responded dryly, my eyes gazing at the wall.

"I'll be right back." Alice flitted from the room and returned exactly one second later with something in her hand. "This is his absolute favorite one, and he's been saving it." Alice sat back down on my bed and handed me the brown suede object.

"Another journal?"

"You have to talk to him one way or another. He's willing to do it, and I swear never to peep."

I stared at the journal for a long minute, only looking up from the embossed cover when I felt Alice's hand slip into mine. "Please, Bella." Her golden eyes pleaded with me.

"All right," I breathed. "But not right now. I have nothing to say."

"Thank you, he'll be very glad to know this."

I offered Alice a small smile, happy for the moment that I was taking at least a little bit of Edward's pain away.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

**EPOV**

_Bella,_

_No words can possibly describe how grateful I am for you. The happiness you have brought to me, to my existence. I won't say the things you don't want to hear, because I know when I was where you are now, I did not want to hear them either. Especially from the one who made me what I am. _

_But I had no choice, Bella. I had no one else to go to with questions. I was wholly stuck in my situation. I wish I could tell you everything from my own first years as a newborn, but I was so distracted with _not _killing every human I saw that I didn't make time for anything else. _

_I kept myself secluded with Carlisle, hunting every day with him for the first year, until he deemed me capable of taking care of myself. I was thankful to have him as a companion. I would be a very different…individual today if Carlisle decided at the last moment that he no longer wanted me as a companion. _

_I know that Alice has asked me to explain why I changed you, to explain my reasons behind it. But I think you know those reasons, Bella. I know you asked her why I did it. _

_I do not know how much of your human memories you still have, but you ran away again. You slipped, Bella. You must have lost your footing and you slipped on an icy portion of the river in the woods. I found you only moments after you fell. _

_It was so hard for me not to…kill you. Your blood was everywhere, Bella. As you lay dying in my arms I knew there was only one thing I could do to save you, and believe me I did not want this for you. But I am essentially a selfish creature, and I simply cannot _be_ without you. _

_I hope this has shed some light on the previously mentioned events for you. _

_Bella, please, I know how hard this is for you. Please, do not shut me out. I want to help you, even if you don't want to hear what I have to say. You mean more to me than anything. Let me help you. _

_Edward_

I put my pen down and shut the journal with a soft sigh. I contemplated going back and crossing everything out. When Alice informed me that Bella was willing to speak with me through the journal, I was overly ecstatic, but now that we were engaging in this, I doubted everything I wanted to say to her.

My heart was screaming to beg her not to be mad with me, to please, _please_ forgive me. But I just couldn't form those words on paper. Oddly, they were the last things I wanted to say to her right now. Right now I needed to give her encouragement, strength. She needs guidance, not pity.

It had already taken me hours to decide on what to write to her. I debated back and forth with myself, and my sister, on what I should really be saying to Bella right now, and not what I wanted to get down on my knees and beg her to hear. Alice and Rosalie both advised me to not start begging for forgiveness, but to tell her how I truly feel about her. That I love her. And that I tell her subtly, in my own way.

But how do you tell the person of your affections that you love them like you love the sunset on a perfect evening? Or that you love them like you love the full moon when it's exceedingly bright?

There just aren't words or ways to.

At least for me.

At least not yet.

I need to know that Bella doesn't hate me. I need to know that she's not going to run again. I want to tell her everything, every last emotion I have. Every tiny, insignificant detail of my feelings. But I just can't bear my heart to her if I have no guarantee that she'll never leave.

But does that even matter? I cannot exist where she is not. I_ have_ to be with her. Where she goes I _know_ I will follow. Even if it means once again leaving my family. I could never hurt Esme, and I could never disappoint Carlisle, but I _need_ Bella more than anything I've ever known. When she's not near me, it feels like half of myself is missing.

How do I tell Bella that? That I feel like part of my…soul, whatever it may be, is gone because she's not here with me. She's distant, separate. She may be in the same house, but she's still not _here_.

_Edward?_

I sighed as my sister's voice filled my head, and I opened my eyes to realize I was lying on my back on my couch pinching the bridge of my nose as I so often did these days. When did I move from my desk to my couch?

_Yes, Alice?_

_Are you ok? I see a very dismal week for you._

I ignored her vision for the moment. _Is that a rhetorical question? How could I possibly be ok?_

_Give her time, Edward. I know Rosalie wants to talk with her. She's waiting for the right moment. Waiting for Bella to have an…epiphany of sorts. Please, Edward, be patient with her. She has no intentions of leaving us. She does not want to. _

I gasped at my sister's words. They were exactly what I needed to hear. But as soon as my preternatural mind processed them, I felt a hollowness in my heart. Bella may be deciding to stay with us, but that does not guarantee that she will ever want to be a part of _my_ existence.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	13. Learning Curve

**A/N: Chapter 12, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

The first time I discovered Esme's atrium I vowed never to walk in there again because of how much it reminded me of my own mother. But lately I had been finding real solitude in there as I worked with Esme and Alice, keeping the room clean, pruning all of her plants, and cutting flowers to display around the house.

Esme was a deep, emotional guidance for me, and Alice was my support. They talked me through whatever troubles I may have been having on a particular day, even if I hadn't had them yet. Whenever Alice asked me if I needed to talk now I knew it was because she had seen me fighting with some inner turmoil that had yet to come and she saved me from many breakdowns by stopping them before they happened.

I swore I would not discuss Edward, but whenever Esme and I were working on arrangements in her atrium the conversation always seemed to steer towards her son. I had never seen a mother so compassionate before, she was not angry with me for what I was putting Edward through by not talking directly to him right now, and she understands my reasons behind that completely. Never had anyone, besides Alice and Carlisle, been so nonjudgmental toward me. She held no grudge and actually offered valid advice on what to say to him when nothing would come. Sometimes even what to write in the journal that we continued to pass back and forth to each other.

I haven't been entirely keen on it, mostly because it's Alice that does the passing and I hate that we've put her in the middle. But she doesn't mind at all. In fact, I think she's already seen how this is going to turn out and it's keeping her positive about the whole situation.

However, I wish I could find the courage to just talk to Edward. I hate this, more than anyone knows. Because I care about him deeply and I hate that I'm causing him such pain in his heart. It's ripping mine in two and I don't want it to get to the point where it's irrevocably broken.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

A month now we've been like this. A month since I became a vampire. One month since I snarled at Edward and told I never wanted to see or speak to him again. One month since I told him I hate him…

And none of it was true.

I wish I could turn back time and take everything back that I said to him, but it's far too late, and the only thing I can do now is wait. Wait for my anger to cease…wait for my courage to finally show. Wait, and have faith that maybe Edward will just talk to me, just show his face and finally say something. I would be more than willing at that point to have a conversation with him.

I was ready now.

Everything he had been saying to me lately has changed. In the beginning I could feel the obvious undertone of self-hatred in all of his words, but now they rang sweet.

They were beautiful words written in his elegant, flawless script. He never outright stated his true feelings but he was always talking about how he could not lose me and how it would kill him inside if I left him. He told me everyday how much he needed me and missed me.

There was no way I could return such sentiment.

Not right now, I just didn't feel it.

But I did love to read it. It served to prove me wrong and kept reminding me that Edward was not angry with me. At all.

He'd forgiven me a million times over for my almost attack on him. He doesn't blame me and wishes he could have handled that moment better, told me in a different way that wouldn't have evoked such a violent reaction from me.

I wish I could take back what happened that evening. I was sorry the moment I snapped my jaws at him, I felt like the monster that he feels like now.

But there's no going back to that moment now, no taking it back. I just have to live with what I said and hope that Edward knows in his heart that I meant none of it. And maybe through my own discombobulated words he'll know how much he means to me as well.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

Alice mentioned in passing once or twice that since I was now a member of the family I needed a car.

I tried to talk her out of it, but she assured me that it was too late and my new vehicle was waiting for me in the garage. I was petrified to go out there and discover that they had gotten me something extremely flashy like Rosalie's convertible, or something frightening like Emmett's Jeep. I was even more terrified at the thought that a car similar to Alice's Porsche was waiting for me. I would never be able to drive a car _that_ fast.

So I was pleasantly surprised when I yanked the sheet off of my new car, Emmett and Rosalie beside me smirking, to discover a little Audi coupe waiting for me. Emmett gave me a huge hug lifting me off the floor and welcoming me to the world of fast cars.

I shuddered.

Afterward he left me with Rosalie so she could go over the entire car with me. I knew it was just an excuse to give us privacy so Rose and I could talk. Alice had given me fair warning that her sister wanted to have a serious heart-to-heart with me. She had just never told me when. When Rose and Emmett approached me saying they had a surprise in the garage for me, I knew today was the day that Rosalie would sit me down and tell me just as Alice had how much her brother was suffering right now.

I didn't blame them for trying so hard to get me to talk to him, but neither of them seemed to understand that I just couldn't find it in me right now to face him.

I sat in the driver's seat of my new car while Rosalie lifted the hood and started checking over the engine. I would have never taken her for an car chick, but my assumptions have been wrong in the past. Except when it came to knowing the Cullens were more than humans.

"How are things going between you and Edward right now? Alice told me you two are communicating again, sort of." Rose stuck her head around the hood to look at me.

I contemplated my answer for a moment, running my hands around the smooth steering wheel several times and glancing around at the center consul and all the little buttons and knobs that I had no clue what did what.

"Yeah, we're writing back and forth for now." I said simply.

"Have you tried talking to him at all?"

"No, I can't."

"You mean you won't." Rosalie called me out. She let the hood drop and the slam echoed in the huge garage threateningly. She then walked over to the passenger side and got in sitting down next to me.

I hung my head not looking at her because I knew she was right. And it hurt me deep inside because I was acting like a coward when I should have been telling Edward that I didn't hate him at all.

"Bella, I want to tell you my life before I was transformed into this, and why I had to be changed. You don't have to sit here and listen, but I think if you hear me out it will help to clear up of the thoughts in your mind and you may see Edward a little more clearly."

I took an unnecessary breath as Rosalie went on to describe her life before she was changed. It sounded like a fairy tale to me, like she was the princess and the man she was being courted by was her prince charming. And then she told me how he hurt her, beat her, and left her for dead in the street. I knew if Rosalie could cry she would be right now. Her breathing was shallow as she continued on with her story of how Carlisle found her after smelling all of the blood.

Edward had been reluctant to let Carlisle change her, and then Rosalie told me Carlisle had done so because he hoped Rosalie would have been to Edward what Esme was to him. She admitted to me that she disliked me so much because where Edward never gave her a second glance through all the years they've been together, he was besotted with me.

"I resented that. I've always been the most beautiful and the center of attention. I've grown used to that and to have it thrown back in my face like that made me so jealous of you, Bella. I never hated you, I just hated that Edward fell for you so quickly when he never even noticed me in the first place. I can have my vain moments." She laughed, a little uncomfortable.

Rosalie stopped for a moment to breathe, and I knew it was just so she could calm herself and not because she needed the oxygen to continue speaking. "Only a few years after I was changed, Emmett came into my life. I hated everything about myself, even more so the fact that I would never be able to have children. I had a friend in the 30s, Vera, who was my age and already married and had the most beautiful little boy. I was so envious of her. I wanted everything she had and more, and now I never would.

"When I saw Emmett being attacked and I saw his face for the first time, the same beautiful face as Vera's little boy, I knew I had to save him. I had to keep him with me. There was no way I could let someone so precious and innocent die when I could prevent it.

"I ran him back to Carlisle with him dying in my arms, and I thought I would be too late. Carlisle did everything he could when I got Emmett to safety, and thankfully it was enough to save him, even if he was now stuck in the existence that I was. He told me later on that he thought I was his guardian angel looking after him.

"I loved him from that day on and I never wanted to be apart from him. I would go to the ends of the earth to protect him, and I know he would do the same for me. We're committed to each other wholly, just like Alice and Jasper, and Esme and Carlisle."

Rosalie turned to look at me for the first time since she started her story. Her eyes were deep gold, seeing somewhere far off. "I want you to know, Bella, that Edward would give his own life to keep you alive. He's never felt this way about anyone before. I've never seen so much emotion from him over one person. He believes that he's destroyed your soul and any chance of you ever possibly loving him. And it's tearing him up inside, Bella."

I don't know how long we both sat there in silence after Rosalie's last words. I know I felt sick in the pit of my stomach. I was sure she didn't intend for me to feel guilty, but it's exactly what I felt as soon as she finished. I felt like a monster once more, and the only thing I wanted right now was to rush upstairs and take Edward in my arms and tell him how I feel.

But my feet were planted firmly were they sat on the carpet of the interior of the Audi. I felt glued to the seat. Eventually Rosalie got up and headed inside and I stayed rooted in the driver's seat of my new car. My mind felt as though it were spinning a million miles an hour and I couldn't make it stop.

I heard the passenger door open again but never looked over as Alice sat down beside me. She took my hand as my empty eyes continued to gaze unseeing out the windshield.

"He's coming down to talk to you." She said quietly. At that I finally snapped out of my daze.

"He is? Why?"

"I told him it was time. Things between you two need to heal and you've both reached that point where you may not think you're ready, but deep down you are. I just wanted to come out here and tell you he was on his way. Please talk to him, Bella, he needs to hear your voice. He loves you."

I nodded my acquiescence.

"If he asks you to try and spend some time with him, do it. I know you want to. And I know you want him to ask. Don't be afraid of letting him in. You're not still angry with him are you?"

I shook my head.

"All right, I'll leave you alone for a moment. He'll be right out." I nodded again and Alice got out of the car. If she saw that anything may go wrong, she wouldn't have left my side. I felt slightly better with that little bit of knowledge, it gave me just enough courage to look up the next time my name was spoken in that rich, velvet voice that I had been dying to hear for weeks.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

**EPOV**

I knew the moment Alice walked into my room with that bright smile that something had gone right. I wanted to read her mind, but my sister started talking before I had the chance. She told me that Rosalie had sat down with Bella and opened up to her about everything she knew Bella needed to hear. I could only hope it helped to open Bella's eyes a little.

Alice then told me it was time to talk to her again. She had seen us having a very profound conversation that would change the course our relationship was on at this moment. I had no idea what that meant and I wanted to go through everything Alice had seen, but I wouldn't violate her privacy.

I waited until I could no longer hear Rosalie talking to Bella down in the garage and got up off my couch pacing around my room for several minutes before I built up the courage to go downstairs and see Bella for the first time in weeks.

In addition to not speaking directly to me, she had deftly avoided me. I saw her when she left and returned from hunting trips with various members of my family, but I haven't seen her face to face in almost a month.

With a shaking hand I opened the door leading out to the garage and walked over to where Bella was sitting in her new Audi. I had chosen the car for her. She didn't seem like the type of girl who needed something flashy, fast, or huge. I would have gotten her something very similar to my own Volvo, but as soon as I thought of the coupe I knew it would be perfect for her.

"Bella," I said softly as I sunk down into the leather seat on the passenger side.

She actually looked up at me from where her eyes had been staring into her lap. She offered me the tiniest, saddest smile, and then dropped her eyes once more.

"I'm sorry for what I've put you through, Edward." She whispered so quietly a human would not have had a chance at hearing her.

"I don't blame you." I responded just as quietly. "I've been living with so much self-hatred these past weeks. I despised myself for what I had to do to you."

"Please don't, Edward." Bella looked up at me with pleading eyes. "I already hate myself enough for making you feel that way."

"I wish you didn't feel that way, I don't want you to." I looked up at her seeing the deep sadness in her eyes. "Can we start over?" I asked, offering her a small, gentle smile. "Or something along those lines?"

"We can't just forget everything, Edward. I never will. But I think what we can do is just move on at this point. I think we've both learned that silence is not the answer, and we need to trust each other."

I nodded my agreement. "Thank you, Bella, you don't know how much peace you have given me by simply saying that. I still hate myself, but…" Bella shushed me as soon as the words started to leave my mouth.

"Stop, please don't say anything like that anymore. I don't want to hear it."

"Do you want to go on a hunt with me?" I offered after silence had passed between us for a long time.

Bella sucked in a long breath and let it out slowly. I didn't know if she was frustrated or thinking deeply. She didn't appear to be frustrated, and I wouldn't know what she was thinking. I still can not here her thoughts. But I hesitated in voicing just how annoyed that made me. She wouldn't care. She might even use that knowledge to her advantage if she had somehow forgotten about it.

"I think I'm ok right now." Bella finally whispered.

She was lying and I could literally see it in here eyes. They were growing bright red again.

"You're not. You need to hunt and you know it. Don't deprive yourself, Bella. Not in the beginning." She sat there in silence refusing to look up at me. I yearned to reach across the space between us and turn her chin up, but I didn't want her flinching from my sudden touch. I didn't want to catch her off guard.

"I know you're right…"

"But," I pressed. "I heard a 'but' in there."

"I don't know, Edward…" Bella looked up at me, her eyes still as distant and sad as they had been when I got in the car some time ago.

"Just come out with me. I promise to look after you. No sudden movements."

"I'm not worried about that. I'm worried…I'm worried I might lose it at any point and hurt you. I couldn't bear that if I actually…bit you and hurt you."

"Don't worry about that. I wouldn't let that happen. Please trust me, Bella."

She sat there in silence again for several long minutes before finally nodding her head in agreement. "Right now?" she asked looking back up at me.

"Yes, if that's all right with you." I reached for the door handle.

"Yeah, let's go." Bella replied softly, and was out of her seat before I was.

We headed out the back door of the garage and across the backyard toward the river. Bella jumped across it and landed neatly fifty yards away on the other side. I was impressed by her grace and the fluidity of her movements. I had grown so used to her clumsiness as a human. I had to remind myself that she no longer needed my protection…well maybe she did. At least from herself still.

"Where would you like to go?" I asked her.

Bella stood still on the edge of the forest and shut her eyes as she breathed in, trying to catch a scent on the wind. "I think I smell some elk a few miles south of here."

"Yes you do, very good. Let's go." I took off at a fast pace run in front of her and she caught up to me in a second. I always took advantage of the fact that I was the fastest runner in my family whenever we played baseball. I would have to extend an invitation to Bella the next time a thunderstorm rolled in.

We stopped about five miles south of the house and Bella sniffed the air again whipping her head to the left. I could see the herd of elk, their heads bowed over the ground as they munched on the fresh grass shoots that were just beginning to push out of the ground.

Bella took off at a full lunge and tackled the buck taking him down with no effort. I watched her as she drained the beast dry in a matter of seconds. The attack had frightened the rest of the herd and they had taken off in a different direction into the trees. As soon as Bella was done we took off together after the rest.

Three hours later and several shared elk between us we headed back to the house feeling satiated for the time being. "I think I want a shower." Bella whispered as we walked inside and headed upstairs.

Alice threw me an encouraging smile from where she and Jasper were playing chess by the fireplace. I delved into her mind for a moment and watched the scenes she played for me. Bella and I would continue to grow in our relationship as it progressed in a positive direction.

I walked Bella to her door and bid her goodnight before heading up to my room. Just as I shut my door I noticed the journal we had been passing back and forth between us and remembered I had written one last entry to Bella that she had not seen yet. It was the one containing everything I had been dying to say to her for weeks now and had finally grown the courage to do so.

With a renewed confidence in my step I headed back downstairs to give it to her so she could read it, and I noticed she had left her door ajar. I could smell the steam from her shower where I stood in the hallway. She must have just turned it on and wasn't in there yet.

I pushed the door open and was about to drop the journal on her desk when I glanced into the bathroom and caught sight of Bella sitting in her glass enclosed shower. Her back was to me and she was sitting under the spray still in her clothes as the water soaked her through.

I took a hesitant step forward but stopped. I saw then that Bella was shaking and I knew it had absolutely nothing to do with the water since steam was still issuing upwards. Something inside screamed at me to go to her, but at the same time something else told me to stay back and give her space.

In the end I left the journal for her on her bed and shut the door quietly behind me. Bella obviously had something turning over and over in her mind and she needed her own space to figure it out. I'm sure our conversation today had done nothing to settle whatever unnerving thoughts she was having. I would hate it if I was to cause her even more confusion, but I probably was and there was nothing I could do about it.

When she was ready to tell me, I knew she would.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	14. Second Chances

**A/N: Chapter 13, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

I was sitting on the floor in the middle of my room listening to the music pouring from my iHome, letting blissful sound soothe my aching mind. I could sit still here all day and just listen over and over.

I just needed room to think, needed to let my mind wander and drift away for the time being. I wasn't angry and I wasn't frustrated. I was confused. I had done as Alice asked, and over the past few weeks I had spent some time with Edward talking. Just talking and getting reacquainted with each other, so to speak.

I had to give him credit for trying. It was obvious he felt terrible. I told him I forgave him, which I partially did. I was honest and admitted I was thankful he had saved me, I wasn't ready to die yet. But now I was stuck in this vampire form for the rest of…well, for however long I lasted I suppose. For the rest of this unnatural existence.

Now I'm starting to sound like Edward.

I was trying to figure out in my head what exactly Edward could be playing at now. He wanted to be my friend, ok. I could let him do that. But I still sense something else coming from him. I'm not going to go back out on my initial assumption from weeks earlier, before he took away all that was good in my life and gave me something so much more than I could have ever dreamed. I'm not going to doubt that maybe he has feelings. Maybe he does love me. It wouldn't be a very far-fetched notion.

I heard his footsteps approaching before he reached my door. I stood and walked over to my speakers turning off the iPod and opened the door to find Edward standing there, waiting. He apparently heard me coming, too.

"Hey," He said simply, a smile touching the corners of his lips.

"Hey,"

I crossed my arms over my chest to try and hide that my nipples had hardened just a little. I forgot how positively sexy he looked when he smiled. I tried hard not to smile, but when Edward reached out and cupped my cheek I couldn't resist the grin that stretched my lips somewhat and the soft sigh that escaped them.

He immediately pulled his hand back and I missed the feel of it on my skin. That was the first time he had touched me since before my transformation. He no longer felt cold or hard anymore. Our bodies were the same temperature now. He felt more natural, his skin still silky smooth but softer. I opened my eyes, not even realizing I had shut them and gasped. Edward was gazing at me with such intensity it almost frightened me. His eyes were like liquid gold, warm, but burning with desire.

"Was there…was there something you wanted?" I asked finding my voice.

"Yes," he answered, reaching out to stroke my cheekbone. "I want you to climb some trees with me."

"What?" I asked, a true smile finally making its way to my lips.

"Just take my hand, Bella." Edward held his left hand out to me, inviting me. Tentatively I took it, my fingers instinctively curling around his. Nothing had ever felt so right to me.

Before I knew what was happening Edward and I had leapt through my bedroom window and we were sprinting toward the river. We leapt across it cleanly, our hands never detaching. Once we reached the trees on the other edge of the valley behind the Cullen's house Edward finally let my hand go and bade me to follow him.

I had no idea where he was leading me but I trusted him, and I was actually curious if he literally meant for us to climb trees. We were probably about five miles deep into the forest when Edward stopped again, only a few seconds after we had started running. He quickly hopped up onto the branch of a towering spruce and looked down at me, fifty feet below him, and laughed.

"Come on, Bella." He called softly, leaning over. His smile was so infectious I couldn't help the grin I beamed back at him and leapt for the branch above him, landing on it without any difficulty. He was now ten feet below me. "Cheater," he mumbled, and jumped up to the same branch grabbing the one directly above us for support, his face coming within an inch of mine.

I gasped audibly, and my initial instinct was to pull back, but I didn't. I held Edward's gaze, just as intense and deep as it was before inside the house. He let go of the branch above him and brought his hand back to my face. Just as his fingers were about to touch me, I flinched, hissed, and sprang back landing on the branch of a tree ten feet away.

"Bella, I'm sorry." He called to me softly. He leapt over landing above me and slowly eased down to the branch I was on. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

I'd already shaken it off. "It's ok, I just…" _I just got completely caught up. _

"May I?" He asked very quietly, politely. His hand rose once more to caress my cheek.

"You have to catch me first," I smirked at him, and quickly took off through the branches of the trees. I could hear Edward laughing behind me as he tried to keep up, but I had gotten too much of a head start and suddenly I was climbing up, leaping from branch to branch until I reached the top of the spruce and I suddenly stopped as I looked around at the surrounding scene before me.

Edward was at my side in an instant. I realized then that he had intended for this to happen, to chase me up one of these trees. We had to be at least a hundred feet up from the ground, I wouldn't be surprised if we were more. We were situated at the top of one of the tallest trees in the area over looking the beautiful river gorge below us.

"Oh my God," I breathed taking everything in. "Edward, this is…"

"I know," He said behind me, and I suddenly felt his hand on my hip holding me steady although I didn't need it. His touch at first caught me off guard and I turned slightly over my shoulder. "Is this ok?" he asked, his hand moving to my waist.

"Yes," I turned back to the scenery below us.

"Do you see why I'm always going out?" His voice was at my ear now, his cool breath gently stirring my hair.

I nodded unable to find any new words to describe the beauty around us. I was again too caught up in the man currently holding me close to him, and constantly pulling me closer. I shut my eyes trying to find some reason in my mind to tell him to stop. But I couldn't. My back finally hit Edward's chest and the unnecessary air in my lungs quickly whooshed out.

Suddenly his soft lips were on my neck pressing kisses along the skin leading to my shoulder. I might have breathed his name. My hand reached up behind me to twine in his hair and hold him to me. I didn't want him to stop. All of the anger, the aversion I had been feeling toward him, the doubt that maybe he was trying to make things right between us so _he_ felt better…that all dissipated in my mind the moment he held me, the moment that I felt this was _right_.

Edward brought his other hand up so he was holding me in the complete circle of his arms, our bodies pressed close together. His lips continued to trace up and down my neck while he breathed across my skin, sometimes running the tip of his tongue along my jugular.

"Edward, let's go back to the house." I breathed.

He pulled back turning me so I faced him. His eyes were dark gold now, and burning with more than just desire. They were heavily lidded and lust-filled. A fire I had never seen before burned behind the endless ochre shade of them. "Why," he asked, breathless. I knew that he already knew the answer and was just waiting to hear me say it. Or maybe he truly had no idea and was afraid he had hurt me again in some way.

That simply was not the case.

I leaned up on my toes, my fingers curling into the collar of his shirt as I brought my mouth right up next to his ear and I whispered, "I want you to take me to bed."

Looking back into his eyes I noticed they flashed black for a moment, and then Edward was pinning me against the trunk of the tree, his mouth crushed to mine. "Are you sure?" he whispered to me when we managed to break apart. His eyes were squeezed shut as if he was in pain, but I knew better. I could feel the real reason pressed firmly against my abdomen.

"I'm sure about _this_," I pressed my hand to his chest where there should have been a heartbeat, but it was still. "I know you're not going to hurt me again, Edward."

"You trust me?" He cupped my face, his eyes still shut although they relaxed a bit.

"I've always trusted you."

Edward swung me onto his back without another word and a moment later we were on the ground and holding hands as we ran back to the house as fast as our preternatural speed would allow. He held my hand as we jumped up to my window on the second floor and landed soundlessly on the floor.

Only then did he finally let go, and turn to me with unexplainable pain in his eyes. Three feet separated us across the room and I longed to erase it, take him in my arms and remove that tortured expression from his face. I didn't like when he remained silent like this, but I suppose now I know how he feels whenever he tries to sense what's going on in my mind.

We truly have come full circle.

"Edward," I breathed his name taking a precautionary step toward him, but he held his hand up to stop me.

"Is this what you really want, Bella?" He asked, his eyes meeting mine. "Or are you doing this because you think it will make me happy?"

"I want _you_," I whispered, "Nothing else matters."

Edward breathed a laugh through his nose and he looked to the floor, shame crossing his features. I took another step toward him, desperate to take his face in my hands and kiss away the doubt that was so obviously holding him back from me.

"What's changed your mind?" He asked suddenly.

"You have," I answered without hesitating. "What you've shown me today. What you've shown me these past weeks. And I don't just mean what's all around us, Edward, I mean your attitude, your manner." I took another step toward him and stopped. "I expected you to be angry with me for acting the way that I did initially. How ungrateful I must have seemed. But you were patient and steady with me."

His eyes lifted from the floor but he didn't look at me, although I knew he was listening to what I was saying. "I know you didn't deserve the way that I treated you, and I shouldn't have done that. You saved my life."

"I destroyed your life, Bella."

"You gave me a new one." I crossed the rest of the space between us and grabbed his arm turning him to face me and forced him to look at me. "I'm so sorry, Edward."

"I should be apologizing to you."

"You have, and you can stop now. I don't want to hear that anymore from you, and I'm going to stop saying it as well after today. Let's just…start over, again."

Edward chuckled at this, but he lifted his chin a little higher and dropped a kiss to the top of my head. "For a third time?" he teased, the smile gracing his lips touching his eyes and making them shine once more.

"If you want to put it that way." I let my fingers curl into the collar of his shirt, but this time they drifted down to the buttons and popped the first one open. "Edward,"

He brought his hands up to mine and held them, but he didn't push them away. "Bella, are you really sure? I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to force you into something."

"Edward, haven't you learned by now that that's not possible." I laughed. He returned the joyous sound, softly, but still happily. "Have I ever been known to budge on something I don't want to do?"

"No, you're the most stubborn, silly, beautiful girl I've ever known."

His hands fell and he dropped his head to press his lips against mine in a passionate kiss that left very little to be desired. At first I gripped his shirt tighter, but as his hands wrapped around my back holding me, I found my control again and quickly got the rest of the buttons undone and pushed the shirt off of him to the floor.

My hands fell to the waist of his jeans stalling there as I felt Edward start to pop open the tiny buttons on the front of my shirt. The material immediately loosened around me and the black corset shirt fell away revealing my naked chest to him.

"As much as I loved that shirt on you, you are so much more beautiful without it."

I was waiting for the familiar sensation of blood pooling beneath my cheeks, but it never came. Half a second after Edward spoke I smiled at him and responded, "You can thank your sister. She dressed me this morning."

The grin I received in return was phenomenal. "I'll remember to express my gratitude to Alice the next time I see her." He then took my chin in his hand, one hand pressed to my back holding me, and he drew me up covering my lips with his. My chest crushed to his and I gasped at the initial feel of it. Edward groaned as my mouth opened under his and he slipped his tongue past my teeth to twirl with mine.

Dropping my hands back to the waist of his jeans I began to unbuckle his belt and deftly removed it, making quick work of the button and zipper. With a quiet chuckle Edward pulled back from me and quickly removed the denim material, his face relaxing significantly once the actual material was passed his knees.

"Your turn," he smirked at me as he closed the little space between us. My eyes quickly assessed how impressively tented his shorts were before they averted back to his own. I very nearly lost myself in the golden depths of them. Before I knew what happened, Edward had scooped me up and was carrying me over to the bed where he laid me down on my back and climbed up stretching the length of his body along mine.

Our bodies twisted together naturally, like two puzzle pieces fitting together the way they were meant to. I don't remember losing the rest of my clothing, but it was soon a pile on the floor by the bed and Edward was hovering above me naked. Without any hesitation he crashed his mouth to mine grabbed my left leg, and threw it around his hip as he delved his tongue into my mouth.

I wrapped my other leg around his hip as well digging my heels into his back as Edward pushed forward sliding his entire length into me at once. A burning sensation ripped through my lower abdomen. Edward literally collapsed on me as his arms wound around my body and he lifted me off the bed. I threw my head back at the same time my body left the mattress below me.

Edward pulled me up into a sitting position, panting incredibly hard, the loudest, deepest moan issuing from his lips. We sat there holding each other and staring into each other's eyes for several long minutes until Edward lowered me back to the bed. He started to thrust slowly at first as he and I both became adjusted to the way we fir together.

It was by far the most intimate and extreme experience of my life. I was floored by just the size of him. He felt so large, but that could have been my preternatural vampire senses making everything ten times more defined than it really was. But I wouldn't pass judgment until I actually saw Edward completely naked.

We traded moans back and forth, whispered each other's names, and professed feelings that we had both been dying to share but were too nervous to actually vocalize. Edward eventually flipped us over so I was on top looking down at him. Our connection never broke as I settle myself into a comfortable position across his hips and began riding him. His hands never left my waist as they guided me up and down, back and forth.

I grabbed his hands at one point and pinned them back to the bed beside his head lacing our fingers tight. I leaned down pressing my lips to his in a hard, passionate kiss. Pulling back I decided to increase my efforts ever so slightly and started bucking harder. Edward's eyes squeezed shut tight and he moaned even louder than before. The sounds he made were driving me absolutely crazy and if I wasn't a stranger to a little self-pleasure now and again, I would've come a long time ago.

Edward reached behind him to grab the headboard, and I could make out "stop," as he whispered it breathless with exertion. I slowed my movements down waiting for Edward. I was surprised when he told me to lie down on my stomach. I did as he asked and then he rolled over lying on top of me, his chest to my back, and he spread my thighs positioning himself at my entrance from behind and thrust forward into me. I gasped audibly at the change in angle and from the erotic feel of him like that. He laid back down the way he had before, his hand coming around to cup my face and gently turn me to face him. The kiss he pressed to my lips was so sweet and gentle, so unhurried yet so passionate that I sighed into his mouth and shut my eyes so I could simply _feel_ him.

Edward raised himself up on his arms grabbing my hands and threading our fingers before he started to thrust forward in this new position. I couldn't help the groans that issued out of my mouth every time he pulled out and pumped back in. I felt him twitch inside me and yelped. Edward roared above me suddenly and I felt a cool gush between my legs. He pumped into me harder, triggering a sensation in my own body that left me writhing and screaming beneath him.

The bed actually shifted away from the wall as Edward collapsed beside me. Despite the unnecessary need for oxygen in bodies, he was panting as if he had just finished running a five mile marathon. He threw his arm across his eyes and just lay there. My body was still quivering from the shock of my orgasm…and holy fuck if it wasn't the best I ever felt.

I turned onto my side eventually and curled next to him laying my head on his chest.

"Jesus Christ, Bella."

"Tell me about it."

Edward let his arms wrap naturally around me and drew me closer to him. I snuggled my head into his shoulder sighing in sheer contentment. "I am so glad I lost my virginity as a vampire."

Edward laughed out loud, so hard in fact that he made the bed shake. I liked the way his body felt as it vibrated beneath me lightly. I couldn't help but press my lips to his chest and start trailing kisses all over him. Edward let out a soft sigh as my mouth slid across his smooth skin.

I was so lost in my exploration of his body that I thought I heard him whisper, "Me too,"

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	15. Complicated

A/N: Chapter 14, revised.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

I shut my eyes as Bella kissed her way around my body, her soft lips leaving trails of fire on my skin as she snaked her way from my mouth to my stomach. She stopped just above my groin and for a second I thought she was going to keep going down, but she didn't. She folded her arms on my abs and gazed up the length of my body at me.

"You're so beautiful," I whispered reaching down to trace the tip of my finger along the contours of her face.

Bella bowed her head and kissed my stomach. "So are you,"

"You more so."

She sighed and lifted herself up flopping down beside me, supporting herself on one elbow. She reached out laying her hand flat against my chest. Very slowly she slipped it down my torso until it disappeared beneath the sheet, stopping between my legs.

Her eyes remained locked with mine the entire time as she stroked and learned the feel of me in her palm. Her face was calm and blank, while mine was taut. "I love it when I'm right." She whispered as she pulled her hand back.

I rolled onto my side supporting myself on one elbow. "How do you mean?"

"I thought it was my super vampire senses making everything feel ten times better. But you really are…quite large."

"I could have just showed you if you asked."

"Would you really?" Bella challenged, an eyebrow quirking. "I thought you were a gentleman."

"I am," I inched a little closer to her, "But I'm also male, and the tendency to feel distinct pride in myself is just as strong as any other human man."

Bella's tongue peeked out from between her lips and her eyes drifted to where the sheet covered me from the waist down. She started to reach out, but I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards me, my body rolling so I lay on my back and Bella lay atop me. She shrieked in surprise and delight, but didn't resist as I planted my hands on her ass and pulled her closer.

"I take it you want more." She guessed as we started to position ourselves.

I nodded in the affirmative and shuffled up the bed a little, Bella splaying her knees on either side of me. We took our time, hands roaming slowly, learning. I made her shudder violently in release, following soon after her. We lay together on our sides afterwards, face to face with our arms draped over each other. I never wanted to let her go.

"I have something I need to tell you." I confessed quietly, my finger currently drawing a random spiral patter on the soft, silky skin of Bella's back.

"And what would that be?"

As I stared into the depth of her eyes, the red of them had already begun fading and was now a soft orange, I momentarily considered biting my tongue and keeping the information to myself. But to not tell Bella would be a betrayal, because what I had been doing, I had been doing for her.

I bit my lip, a habit I had picked up from watching her. It was the easiest way to tell that she was either upset or nervous. "Do you promise not to be mad with me?"

"Depends," Bella smiled at me, her hand stroking my chest. I grabbed it holding it against my heart.

"Bella, I'm serious, what I have to tell you will not be easy to hear. Please, promise you will not be mad with me."

"Edward," Bella sat up a little and reached out with her other hand to cup my face, "Whatever it is I swear I will not be mad at you. Just tell me."

I took a deep breath simply because it was a human habit that I was used to displaying, and let it out.

_She's going to hate me all over again, I know it. _

All of the progress we had made was going to be in vain as soon as I told her.

"I've been going to Forks…I've been watching your family."

Bella's eyes widened for a moment, her hand falling from my face. I watched as her entire body tensed up and her lips set in a firm line. She too took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"And when were you going to share any details of this with me?"

"I didn't want to upset you, Bella. I just wanted to see them. I did it for you. I just…I figured if I saw they were moving on and being strong then you would also."

Bella didn't say anything, she didn't move, but she also didn't meet my eyes. I reached out to stroke her cheek, but she pushed my hand away. "Edward, you know how I feel about leaving my family behind. I can't believe you did that. You know how much it absolutely kills me that I can't see them because I'm a potential threat."

"Bella, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking it through properly-"

Her eyes shot up to mine, "No you weren't." She snapped at me. She got out of the bed and started to put her clothes on. "Do you have any idea how painful this is for me, Edward? I may never get to see my family again. My own baby brother who's probably joined the family by now. Did you see him?" She asked it as more of an accusation than a question.

I nodded wordlessly. Bella stiffened once more, her eyes becoming distant. I knew if she could cry she would be right now. I had done the one thing she absolutely could not. The one thing I would not allow her to do. And yet I considered it all right to do it myself.

What the hell was wrong with me?

"Bella, please…" I started to get up just as she was finishing with her clothes. "Bella, I really am so sorry. I shouldn't have done it. Please, I'll take you to them if you want."

"No, I'm not safe remember." Her voice dripped with venom and hate.

"Bella, I trust you. I've learned that over the past few weeks. You're not dangerous."

"Ha," Bella laughed mockingly. "Tell that to Jasper."

I waved my hand in the air dismissing the comment. I picked up my clothes and started to dress. "Don't worry about Jasper, he's basing what he knows on his experience alone. He's not considering that you were raised in a peaceful town, with a good childhood surrounded by people who love you. Every person is different, and therefore every vampire created is different."

Bella sat down on the bed burying her face in her hands. I crouched down in front of her taking her hands away from her face and holding them tight in my own. Just the fact that she let me touch her like this gave me hope that maybe she didn't hate me after all.

"Bella, please believe me when I say how sorry I truly am, and that I _will_ take you into Forks if that's what you want."

She looked up at me, her eyes still distant, as if she were looking into her past for a happy memory that she could hold onto. "Do you really believe that I can be around humans and not slip into some crazy bloodlust the moment I smell one?"

The answer that immediately came to mind was 'no', but I couldn't say that to her. I could, however, give her the most honest answer. "I don't know, Bella. You've never smelled human blood. You only know bloodlust because you crave blood to survive. You need it. And you're a newborn and newborns by nature are notoriously thirsty in their first year."

Bella sighed, her eyes finally gazing into mine. I reached up stroking a piece of hair behind her ear. I cupped the side of her face running my thumb along her cheekbone. "We can start on the edge of town and let you wander for a bit, get used to the smell there and then ease our way in."

"And you really don't think I'll kill someone."

"I don't know, Bella. But you've hardly shown a volatile nature. You're surprisingly civil and calm for a newborn."

"And you'll get me out of there if I start to lose my cool, right?" She smiled at me from under her lashes, anxiety clear in both her voice and on her face.

"I would never let you do something that I know you would regret for the rest of your life."

She took another deep breath to calm herself and started to stand up. I wrapped her in my arms pulling her close to me as I covered her mouth with my own. Her fingers reached up twisting into my hair. She needed to calm down before we went into town. I couldn't let her go when she was would so tight. She was guaranteed to snap. She would go in there expecting failure and it undoubtedly happen.

I helped her shed her clothes once more and then she helped me shed mine. I made love to her slowly, working her toward an explosive release that reduced the tension in her body significantly. We lay together on her bed for a while after, just talking. I told her everything I had seen. I filled her in on how her younger siblings were doing in school.

Her sister was dating a football player now, and she seemed very happy with him. Her brother was currently trying to find a date for the spring fling dance, and wasn't having very much luck with it. Nor was he having much luck in some of his classes as well.

"Well, Mike never was very studious. He prefers to goof around with his friends then get his work done."

I laughed, reveling in how it felt with my body still connected to hers. Bella sighed contently and reached out pulling me on top of her. I hovered above her smiling at her. She reached up brushing some hair out of my eyes and pressed her lips to mine.

"You know if you keep this up we'll never get out of this bed." I whispered against her mouth.

"Maybe I don't ever want to get out. Maybe I just want to stay here with you forever."

I pressed my mouth to her neck. "As tempting as that sounds, I know you want to see your family. And I could never keep you from them." I pulled back. "How are you feeling right now?"

"Better,"

"Good. Would you be willing to try this afternoon, or would you like to wait until another day?"

"No, I want to see them." Bella started to sit up and I rolled off of her, extracting myself from her body at the same time. I knew now that I was never going to be able to get enough of her. And I knew she felt the same. I understood now what my brothers meant about this being something you'll never satisfy, but learn to manage.

We got dressed in our clothes for the second time, unable to keep our mouths from connecting every few seconds. I pulled Bella to me attaching my lips to her neck. I just needed to hold her and let her know how I felt before we left. I wanted to burn this feeling into my memory.

"Let's go." I took her hand and led her from the room downstairs to the garage.

"Are we driving or running?" Bella asked. I honestly hadn't thought about it, and had headed for the garage simply out of habit.

"We can run, if it would help you."

"Please," Bella asked, her eyes pleading. I glanced back at her when I heard the fear in her voice. I closed the space between us holding her close.

"Are you sure you can do this right now?" I stroked her back as her arms wound around my neck.

"Yes, please, Edward. I need to see them."

I could feel her body shaking as I held onto her. There was no way she would able to hold it together should something go wrong. She absolutely was not ready for this, and I knew if we waited her anxiety would only get worse and taking her into Forks would become harder and harder.

"Let's just go, Edward, before I change my mind."

I held her hand the entire time as we ran towards town. Her grip was tight, tight enough that I could feel the bones pressing together in my hand, but the was pain bearable. I squeezed her hand back in reassurance as we approached the edge of Forks.

I could already recognize the familiar warm smell of human blood, which meant Bella would be able to smell it soon if she didn't already. I stopped when we reached our first goal and gave Bella's hand a small tug to let her know to stop as well.

"Take a deep breath, try to remain calm and tell me what you smell."

Bella stood beside me as she filled her lungs with the air around her. Her body went suddenly rigid, and my natural instinct was to get my arms around her. I held her close, my arms around her waist. But she made no protest, nor did she try and get away from me. She stayed there in my embrace inhaling, identifying.

"Oh God, Edward, it smells…so warm. So good."

My throat was ripping into flames, although not painful. I could imagine the pain that Bella was in right now. Her mouth was probably flooding with venom at the thought of tasting the sweet smell that saturated the air around us.

"Can you ignore it?" I asked, knowing it was stupid question.

"I don't know…it smells so delicious. I want it."

"Relax, try breathing through your mouth." I leaned down pressing a kiss to her shoulder. Her body relaxed significantly, and I felt her stop breathing. "Is that better?"

"A little, but it doesn't help entirely. Just stay close and be ready to grab me." Bella instructed.

I bit back the sexual innuendo that popped into my head. I've been spending too much time with Emmett.

We slowly worked our way further into the town, stopping every quarter mile and allowing Bella to assimilate to the concentration in the air. I wanted her to try and hunt for something small. A squirrel, a rabbit, anything. But she insisted she was fine, she wasn't too thirsty. It was just the principle.

We were about a mile from her house when she struggled the first time. I kept my arms as tight around her as I could. I pulled her deep into the trees and sat her down whispering over and over into her ear to relax, breathe through her mouth.

When it didn't work, I picked her up and started to run her back to our house. We got halfway there when she managed to break free from me and took off back towards Forks. This was exactly what I had feared. I was suddenly so thankful that I was the fastest in my family.

But Bella was a newborn and she had a head start. I chased after her, following her scent through the trees. She had gone all the way back into town, her heady fragrance leading me right up to her house. I froze as I entered the property, terror gripping my still heart when I considered what Bella could have done.

But then I saw her just in front of me, clinging to a tree as she stared longingly at her house. I walked up behind her slowly, my foot managing to snap a twig. Bella turned and hissed at me, the feral snarl dying the moment she recognized me.

"Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry." She threw herself into my arms. "I didn't know it was you."

"Shh, it's ok. I'm right here." I held her for a moment rocking her gently. "Don't ever run from me like that ok? I thought the worst was going to happen."

Bella nodded. "I know, but I could never hurt my family. I love them." She looked up at me, her eyes wide. "Which I think is what kept you from killing me."

We stood there a few minutes as Bella collected herself, me offering her words of encouragement. She inched back toward the house stopping at the tree line. I could tell from the rigid line of her body that she was petrified to go any closer. She didn't really need to, she could more than see and hear any activity from where she was standing.

I came up beside her, wrapping one arm around her waist and reaching out for the tree next to me with the other. We were well hidden behind some overgrowth of bushes so there was no way anyone inside could see us out here.

Inside her mother and father were sitting in the living room on the couch, the TV on turned to some sports channel. Her mother was holding a blanket wrapped bundle in her arms and had a towel over her shoulder. She was obviously nursing her baby boy, her husband's arm over her shoulders as he concentrated on the television.

Bella shuddered against me momentarily as she watched. "I'll never be able to hold him." She whispered. "My baby brother,"

"He's about three weeks old now." I responded to her. "He's a big guy, loves to eat."

Bella laughed quietly. "Well, that would be my father in him. I wish I could see him." The longing and sadness in her voice shot straight to my heart. I pulled her closer to me in comfort.

I heard a car approaching down the street and knew it was Bella's younger sister Jessica and her bother Mike returning home from school. A red Honda pulled into the driveway and both siblings got out, respective backpacks over their shoulders. Another, bigger guy got out from the back taking Jessica's hand as they walked inside.

"Is that her boyfriend?" Bella asked pointing to him.

"Yeah, Tyler Crowley. He's a nice kid. Bit of a meathead, but he treats your sister well."

"Good,"

She watched her brother and sister walk inside, Mike heading straight for the stairs as Jessica and Tyler walked into the living room. She took the couch beside her mother and Tyler shook hands with Charlie before taking the armchair. Both men became engrossed with whatever was still on the television and Jessica took her baby brother laying him over shoulder.

"They all look so happy, like…like I've never been gone. Like I was never there to begin with."

I turned Bella around in my arms holding her shoulder firmly but not tight. "Bella, they love you and think about you every day. Your parents are thinking about you right now." I glanced over her shoulder at them, at Jessica patting her brother's back as she burped him.

I looked back to Bella. "They wish you were in there right now. They miss you so much, Bella. They haven't stopped the search, they still believe you will come home to them." I left out how her mother cried herself to sleep most nights, how stressed out her sister truly was because she had no one her age to go to with her problems. She didn't want to bother her mother when she was so tired from taking care of the baby.

I didn't tell her how brokenhearted her father truly was over this. Reaching out for his thoughts I picked up on one that he had everyday. Bella had been his baby girl from the moment she was born, and she still was today.

But I couldn't tell Bella any of this because I knew just how much pain it would cause her, and I would rather destroy myself before causing her to feel like that.

"I need to get out of here, Edward. I can't stay." Bella whipped her head around when she heard laughter from inside the house. Jessica and her mother were laughing at a stupid joke her boyfriend had told.

"They don't need me here, Edward. They're getting along fine without me, just as I knew they would." Bella suddenly pried herself from my grasp and took off in the opposite direction of her house. I glanced back at her house one more time before leaving.

The entire time I chased Bella back to my house all I could think about was how I knew this entire trial was a bad idea. How I knew how much pain this was going to cause Bella, and I had allowed it. I was such a fool for letting her do this when I knew exactly what the outcome was going to be.

She was huddled in her car in the garage when I got back, her entire body shaking. Alice sat in the back seat with her, her arm around her shoulders as she spoke calming words to her. They both looked up as I approached, both scooting in the seat to make room for me. Bella folded herself into my lap wrapping her arms around my neck as Alice's hand moved to rub her back comfortingly.

_Is she going to be ok?_ I asked Alice.

Her eyes met mine, sad and filled with remorse. _She should be fine, but I would give her space for a day or so. Let her mind come to terms with what she saw. It really was a childish idea to let her do this, Edward, but I understand your reasons behind. She certainly was not ready for this, but it did _need_ to happen. _

_Will she hate me?_

_No, brother. She does not, nor will she hate you. She appreciates what you did for her, knowing how hard it was for you to tell her in the first place. But just let her process everything going on inside her head right now. I'll keep an eye on her. _

_Thank you,_

I kept Bella wrapped up in my arms until her shaking stopped and I felt sure she was secure in her mind. Alice suggested we should go hunting to try and clear our minds, and Bella readily agreed. Jasper joined us, simply so he could have some time with Alice.

I stayed close to Bella the entire time, holding her hand except for when we were feeding. She took down three bucks on her own and drained them dry before I was even half done with my own kill. I knew it was residual anger and rejection she was trying to shake off, and I wished fervently that she did not feel that way, but there was no going back now with what had happened.

All I could do to help her was to give her space as Alice had advised me, and keep reminding her of how I felt. I had her sit beside me later that evening as I played my piano for her, a piece I had composed that had in fact been inspired by my feelings for her. Afterwards she laid me down on the chaise next to my piano and made slow, passionate love to me.

She needed me right now, and I was more than grateful that I had moved my piano to a private room in the house. We never made it back upstairs that night, opting to remain locked away in our world with each other. As we lay there together in our afterglow I ran my fingers through her hair and down her back.

And I finally spoke the three words that had been hanging on my tongue for months now.

"I love you, Isabella Swan."

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	16. Crash and Burn

**A/N: Chapter 15, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

It took me a while to calm down after Edward and I returned from Forks. I felt like my heart had been ripped in two by what I saw. Over and over again Edward repeated to me throughout the night how much my family loved me and how much they missed me and wanted me to come home. They looked so much more stable now than when I had left. I didn't want to disrupt whatever peace they had. It looked too perfect for me to just show up and destroy it.

Edward took me hunting hoping the relief of satiating my incessant thirst would help to clear my mind. Alice and Jasper came with us. I still don't think he trusts me around Alice. Sometimes when he lingers I feel like he'll never trust me again. I can't really blame him. If our places were switched and Alice attacked Edward I wouldn't trust her either to be alone with him.

After we returned from the short hunt Alice wanted me to take a long, hot shower and then she wanted to mess around with my hair. She clearly knew how much brushing my hair calmed me. Edward stopped her, though, before she got too far, insisting he spend some time alone with me first.

He took me upstairs to his bedroom, where he recently had gotten a new bed. I knew the reason why. Alice admitted while we were out hunting that she had told Edward to be prepared for things between him and I to reach another level. And thus the bed now graced his room.

The unbelievably comfortable, king-sized bed was as soft as the smoothest silk and it felt like lying on a cloud. Edward lowered me to it slowly, keeping me wrapped up in his arms. His mouth was supple and urgent against mine as I quickly worked the buttons open on his shirt. I couldn't believe we were already going for round four today.

I had been fighting back my desire for him all afternoon. It burned low in my body, nearly equaling the constant burn in my throat. Watching him hunt only made matters worse. He was always so precise, so quick and clean. There was something beautiful about watching him take down a wild beast twice and sometimes even three times his size. Beautiful…and threatening.

Sometimes in the past few weeks I'd catch myself imagining what it would be like to have his teeth sink into me. Well, they had once, but I barely had any memory of it. I wanted to consciously feel his sharp teeth rip into my skin.

I rid Edward of his shirt rolling him onto his side as I pushed it down his arms. He grabbed the hem of my shirt to lift it, but then remembered that it was a corset top. His fingers quickly flicked open all of the little hooks on the front and yanked me on top of him so I was straddling his hips and he quickly rid me of the constricting garment.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered, his hands running up and down my sides lovingly.

I placed mine flat against his chest and threw my head back. I was never going to get used to wanting him so much. With a grunt in arousal he flipped me onto my back in a flash, his golden eyes dark with lust and desire. We finished undressing each other quickly, our clothes landing in random places around his room.

Edward grabbed the backs of my knees and pulled me down the bed until my hips aligned with his. He wrapped my legs around his waist positioning himself as my body formed a vice around his. He slid into me gently, taking his time. His eyes never looked away from mine. I reached up locking my arms around his neck pulling his mouth down to mine.

"I have an odd admission," he whispered as we broke apart.

"It wouldn't be a first time for me to hear you confess something…odd."

Edward chuckled and leaned down to kiss a short trail along my neck and collarbone. "I want to take my time with you right now, love you slowly like I should…but at the same time…" Edward shifted uneasily above me, embarrassed.

I brushed some hair out of his eyes and kissed the underside of his jaw. "Just say it," I encouraged.

"I want to take you like I did earlier, just have my way with you. This desire to just…I can't even describe it. It's a burn so intense, an ache more so. Like I'll never be able to get enough of you."

"I want you the same way. Always,"

Edward's eyebrow quirked in interest. I leaned up so my mouth was next to his ear and whispered, "Just do what feels right, Edward. I don't care how you do it, but please just do it."

He rocked his hips once against mine and we both moaned loudly. That was all it took for both of us to lose control. Every ounce of doubt, sadness and rejection I had been feeling I poured into our lovemaking. Edward reciprocated by keeping me pressed tightly against him as he whispered his feelings for me, keeping me grounded.

Every moment was beyond description. We reached a new level together as we worked each other toward our respective ends. I never wanted any of this to stop. I realized as Edward moved above and in me that I needed him more than anything I had ever yearned for in my life before. Nothing or no one else had ever made me feel so complete.

We lay together on our sides afterward facing each other, our bodies still attached. My hand rested on his hip while his ran up and down my back and side in soothing strokes, reaching up every now and then to twine his fingers in my hair and pull me in to kiss me.

"How are you feeling?" he asked after one such kiss.

"Like I never want to get out of this bed. Do you think Alice knows yet that I won't be playing dress up with her tonight?"

Edward half-smirked, half-grinned at me. "If not, she does now."

"Do you think she'll be mad?"

Edward was silent for a full second before shaking his head. He pressed his lips to my forehead and then tucked me closer to him still. We lay like that for several hours, sometimes whispering to each other, other times just staring into each other's eyes.

Eventually the sun started to rise outside, slanted rays of warm yellow light beginning to pour in through the glass. It touched Edward's skin first, making it sparkle beneath my fingertips as I moved over him now. A moment later my skin began to glow with the same diamond-like sparkle.

But the tender moment was bittersweet since Edward needed to be off to school. I glanced out the window already seeing the clouds rolling in and begin to cover the beautiful sunrise. It was a safe day, and that meant he had to be there.

I picked up our clothes from the night before while he showered. I wrapped myself up in the robe he had put aside for me, waiting for him to come back out before I left to go take a shower myself.

"I want to try and go see my family again today, but alone this time." I stated as he dressed.

Edward looked up at me quickly his eyes full of concern. I knew I was going to receive this reaction from him. And I was prepared for it. I walked over taking his hands in mine. "You may be against it, but it's something I have to do, Edward. I _need_ to do this on my own. I know I'll never hurt them. That's not a real concern to me. But I just need to see them again."

"I'm not very keen on this, Bella…" he sighed loudly, "But if you feel that this is what you must do, and you know that it will help you…then do it. I want nothing but your happiness."

I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed him lightly, one hand finding its way into his hair. I pulled on it loosely keeping him in place as I deepened our kiss a bit. "Thank you, Edward." I whispered, cuddling into his chest once we broke apart.

His arms formed a cirlce around me. We stood there for several minutes, Edward rocking me back and forth as my mind turned over a million thoughts at once. I knew I had to go see my family again. At least my parents, I had to know they were all right. At least holding it together. From what I had seen yesterday it appeared they were, but I hadn't stayed long, and I was hoping maybe I could see my baby brother today.

After several words of encouragement and a promise to pick up where we left off when he got home, Edward and Alice headed out for the day to continue on with the ruse they presented for the small town of Forks.

After they were gone I washed up and dressed for the day in a long-sleeved white shirt and a pair of well fitted jeans, courtesy of Alice. I just wanted something comfortable to run in. I chose my favorite black Converse high tops since they were so well broken in, and then I spent two hours pacing around Edward's room trying to work up the courage to go out there on my own.

Emmett, Esme and Rosalie had gone out, Carlisle was at the hospital and I was still avoiding Jasper. So there was no one around for me to go to for a few more words of encouragement. In the end I sucked it up and headed out the back door. I looked for the path Edward had led us down the previous afternoon, finding it with little difficulty.

I took off at a slow run, for me anyways now, sniffing the air every few seconds so I would know when I was getting close. As soon as the first whiff of that warm, pungent fragrance hit my nostrils my throat ripped into unbearable flames. Yesterday Edward had begged to hunt for something small whenever I saw it, and today I took advantage of the previously stated offer.

It did nothing to satiate the pain, but it helped keep the bloodlust under control. I made the same approach as I had yesterday, stopping every mile or so into the town and assimilated myself. Before I knew it I was staring at the familiar faded white painting that had been home for so many years to me.

My mother was sitting on the couch again, but this time she didn't have my baby brother in her arms. Instead she was reading a parenting book and sipping on a cup of tea. I could see a baby monitor on the table in front of her.

My dad wasn't home by the looks of it, but I peeked out at the driveway and saw his cruiser sitting there. I wanted to climb up a tree and see into the second story, but at the same time I didn't know if either of my parents would see me. I couldn't risk that.

Instead I crept around to the back to the garage. The door was open and I heard someone moving boxes or crates around. When I was able to see inside I saw my father pulling a box down off of a high shelf. He set it down on the floor and took a seat on a stool as he started to go through the contents of the box.

I had to cover my mouth to hide my gasp, although I knew he would never hear it, when he pulled out first a framed photo I knew had been sitting in my room. It was my graduation picture from high school. For several long minutes my father just sat there staring at the picture, running his fingers down the protective glass over the photo.

Eventually he sniffed a couple times and reached down putting the picture back before pulling out another. I didn't recognize this one, but it must have been from my room, buried behind my dozen other photo frames that I had everywhere. But this time my father didn't put the picture back in the box. His head fell as he covered his eyes with one hand and his shoulders started to shake.

Once more my heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest. I desperately longed to walk over to him, a mere fifty feet from me, and let him know I was all right. I was right here, I was alive, sort of…and I loved him. But I couldn't do that. No matter the pain flooding my veins and making me feel sick. Edward had reiterated so many times by now that the one rule I absolutely had to follow: _Keep our existence a secret_.

I couldn't stay. My stomach was twisting into knots and my throat was completely engulfed by fire. I took off back home at breakneck speed. I began to wonder if Edward knew that my father was in so much agony. Yesterday he had told me that he had been to Forks several times in the past month to check on my family. Perhaps he had seen more than just my father melting down.

And then I remembered yesterday when he had been telling me how much my family loved me and wanted me home as I stood there watching them laugh happily together. He had been hesitant at the end, like he wanted to include more, but something was holding him back.

_He had seen them_. He had seen them crying, my mother, father, sister, brother…all of them. He knew the suffering they were feeling, and he thought it all right to spy on them. Did he get some kind of sick, twisted enjoyment out of witnessing this?

When I arrived back at the Cullen house I knew one thing was for sure. I was furious with the man that I was so desperately in love with. And I wanted to destroy everything he cared for most in this world. However, that wasn't going to be particularly easy.

And then my eyes fell on it. I could settle for second best.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

**EPOV**

I had been sitting next to Alice in French class when I suddenly felt her go rigid beside me. I reached over placing my hand on hers.

_What's wrong? What have you seen?_

_Bella,_

I felt my eyes widen and suddenly I was gripping Alice's hand hard enough to press the bones together. My entire form began to quake with nerves and I had the urge to jump up and fly from the room, but I couldn't.

_What's going on, Alice? _

_She's angry…but also very torn inside. _Alice looked over at me with anxious eyes. There was something else going on that she wasn't telling me. And although I wasn't above probing her mind, I respected my sister's privacy.

_I'm leaving after this class. _

_You have biology next. I'll just write up a note and say it was from our parents. Don't worry. _

_Thank you, Alice. _

I let her hand go finally, and she flexed it a bit, a feigned look of relief crossing her features. I had picked up on the thoughts of the students next to us wondering if something was wrong with Alice and I. She knew well enough to act human after such an incident.

After our quick exchange that had taken no more than a few moments, I did my best to remain calm and not break the desk I was currently gripping hard enough to rip chunks from. My body still shook with nerves and concern for Bella. I wanted Alice to tell me what had happened, but if it had been an emergency we would have both left by now.

I had faith that Bella was all right, and I knew she was more than capable of taking care of herself, but still… I knew how hard it was for her to have to be on the periphery of her family's life. I had had to be on the periphery of hers for weeks before I was able to finally take that first step, both physically and metaphorically, toward her.

However, for Bella it was going to be much longer before she could go anywhere nearer to her family than the current distance she maintained.

"How much longer?" I whispered to Alice, my lips moving so quickly it would appear as if I wasn't talking at all.

"Fifty-three seconds." Alice whispered back, her eyes on the board as she neatly scribbled the latest translation into her notes.

My fist clenched tightly in my lap. I had to get out of here. It was killing me inside that Bella may be somewhere crumpled and in emotional pain with no one there to comfort her.

A split second before the bell rang overhead I was out of my seat and already walking out the door before any other of my classmates had gotten up. I headed straight for my car and jumped in gunning it out the parking lot. Thankfully the crossing guard was not there to call the cops on me.

I arrived home less than ten minutes later and headed straight into the garage, expecting Bella to be waiting there for me. But the garage was empty of any of my family members, and a quick sniff at the air told me Bella had been in here, but it was a while ago.

I glanced around at the cars to see if any were missing, and what I saw gone made do a quick double-take.

Why would she take _that_?

Did she even know how to ride it?

Apparently so if it was gone. I took off out the back door looking for a trail that may lead me in the right direction. I noticed a disturbance in our manicured lawn and shot off into the trees following Bella's scent.

It didn't take me long to find her. The trail she had left was clear as day to even a human.

I stared down at the twisted, mangled remains of my beloved bike and the trail beyond that showed the course a body had taken when it was thrown from the bike and rolled across the ground.

Bella was fifty feet away sitting hunched against the trunk of a spruce, her knees pulled up to her chest with her arms wrapped tightly around them. She didn't have a scratch on her body, but her hair was a tangled mess with some leaves stuck in it, and her jeans and white long-sleeved shirt were ripped and stained with dirt and moss. Alice was going to throw a fit.

I stood there watching her as she looked away to the left, her eyes completely void of all emotion, her face a mask. She didn't even bother acknowledging my presence until I started approaching her.

"Go away, Edward." She sneered at me, a low growl rumbling in her throat.

"Can we at least talk about it?" I asked, taking another step forward.

"No," Bella snapped her teeth at me still not meeting my eyes.

I sighed and leaned against the trunk of another spruce folding my arms across my chest. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"Not particularly,"

"Bella, I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

Anger flashed across Bella's face as she sighed and stood to her full height. "What part of '_no_' don't you understand, Edward?" She challenged, glaring at me across the twenty or so feet that separated us now. "Am I speaking a foreign language that you haven't mastered quite yet? Oh wait, yes I am. I forgot its called kindness."

That one hurt, but I shook off the sting of her insult.

"Bella, I'm just concerned that's all. I swear I'm not trying to be nosy, but when you said you wanted to go back to Forks today and see your family I didn't want to think about the impact that it would have on you. Being able to seem them but not approach them.

"And then Alice…well, let's just say I don't know what she saw but I wasn't expecting to return home and discover that you had filched my bike and crashed it into a tree. As soon as Alice saw this I hightailed it back here as fast as I could."

"Wow, you cut biology class, big deal. Isn't that like the millionth time you've probably done it?" Bella asked, sarcasm oozing from her tone.

"That's not the point, Bella. The point is I couldn't bear to think of you trying to harm yourself."

"I wouldn't be angry if you hadn't suggested it in the first place, Edward!" Bella finally screeched at me. "It's your fault."

"I didn't think you'd seriously do it, though. Alice-"

Bella waved her hand in front of her face. "Forget about what Alice can and can not see." Bella walked over to me and stopped when there was one foot between us. She reached down taking my hand tracing it with hers. "You can't say something like that to me and not expect me to follow through on it, Edward. You know how much I miss my family, and how much it absolutely _kills_ me inside to not be able to see them."

I reached out to cup her face but Bella flinched away as soon as my fingers grazed her cheek. "I'm sorry I said it, Bella. I didn't think. I just…said it."

Bella looked back to me, sadness filling her eyes. It killed me to see it there and I wanted it gone. I glanced over her shoulder to my bike and the question crossed my mind. "Why my bike?"

"Because it's yours. I wanted to destroy something you were passionate about, and since I can't die, your bike was the next best thing."

A snarl ripped from my throat as I grabbed Bella's arms and backed her into the closest tree. She returned the sound and glared at me as her eyes flashed black. "Why would you even consider taking yourself away from me?" I demanded of her.

"Because I know how much I mean to you and I want you to know the emptiness I feel whenever I think about my family. It's your fault I'm like this, that I'm _stuck_ like this! I can never be with my family, Edward, while everyday you get to be around yours!"

"You know why I did this." I growled at her, my hands squeezing her arms hard enough now if that were she human I would have without a doubt smashed the bones.

"Maybe you should have let me die, Edward. Because then at least one day I could have a chance of being with my family again."

We stared at each other silently, growls rumbling in both our chests. "You have no idea how passionate I am about you, Bella." I whispered, finally breaking the silence.

She whispered only two words back in challenge.

"Show me,"

Without hesitation I crashed my lips to hers pushing her fully against the tree as hard as I could while simultaneously pushing myself against her body. I forced her mouth open and as soon as I felt her tongue against mine I delved even deeper into her.

Bella was already clawing at my shirt ripping it open and sending buttons flying in all directions. She shoved the sleeves down my arms until the shirt fell to the ground completely forgotten about.

With one quick motion I ripped her shirt and bra from her torso throwing the shredded material to the ground. I bowed my head to her exposed chest sucking her right breast into my mouth. I felt Bella's fingers gripping my hair tightly, tugging and pulling me closer to her at the same time.

The groans that issued from her mouth were enough to keep me going even if I wasn't so riled up with anger and determination to prove to her how much I wanted her. I switched to her left breast sucking on it just as eagerly.

Bella's hand made quick work of my fly and she shoved my jeans and shorts down to my ankles before getting her own pants undone. Once the denim had gathered at her knees I reached down and tore her thin, satiny underwear from her body.

Bella kicked her jeans the rest of the way off and I quickly grabbed her right leg hitching it up to my hip as her hand wrapped around my shaft yanking and pumping it hard. I slammed her into the tree again feeling it splinter slightly from the force.

I groaned loudly in her ear as she continued to stroke my aching erection. I just wanted to bury it in her and never pull back out. I finally pushed her hand off when I thought I was going to explode and kicked my jeans and shorts the rest of the way off before grabbing Bella's left leg, pulling it around my waist to complete the circle her right leg had started, and pushed forward plunging deep into her body.

Bella cried out in shock and pleasure throwing her head back in obvious ecstasy as I began pounding into her furiously, growls repeatedly issuing from my mouth. Little showers of bark rained around us as I pushed her up and down the trunk of the tree. No matter how forceful I got in this moment Bella was going to walk away without so much as a light scrape on her skin. One of the benefits of vampire flesh.

Bowing forward into me, Bella threw her arms around my neck pressing her chest to mine and begged me, panting my name in my ear, to fuck her harder. I slammed her tiny body into the tree with such force it finally buckled and cracked. Bella laughed out loud and the bell-like sound of it made my cock twitch inside of her.

She was moaning indecently at this point, her voice reverberating against the trees. It was the most magical sound I had ever heard, and coupled with the absolute potent fragrance of her arousal, was the most intense experience I had ever had.

Opening my eyes to realize I had squeezed them shut, I discovered my face was buried between Bella's neck and her shoulder. Without thinking I opened my mouth and bit down into her neck. A roar of utter gratification ripped out of my throat as Bella's blood flowed over my tongue. It was beyond sweet and I couldn't get enough. Her fingers twisted around my hair and she screamed my name as she came hard around me.

I pulled away from her neck watching as the wound began to heal. Bella came down from her high panting wildly. She crashed her lips to mine never minding that her blood coated my tongue. She stroked it firmly practically shoving it down my throat. Her hand reached down and grabbed my ass squeezing just as firm and causing me to jerk.

Bella pulled away from my mouth and attached hers to my neck where she started to suck on the skin like crazy. I couldn't hold on any longer and gave in to the fire that had been building in my loins and exploded inside of her.

When I opened my eyes again they fell on what was left of the bite mark on Bella's neck. Just a faint imperfection of the skin that would turn into a light scar in a couple hours time. There was a little bit of dried blood smeared across her shoulder so I leaned in and licked it clean, and fuck if I wasn't tempted to bite her one more time.

Bella sighed contently as my tongue stroked along her skin, her fingers twisting into my hair again and holding me to her. When I pulled back I gazed down into her eyes watching them sparkle with euphoria.

And the realization of what just transpired crashed down on me.

"I'm sorry," I breathed, pulling out of her and quickly beginning to right my clothing, or what was left of it at least. I couldn't say as much regarding Bella's clothes.

Bella watched me from where she was still leaning against the tree. Slowly, her eyes fell downcast and she grabbed up her jeans pulling them on. I gathered the scrap of her underwear off the ground and contemplated handing it to her, but I shoved it in my pocket instead.

"What are you sorry for?"

I looked up at her as I handed her, her shirt and torn bra. "What just happened…"

"Was amazing, Edward." Bella interrupted me.

"It was wrong. It was done in anger and fury, and…"

"Wrong?" Bella accused me, shrugging into her torn shirt. She tied the shredded sides of it into a knot at her stomach that served to both keep the shirt partially closed and provide some support for her bust. "How could it possibly be wrong when it felt so right?"

"Trust me, it was. It was just…it was wrong, Bella."

"I don't believe you, Edward Cullen. You pour your soul out to me, you show me the greatest things I've ever seen, you take me to bed and make passionate love to me for hours…you even give me the joy of seeing my family again, no matter how brief and painful it was…" Bella sighed and took a step closer to me. She grabbed the sides of my torn shirt and yanked my mouth down to hers in a searing kiss that took my nonexistent breath away.

"And then you rip it all out from under my feet and still expect me to be standing afterwards," she breathed when we parted, her tone incredulous.

I never got the chance to explain myself to her. She took off through the trees after that, not bothering to look back.

Hello, my name is Edward Cullen, and I am a first class ass.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	17. Upon Condition

**A/N: Chapter 16, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

Minutes after Bella ran off I was still standing in the middle of the small clearing of trees where our recent intimate activity had led to yet another misunderstanding between us. Not that it always happened this way, but it always seemed to happen whenever I was trying to explain my feelings, or any confusion I felt about them toward Bella.

She jumped to a conclusion once more, and perhaps I should not have said that what we had done was a mistake, but in my heart I knew we never should been together if it was going to be in anger.

I wouldn't have become so tempered if Bella hadn't pushed, but I think she may have been testing me in some way.

I sank down to the ground, unable to will my body to run after her. I would never forget the hurt and anger in her eyes just before she left. There had been so much emotion in her kiss I couldn't even begin to sort it all out. I was an imbecile for allowing myself to speak before I could think about what I would say.

And I had hurt Bella by doing so. How many times had I already promised her that I would never do that again? And how many times had I broken that promise? I've never felt this way about any other being I have ever come across. I have no idea how to love someone.

I've been alone so long that I've become accustomed to speaking my mind without consequence of hurting anyone. But now I loved someone, and most of the things I say I hurt her with, and I don't mean to whatsoever. I never seem to think before any of my actions, and justify them with "I'm doing this for her". When in reality I'm still hurting Bella no matter what I do.

I couldn't sit here and wallow in my self-pity forever so I hauled myself up and returned home, hoping Bella would be there and willing to hear out my apology. Even though I did not have one yet.

However, she was not there. Alice met me at the front door with her arms crossed over her chest. She did not appear upset or angry. Rather her face was blank as if she were watching something off in the distance. But I knew better, she was seeing something that had yet to happen.

I knew the moment I saw my sister that Bella was not here. She had taken off. Fear gripped my heart as I climbed the stairs and Alice grabbed my wrist to stop me from going inside as an overwhelming sense of calm came over me. Jasper must have been just inside the door.

"She's all right, Edward, she's just gone hunting with Carlisle and Esme. But they won't be back until some time tomorrow."

"She will come back won't she?" I asked impatiently.

"Yes, I've told you before, she has no intentions of leaving us." Alice let my wrist go and headed inside. "Edward," She called after me.

I turned and faced her, waiting for more of the impending doom she was going to share. "You can't go after her." Alice warned. She had seen my intention to sneak out my window.

"Why not?" I demanded furiously. "What will happen?"

"Nothing bad will happen, Edward, but it won't help the situation either. Just wait for her to get back tomorrow."

"I need to talk to her, Alice. Now."

Alice crossed the short distance between us and took my hand. "No, not right now, Edward. You need to leave her alone. She has a lot of decisions to make, and having you around is just going to confuse her more because of how she feels about you."

"Did she say anything to you?"

Alice shook her head. "I saw you two in the woods, and then I saw her coming back and wanting to go hunting with Carlisle and Esme, so I told them to wait for her. They left the moment Bella returned."

I let out a heavy breath and yanked my hand away from my sister's. "What time tomorrow?"

"Some time after noon."

I stared wistfully out the back window of the house at the streaks of sunlight as twilight approached. How far could Bella be right now? Was she in Canada, would she really run that far? It wouldn't surprise me and I wouldn't put it past her to get as far away from me as possible.

I truly was a monster to her.

"Maybe you should go hunt as well, Edward. It would clear your mind to give yourself over to our senses." Jasper commented from his place in the corner. I knew he had been there, I had simply ignored his presence upon entering the house. "Alice and I will go with you if you wish."

"Yeah," I nodded, my voice so low a human wouldn't have had a chance of hearing me. "Let's go."

Jasper crossed the room and took Alice's hand, laying his other on my shoulder. "You should have more faith in Bella's love for you. She would never leave you, Edward. If you could feel what I do coming off of her whenever she is around you, you would know."

"Maybe you could provide me with an example?"

"I don't need to. Just trust her."

I was silent for almost a moment before I nodded my head in accord and motioned for my bother and sister to head out in front of me. Alice led us, east away from the setting sun, in the opposite direction Bella had gone. She allowed me entrance into her mind so I could see where Bella was going.

She was still within the country, however she was staying within the northern portion of the state, close to the borderline with Canada. Alice didn't see her leaving the country, but something could always happen, she could wind up chasing an animal over the border.

I honestly did not need to hunt, I had fed only a few days ago and I had much better control over my thirst these days then when Bella had first come into my life. A fresh wave of guilt washed through me immediately followed by a sensation of peace. Jasper looked over at me with a knowing expression and I nodded in thanks to him.

"How does it feel?" I asked Jasper after a couple of hours. We had stopped by a stream following the trail of a couple of elk.

"How does what feel?" Jasper responded from the other side, watching Alice as she chased and teased a couple squirrels around a tree.

"When you feel Bella's emotions…about me. How does it feel?"

Jasper was silent for a very long minute as he watched Alice, his true other half and the love of his existence. His eyes were so full of adoration as he just gazed upon her flitting here and there in her little adventure.

For a moment I tried to imagine Bella just playing happily, seeing the same smile cross her beautiful face. The smile she saved only for me when I did something that truly touched her heart. It lit up her entire face making it shine more so then the sun glittering off her skin ever could.

It was the smile she had given me only yesterday morning after we made love for the first time. Familiar warmth saturated my body, although not that familiar since the only one who had ever made me feel it was Bella. It was like a fire bursting forth in my veins, but not the painful one I was accustomed to feeling erupt in my throat.

No, this one was much more…enjoyable. I longed to feel this as often as I could.

"It's something like that." Jasper whispered as he continued to watch Alice. He glanced over at me with a knowing smirk. "It fills your entire being with something so pure and so strong you never want to feel any other way again. You know you've found your internal peace because you're with the person who feels the same way for you." He turned back to Alice just as she stopped in front of him, their eyes now saying to each other everything they felt.

I took off down the stream giving my brother and sister their privacy. I had picked up the familiar warm scent of mountain lion lurking nearby, and I never gave up the chance to take one down. It was my favorite, and I was more than willing to go out of my way to find some.

But I had done that once in the recent past, before I had changed Bella, and being so far away from her for the two days had wreaked havoc on my mind. I knew my fears were futile. She was safe and sound when I had returned. Alice was watching over her.

I was stalking my current pray when she and Jasper caught up to me. "No wonder you took off so quickly. I should have known." She giggled teasingly.

I threw her a sarcastic grin as I crept around where the animal was obviously hunting as well, considering how it moved slowly and lithely, observing its pray and considering the best angle from witch to strike. Alice flit to my left, stalking the cat's own prey, a giant male elk.

Jasper followed behind her protectively, his arms spread slightly as he remained in a half crouch, ready to pull Alice back if necessary, although he never would. She was one frightening little creature when she wanted to be.

With one quick leap taking no more than a split second, I locked my arms around the beast's neck and brought it down, my teeth already sinking into its flesh. Alice brought down her buck at the same time. I drained my kill as she and Jasper drained hers. It took us only a few moments before we finished, completely satiated for now.

"Do you want to head back?" Alice asked me as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"I think I want to run."

"Edward, you can't go after her. I told you that."

I stood to my full height, only a fraction shorter than Jasper, but I still towered over Alice. I gazed down at her disdainfully. She didn't shutter a bit, having already seen my reaction to her words. Jasper reached over and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Calm down," He said gently. "You have to believe Alice and just trust that Bella is coming back. If she decided not to, we would know before it happened."

I knew they were both right, as usual. But I never had to trust so unconditionally before, and it petrified me to not now exactly how things were going to turn out. There was never any assurance in Alice's visions. They were based on what people decided, and if those decisions changed, so did their futures.

"You can't just run from this, Edward," Alice spoke quietly. She had seen my choice to just leave them here in the forest and go back on my own. "You love Bella." It was a statement and not a question. "You have to be patient with her, and she with you. I know I've said this many, many times to you, brother, but you have yet to listen to me.

"You're trying to force this relationship in a direction it is not yet ready to go. It's good to help Bella believe that she is not as volatile as we would expect, but telling her that she is ready to face her family is not wise right now. She's still so fragile, and so is her mind. She's still coping with her new life, and throwing her old one into the mix is just going to drive her mad."

"And how do you think I feel right now?" I demanded turning on my sister. Jasper snarled quietly, one hand on Alice's arm ready to pull her back. "I won't hurt her, you know that."

Alice placed her hand on Jasper's and whispered to him quietly, "It's all right, relax." Jasper let her arm go slowly, however his eyes still burned into mine, watching every twitch I made.

"I know you're confused, Edward, so is Bella. She doesn't know where to call her true home, or whom to call her true family anymore. She's lost. She needs your guidance, and ours as well, but she needs you more than anyone else because you love her."

"Does she know that?"

Alice nodded. "Yes, Edward. Of course she does. She wants no one else. She's won't have anyone else. She'll be with you for however long forever is."

"How long is forever, Alice? And is it really worth living if you don't have the one thing you want?" Alice looked up at me in surprise. "I mean, I have Bella, I know that. But there's one thing with her that I want more than anything else."

*~*~*HG*~*~*

**BPOV**

I spent twelve whole hours with Carlisle and Esme before I asked them to return home. I reassured Esme that I would be fine on my own, I would come back later in the day. It was around midnight when they left me. I didn't resume hunting immediately after they left. Instead I just ran. I let my mind go completely, allowing it to become peaceful and almost quiet.

I stopped after I had traveled the same circle a dozen times, slumping down against a tree. I wasn't winded at all, but I breathed evenly simply because it was a human habit I had yet to kick. It was going to take me years, decades even, before I completely settled into this new life.

And I knew Edward was going to be there every step of the way beside me, guiding me and being the ever patient saint that he was with me. But at the same time, I hate him for what he's done. For what he's allowed me to believe. He thinks it's all right to keep tabs on my family when he knows I'm dying inside from not being able to see them.

And then he thinks its safe to let me near them. I knew it wasn't. Even the first time he allowed me try I knew deep inside it was not safe to be letting me within five miles of humans. Thank goodness the Cullens lived _outside_ of Forks.

With a grunt in frustration I threw my head back against the tree.

Edward is such an arrogant bastard. He gives me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and then, after everything he knows I've been through, and everything he knows I feel for him, he just rips it all out from under me. He didn't stop to think that maybe I liked it when he took me so harshly.

He didn't stop to think that maybe I enjoyed it. No, he just felt complete remorse because he wasn't acting as proper gentleman, because we shouldn't bed each other out of anger.

I know the saying "don't go to bed angry", but nowhere does it imply that you can't have angry sex.

When I challenged him I never expected him to actually reciprocate. I was merely trying to provoke a verbal response from him. But the physical one I received was so much better than any of his poetic cadences could have been.

Who was I kidding? I couldn't stay mad at him. But I could still be angry about him hurting me. I know he doesn't mean to, and I know he's only trying to help me. He's doing these things because he loves me. But why can't he just talk to me first instead of assuming control of the situation and not expect retaliation from me?

I finally opened my eyes again when I felt warmth on my face. Looking down at my hands in my lap I noticed they were sparkling lightly in the faint morning light as the sun began to rise. I had been sitting here for hours and never even realized it.

I'll admit it had been peaceful, I could get used to just sitting outside and letting my mind wander as I tried to piece my life back together. It was certainly a tempting idea.

I got up and brushed myself off. Alice would have a fit when she saw my clothes, but it wouldn't matter because she never allowed anyone to wear the same outfit twice. So these clothes going in the garbage wasn't really that much of a tragedy in the end.

I wasn't quite ready to head back yet, and being honest with myself, I was getting thirsty again. I decided to run until I was within a fifty-mile radius of the Cullen's house and set out to find what wildlife I could satiate the burn in my throat with.

I waited until the sun was high in the sky before I returned. I knew Edward was going to be home, it was too sunny a day for vampires to be in school. As I neared the house I knew he would be waiting for me, it was his nature. I expected one of two scenarios when I saw him. Either he would be furious with me for taking off again and endangering both his family and potentially myself or he would be groveling and beg me to forgive me.

The former was the most likely and I prepped myself for it, building up my internal confidence to stand up to him and defend myself. Nothing had happened to me while I was gone. I had been a good little newborn vampire and behaved myself as I hunted and brooded. Wasn't that what we were supposed to do?

As I exited the woods I noticed the figure standing on the opposite side of the stream, arms crossed over his chest and his striking auburn hair blowing gently in the breeze as the sun glittered off of his skin.

I slowed to a walk pace until I got to the stream and leapt over it cleanly landing in front of him. For a long moment Edward just stared at me, our eyes locked in a death glare as we both decided what was to be said upon this tense reunion.

Finally his arms dropped and he stepped forward cupping my face in his hands as he pressed his mouth against mine in a tender kiss. My body reacted in its typical way to him. My hands dove into his hair holding him to me as one of his arms wrapped around my waist preventing me from escaping.

"I'm so glad you came back." He whispered when we finally parted, holding me close to him.

"That's a good thing." I whispered back. "Although you should know there was never a chance of me leaving."

He pulled back with a small smile pulling up the corner of his mouth. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "As Alice assured me, but you know I'd never believe her until you were back here in my arms."

Damn him. Why did he always know just what to say to make my heart melt?

"You can say whatever you want to get me to be compliant, Edward, but that doesn't excuse what you've done."

Edward took a step back, his hands coming up to my shoulders. "I know that, Bella, and you don't know how that's tormented me. And I know eventually that if I don't start thinking before I act, you are going to take off one day and never come back."

I shook my head at him and grabbed his hand leading him over to a small outcropping of rocks that overlooked a wider part of the stream. I sat down beside him and held his hands out in front of mine.

"Edward, why can't you get this through your head? I. Will. Never. Leave. You." I reached up and stroked his face, "I love you."

He hung his head for a moment, and I assumed the thought 'I don't deserve her love' was going through his mind. But he looked back up at me after a moment, a wide, triumphant smile lighting up his face.

"Do you know how wonderful that feels to hear you say that?"

"I know how it feels to finally say it to you."

"I love you, too, Bella. I'll never love any other as much as I love you. I'll admit in the beginning when Alice saw that I would fall in love you, I fought it as hard as I could. But in the end I still fell in love with you."

"I was fascinated with you from the first moment I heard your voice. And it didn't take very long for me to fall in love with you. You were too much of an anomaly for me to not want to get involved. I just didn't expect it to turn to love."

Edward reached out laying his hand flat against my heart. "You can't bet against Alice."

"Yeah, I learned that the hard way." I laughed. A silence fell between us as we just played with and traced each other's hands. I was waiting for Edward to say something next. I didn't want to be the one to break the ice this time. I knew he had something he wanted to get off his chest, and he had to be the one to bring it up. I refused to force his hand and have him possibly shut down.

"I am so sorry, Bella."

I let out a relieved sigh. Finally.

"I know there is nothing I can possibly do to make up to you everything I have I done, but I want to try. I promise to stop acting so irrationally around you. I want you to be able to have everything in your life that you deserve, including your family."

"Edward…" I started to interrupt, but he held a hand up to stop me and allow him to finish.

"It's going to take time, you know that. But if you believe you're ready we'll go back. If not, I won't try and force the issue with you, and I won't go back either because it is entirely unfair to you and I understand that now."

He stopped and looked around for a moment, his mind completely lost in thought as he went over the obvious speech he had been preparing.

"I want to try though," he started quietly, "I want to prove to you how much you truly mean to me. I hate myself for what I have done to question your faith in me and in yourself. You should not have to feel that way."

"Edward," I let out a long sigh as I quickly strung together my response. "I am not going to lie to you and say I forgive you and that I am not hurt, because I am, and because I don't forgive you. So many times in the past few days I've told you how I feel about this situation and you never listened, you just kept jumping forward."

"I won't do that again, I swear to you, Bella. Will you please let me try?"

I dropped his hands and stood up turning to face away from him as I contemplated an answer. I already knew what it was, but was I entirely sure?

I heard Edward get up and half a second later his arms were around me holding me back against his chest. "I love you, Bella. Please believe that, and please believe I am going to do everything I can to never hurt you again. It is my mission to never make that mistake ever again."

I laughed a little to myself. I knew he was being entirely sincere and I wasn't laughing at him. But he made it all sound so tactful. I turned in his arms so I could look up at him. "Just think, Edward. That's all I've ever asked you to do."

He cupped my face again as he had done before and kissed me. "I promise, my Bella."

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	18. New Trouble

**A/N: Chapter 17, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

"You replaced it?" Bella inquired, quirking one eyebrow as she looked over the brand new silver Ducati sitting in the garage next to my Volvo.

"Alice did," I explained once I heard the soft undertone of incredulity in her voice. "In case that's what upsetting you." I added, my voice barely above a whisper, and I knew Bella could hear it.

"No, it doesn't upset me." She stated convincingly as she ran her hand along the handlebars. She then surprised me by swinging one leg up and over and straddling the bike. I'll admit she really appeared to know what she was doing, and looked like she fucking belonged on my bike as she twisted the throttle and put her feet up and back against the foot rests.

I took a step closer watching her as she gazed over the features of the bike. It struck me then that maybe when she had stolen the last one she had simply just hopped on, started the engine and took off without really looking the bike over. Perhaps this was the first time she was really appreciating the beauty of this machine.

"I just thought that you would replace the bike on your own," she sighed, her eyes downcast toward the meters on the dashboard.

"I didn't want to upset you farther than I already had, and I assumed if I replaced the bike myself you would think I was just blowing off what happened."

Bella nodded, agreeing with me. "I didn't ask Alice to replace it for me, she did it on her own. She knows-"

"How passionate you are about this bike, I know." Bella finished for me. "I can see why. I mean…" She sighed trailing off and I watched her move her hips forward and back subtly. "It rides like nothing else. It was the biggest rush I've ever experienced, next to being thrown off the bike, and then having you fuck me against a tree." Bella chuckled at the end and looked up at me from under her lashes.

I didn't respond, just stood and continued to watch her. "I'm sorry," she muttered, and climbed off the bike. "I shouldn't have taken it, and I shouldn't have wrecked it."

"I understand why you did it, though, Bella. I understand your reason behind it, even if I don't approve of it."

Bella chuckled and smiled at me again, this time a little more embarrassed and she pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. If she had still been human I knew a deep blush would be painting her cheeks right now, God how I missed that.

I walked over to her taking both of her hands in mine. "I never meant to hurt you, you know that right?"

"I do, Edward, and I overreacted. I know you were just trying to help me, but I just got so caught up in my own pain." Bella hung her head in apparent shame. I tucked a finger underneath her chin raising it back up.

"I know this is not easy for you, and I'm not going to act like it should be. Honestly, the best advice I can give you is just take this one day at a time."

"I'm trying…"

I gazed down into her eyes, dulling now from the red to a soft orange, and cupped her face in my hands bringing it up to mine so I could press my lips against hers. "I know," I whispered. "Just give this time, Bella."

She shut her eyes and breathed deeply, a human habit she had yet to let go of. I dropped my hands back down to take hers and leaned forward pressing my forehead against hers taking in her fragrance.

"I want to show you something." I whispered, and pulled back from her. "I want to take you somewhere."

Bella looked up at me with one eyebrow raised on question. "More trees?"

"No, something better."

She glanced quickly to my bike and back to me, a motion a human would never be able to see it happened so quickly but as a vampire I saw it clearly, and nodded in confirmation.

"What do you say, do you want to go for a ride with me?"

Two minutes later we were whipping down the driveway, me in the front of my bike and Bella sitting behind me with her arms tight around my torso and her breasts pressed firmly to my back. I could feel her lips on the back of my neck and her hand as it stroked up and down my abdomen.

It was difficult to pay attention to the road when she was touching me like this, but I knew exactly where I was going and if I so desired I could glance over my shoulder at her and the bike wouldn't swerve one inch from its current path.

I opted to take a different route to the highway instead of cutting through Forks, just to avoid potential drama, and once we reached it Bella grew a little braver in her ministrations. Her hand slipped between my thighs where I straddled the bike and she pressed her hand to the front of my jeans effectively cupping my straining erection through the denim.

"Excited are we?" she breathed in my ear, her cool moist breath gently stirring my hair.

"Just a bit," I half spoke, half moaned. Her hand then grew even bolder, pulling the zipper down and unbuttoning the waist before slipping inside and cupping me through my boxers. "Holy shit, Bella." The bike practically lurched to the left, but I kept it under control.

Once the highway ended I pulled off at a little dirt rode and cut the engine. Bella had zipped me back up by then, after keeping her hand on my cock for a solid five minutes, and the combined constraints of the denim and cotton of my shorts was driving me wild with desire, and insane with the restriction.

"Follow me," I breathed, and walked off toward the trees. Once we were safely out of sight of the highway I took off at a run and heard Bella behind me a quarter of a second later. She laughed high and free, the bell-like sound reverberating in the foliage above us.

I stopped after we had gone five miles through the brush, pausing at a thinning in the trees, Bella coming to a stop by my side and beaming broadly from the run. I knew it was her favorite way to travel, and I found joy in that she had found something in this transformation that made her happy.

"Through there," I pointed to break in the trees. Bella walked forward for twenty feet or so and stepped through a natural archway in the trees. I heard her gasp before I reached her and stood by her side reaching down to take her hand in mine. "Beautiful isn't it? This is where I come to think."

"It's breathtaking, Edward." Bella whispered as she looked around at the meadow I had led her to. Since it was now early spring wildflowers ranging in color from white, to yellow, to purple dotted the area along with the brilliant emerald green of the grass. Bella shut her eyes and I knew she was listening to the bubbling of the stream in the distance.

"Do you like it?"

"Yes, thank you for bringing me here."

I squeezed her hand and looked down at her meeting her eyes as she turned her head up towards me. "You're welcome," I smiled. Bella stood up on her toes then, turning to face me completely and reached up taking my face in her hands and kissed me fully.

I moaned almost immediately from the feel of her against me and started to guide her out into the meadow. We shed each other's clothes along the way, falling to the grass together, our mouths never parting. Bella sighed beneath me as I pushed her mouth open and slid my tongue against hers.

She practically bucked into my hand as I cupped her between her legs. Thrusting her fingers into my hair, she pulled me closer and at the same time lunged upwards so that she pushed us into a sitting position. I held her waist as she settled into my lap wrapping her legs around me, poising above me slightly, ready for me to bring her down and slide into her.

"I want to try something new," she breathed just as I was about to lower her. The head of my cock sat just inside her entrance now, right there.

"Anything, love,"

"The way you bit me a couple weeks ago…it was just so…liberating. I want you to do it again while you make love to me, but I want to bite you, too."

Just imagining the feel of Bella's teeth sinking into my flesh sent a shiver of arousal down my spine and I groaned. I nodded my agreement and lowered her the rest of the way onto my aching length. Bella threw her head as I filled her completely, her voice cracking slightly from the roughness of her moan.

When she bent back her mouth immediately latched onto my neck and I felt the pierce of her teeth breaking my skin. I couldn't help the animalistic roar that escaped my lips. The sensation was so exquisite, feeling Bella drink from me. I sighed low as I wrapped my arms around her pulling her closer. She wasn't harsh. She wasn't trying to drain me. It was gentle and tender.

I bowed my head toward her and bit into the skin where her neck met her shoulder. Blood immediately rushed into my mouth, but I didn't have the same urge to suck it all out. I relished the flow of it over my tongue, the sweetness of its taste, and the cooling effect it had on the burn in my throat.

We sat there, hands stroking skin and hair, mouths latched to each other's necks. Our bodies were wrapped completely around each other, arms around necks and legs around waists. I didn't know where I ended and Bella began.

I don't know how long we sat there, drinking slowly from each other. Relishing in the erotic feel of it, and trading deep kisses back and forth along with soft touches and the occasional rock of hips. I just wanted to be with Bella like this forever.

A soft growl poured out of my throat as she nipped at my neck again, reopening the wound. I bowed my mouth to her neck and gingerly took in the trickle of blood the seeped from the puncture. My eyes lifted from gazing down the line of Bella's spine and into the forest over her shoulder.

I felt them widen in shock when I saw the pair of black eyes staring back at me through the trees. I quickly pulled back from Bella as a hiss escaped my lips. She released my neck as well lathing her tongue over the wound to help it seal, and I quickly did the same. As soon as I did so the pair of eyes watching us sprang from the trees.

In a flash of movements that would have been blind to a human I pulled away from Bella and quickly threw my clothes on. I crouched down in front of Bella in a defensive pose and snarled deeply at the enormous russet wolf now standing before me snapping its threatening jaws at my face.

"You have no business here, dog." I hissed at it. "She's not a human."

The wolf stopped, as it was about to raise a paw, and stared at me. I could hear Bella behind me throwing her clothes back on, her breathing heightened significantly. I had never mentioned this to her, thinking it would never happen and she would never have to know.

"I've done nothing to break the treaty. You know it states specifically if we bite a human, not another vampire." The wolf stared at me sharply, shocked to know that I could hear its thoughts, that I was responding to the questions in its mind.

"What are you talking about, Edward?" Bella demanded in a hushed voice too low for the wolf to hear.

"I'll explain, I promise, but let me handle this." I turned back to the wolf that was watching Bella intently over my shoulder. "Yes, she's another vampire." I sneered at it, answering yet another thought. "No, not one you've seen before, but she is a member of our coven now." I could tell from the glare I was now receiving that this wolf had no inkling of the extra "gifts" that my kind possessed, and he certainly did not like the fact that I could read his mind.

"Edward, is…it talking to you?"

"Yes, in his own way. He's not too pleased with it. Now shush, Bella."

The wolf in front of us howled lightly, staring intently at Bella once more, and then turned and disappeared into the woods. I noticed at the last second the bit of fabric tied to its hind leg before it was gone.

I turned back to Bella and took her shoulders in my hands. "I'm sorry I never told you about this, I never thought there would be a reason for it."

"What _was_ that, Edward?" Bella demanded gesturing toward the trees. Her eyes widened suddenly and she gasped. I turned around to see a young man from the La Push Reservation walking toward us. His nose crinkled more and more in disgust the closer he got to us. I wouldn't assume his age to be any older than seventeen, although his height was certainly misleading. He stood a full head taller than me, but it wasn't very intimidating.

"Jacob," Bella gasped in incredulous disbelief. She looked the young man up and down. He was barefoot, naked except for the shorts he wore cut off at the knee, and his black hair cut short, the length stopping at his chin.

I whipped back around to Bella staring her down. "You know him," I sneered.

"Yes, and don't give me attitude." Bella pushed me out of the way and started to walk toward 'Jacob'. I grabbed her arm pulling her back as the young boy suddenly snarled at her and jumped back about twenty feet.

"He's a werewolf, Bella, and he hates vampires." I whispered in her ear. Bella just continued to stare across the space between her and the Quileute.

"What have you done to her?" Jacob demanded of me from across the meadow.

"She was dying! I had no choice."

"You've destroyed her!" Jacob roared, and he started charging across the meadow, his entire form quivering with anger. I quickly pulled Bella out of the way throwing her to the ground along with myself just as Jacob flew past us, lunging as his body exploded into that of the huge russet wolf from before.

Bella screamed and got up running through the trees. I followed suit praying we were putting distance between that man and us as we whipped through the trees and foliage. Bella wasn't heading back toward the bike. She was running back to the house. I grabbed her hand midstride and picked her up throwing her across my back carrying her for the rest of the distance. She may still be stronger than me for the time being, but I'm still faster.

Her entire body was shaking from the shock of our experience as I settled her down once we arrived home. Carlisle came running down the stairs as soon as we were through the door, Alice and Esme right on his heels.

"What happened? I saw you two at the meadow, and then you just disappeared."

"You couldn't see the wolf?" I demanded. Carlisle crouched over Bella, who was still trembling slightly, although it had calmed a little. He checked her eyes only, seeing as there was no heartbeat or pulse any longer.

"Wolf?" He looked up at me in shock. "You saw one of them?"

"It attacked us." I explained.

"All this time, I never knew…" Bella whispered, finally coming out of her trance. Esme and Carlisle helped her to sit up while Alice took a position behind the couch holding on to Bella's shoulders.

"Never knew what, Bella?" Carlisle asked her.

"He was my friend. We…we sort of grew up together."

"The wolf?"

I nodded. "Yes, they addressed each other by name." I looked up quickly at Alice. "You really couldn't see him?"

"No, you both disappeared from my sight. It frightened me beyond belief, Edward. I thought it meant that you two were…were gone. Jasper and Emmett-"

I held up one hand to stop her. "I'm glad they didn't, don't worry, Alice."

"I didn't once I saw you two heading back, and that you were safe."

I dropped down to the couch beside Bella wrapping an arm around her shoulders pulling her to me and tucking her head into the crook of my neck. Carlisle was holding one of her hands between both of his. Nobody spoke another word as Bella buried her face in my chest and began shaking with loud, tearless sobs.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

"Why didn't you ever tell me about them?" Bella asked some time later. We were sitting outside in the cool breeze watching the lines of color fade from red to orange to purple. She looked up at me waiting for an answer.

"Because I never expected something like this to happen. The wolves, I mean. We haven't had any trouble with them since the last time we were here and ran into them, back when Carlisle made the treaty with their chief."

"Is that the treaty you were taking about with Jacob?"

I flinched when she spoke his name, feeling anger bubble up inside me from the familiarity that boy had with my Bella. "Yes," I answered simply. "Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, and I were all hunting near our home in Hoquiam, and we hadn't realized that we had crossed onto Quileute territory.

"Carlisle diffused the battle before it even began. He reassured the Quileutes that we were no harm to them, or to any humans. That we lived differently from the monsters they had encountered generations earlier. Carlisle and the chief, who just happened to be…_his_…great-grandfather,"

"You mean Jacob?" Bella asked surprised, interrupting me briefly.

I nodded, "Yes, he and Carlisle struck up a treaty saying, well basically, that we have our territory and they have theirs. We do not hunt on their territory, and they can not cross over onto ours. And also that we are to never bite a human, or the treaty is void, and we'll have a war on our hands."

Bella's hands immediately came up to her mouth in shock as the realization sunk in and I watched her shudder. I wrapped an arm around her holding her close. "Don't worry, Carlisle and I have already discussed possible scenarios. We can't just walk to the treaty line and expect them to accept the circumstances surrounding you. I'm sure Jacob wants to bite my head off, literally."

Bella grabbed my hand tightly in both of hers. "I won't let him hurt you, Edward. He may be my friend, but I love _you_."

I pressed a firm kiss to her forehead, gratifying passion coursing through my veins at her words. I actually felt warm for an instant.

"What exactly have you and Carlisle discussed?"

"Well, for one thing, he, Alice and I had a thorough discussion as to why she can't see the wolves. Why her vision suddenly disappears when they get involved. So knowing that will make it difficult to plan strategies around them. It bothers Alice to no end, trust me. She doesn't like "not knowing"."

Bella played with my hand now, her fingers interlocking and unlocking periodically, sometimes tracing random patterns on my palm. "What else?"

"We want to talk with the pack's alpha. Try and have him understand why I bit you in the first place. See if maybe the fact that I saved you, although to them it's not really saving, can count for anything."

"That's what Jacob meant by, "You've destroyed her","

"Yes, he's not happy about that. He still sees you as his best friend, but now you are also his mortal enemy, and that kills him inside."

Bella let out a short laugh. "Funny, if I hadn't gotten lost that night this never would have happened."

I felt my eyebrow raise in question. "What are you talking about?"

"The night I ran away from home, back in January…well, I was actually trying to find my way to La Push, to stay with Jacob and his father. I never told him I was planning on running away, I was just going to show up and knock on his bedroom window…have him let me in…help me lay low for a few days. I thought maybe he could help set me up in one of the abandoned houses on the reservation.

"I trust Jacob implicitly. I knew he would have kept my running away a secret, that's why I wanted to go to him. But I took a wrong turn somewhere and I got lost in the woods. What should have taken me maybe two hours to hike to La Push turned into a three-day trek through the wilderness. I've never been the best navigator, and I know I never should have run away at night, especially in the dead of winter after just recovering from a cold…but I just couldn't stay in my home anymore. I was sick of the fighting going on between my parents, the drama from my sister…I just needed to get away.

"And running away wasn't the smartest, or the best idea. I understand that now…but I don't regret doing it. It was a decision that brought me to you, Edward. And I wouldn't trade that for the world. I know I made selfish choices in the past few months, and I know I've been acting like a bratty child who doesn't like to not get her way…and I've pushed you away more times than I care to count. And I'm deeply sorry for that. I've acted stupid and impulsively. I never should have run away from here. I should have learned from the first time that trying to trek through the woods on my own was moronic. But I'm a stubborn person and I like to learn things the hard way."

Bella let out a loud sigh as she paused in her speech. I, however, was left completely dumbfounded by it. Never had she admitted so much to me before about when she ran away, the true reasons behind it…and the fact that she never intended to find us. She had been trying to get to someone else…

_Jacob_.

But she had found _me_. She had hurt _me_. _I_ was the center of her world now, not him. And she was the center of mine. Every turn she took had led her to me.

I sat there in silence imagining what it would have been like if Bella had found her way to La Push that night. If Jacob had taken her in, provided a home for her…kept her secret. Over time they may have even fallen in love, and of course Bella being as perceptive as she is would have one day found out about the wolves anyway. But by then maybe she would have been too in love with Jacob to care and except it like she had with me.

I could feel my fists clenching and suddenly the boulder Bella and I were sitting on had chunks ripped from it close to the size of my hand. Bella's hands flashed out grabbing my wrists and my hands immediately loosened under her touch, gray dust falling from then into two separate piles.

"Edward, what's wrong?" She asked frantically.

"I'm sorry," I gazed up at her trying to shake off the vestiges of my thoughts. "Just thinking."

"You looked like you wanted to kill someone. You were thinking about Jacob, weren't you?"

"Was it that obvious?"

"Edward, I can tell you if I knew about another woman who had been involved in your life, even as a friend, I would be jealous, too."

I laughed curtly. "I really don't deserve you."

Bella sighed, clearly frustrated. "Don't start with that again."

I held my hands up in defense. "I didn't mean it like that. I meant…I can't believe…uh…"

"Just spit it out, Edward." Bella laughed, brushing some hair off my forehead.

"I mean I just can't believe you're so much like me. That you're just so tolerant…I guess that's what I'm looking for."

"Am I making you all befuddled?" Bella teased, leaning back on her arms.

I chose not to respond. Bella lifted herself up and reached out wrapping one hand around my head and buried her fingers in my hair as she drew me down to her. I allowed her to pull my body down onto hers, relenting even further so as she kissed me, both hands now twisting in my hair making it wild.

"You always make me befuddled." I whispered to her when we finally parted.

"You're not tolerant…just so you know. You're barely tolerant. I don't think I've ever met a man with a shorter temper and more possessive and jealous tendencies."

I pouted at her. "Am I really that unbearable?"

"Not at all, I think it levels out all of the crap you have to deal with from me pretty well."

"I do certainly put up with a lot from you. I should get a medal."

Bella laughed high and loud and pushed against me rolling us over so I was now on my back and she was straddling me, bending over so her fair fell around us. My hands grasped her waist keeping her close. Our mouths were only a few inches apart and it would be only so easy to close the space between us and kiss her again.

But we had fallen into a quiet moment where it was all about proximity. I just wanted her close where I could stare into her eyes and see every emotion she was feeling in her heart. As my hands started to ghost up and down her sides I realized just how tiny she was compared to me. I would probably never get over how small she was, despite the power and strength she had right now.

Bella leaned down until there was almost no space left between our mouths, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. I let my hands slip down to grasp her thighs and squeezed gently before moving them up to her back and pushed down. I sighed as soon as her lips touched mine, giving her access to deepen the kiss further.

It was a tender, gentle kiss, but we left no passion out of it. Bella made it clear how and exactly what she was feeling. She hummed lightly as her hands fisted the hem of my shirt, tugging it up until she could get underneath and press her palms to my chest.

I realized she was now trying to finish what we had started earlier. I refused to take her back to the meadow, no matter how peaceful it was, and how much it would have helped her relax. It was just too dangerous now.

I wanted nothing more than to keep going with Bella, but not out here, not like this. I pulled back from me sweet mouth brushing some hair behind her ear that had fallen into her eyes. "You want to take this inside? Since it is getting dark and all?"

"Since when has the dark ever stopped you?"

"I would like to be able to see your face fully, in real light and not fading light."

Bella chewed absentmindedly on her lower lip as she thought over my request. And in less than a second her mouth was back against mine for a brief kiss before we were getting up and racing each other back to the house.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	19. Waiting

**A/N: Chapter 18, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

As soon as Edward suggested we head back to the house I grabbed his hand and led him down from our perch before racing him inside and upstairs to his bedroom. I knew my room was closer, but lately I had been entertaining the idea of "our room" and I liked his better. His bed was bigger, number one, and he had the entire third floor to himself, more importantly.

Once behind his locked door we shed each other's clothes quickly, falling back to the bed together. Edward wrapped me up in his arms where he knew I felt the safest, joining our bodies effortlessly. We rocked back and forth for what felt like forever, trading kisses and touches. We worked each other toward a slow, powerful release that exploded between us like fire. I clawed at the skin of his back as my thighs squeezed around his hips. I couldn't bear the burn in my skin. It flashed like lightning across my nerves and made my toes go numb.

Afterward we lay there on our sides facing each other, our bodies still connected. I traced absentminded lines across Edward's face. I wasn't trying to memorize his features, I had no need to. We had forever with each.

Well, if the wolves didn't finish us all off first.

I shuddered thinking about it, and did my best to ignore the tingle it caused where my body was joined with Edward's. He caught it the shudder, however, his face instantly tensing and creasing with concern.

"What's wrong? Are you thinking about this afternoon?"

"Yeah," I snuggled a little closer, just so I could feel all of him at once, to know that he was there. "I'm worried, ok I'm scared shitless. What's going to happen?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't, Bella, we've never had to deal with this before. Carlisle wants to try and talk to the pack alpha, to explain everything that happened. But I doubt they're going to listen because the treaty is broken the moment we bite another human. It doesn't matter why."

"But you were saving me."

"It's not saving to them. Even though I wasn't biting you out of thirst, I still bit you, and that's enough to break the treaty and instigate a full on war."

"Edward, we need to do something."

"I know," he sighed, and rolled over finally disengaging our bodies. I missed the warmth of him immediately and got up following him out of the bed towards the bathroom.

"I can't lose you." I whispered, wrapping my arms around his naked body from behind. We stood at the sink in the bathroom, staring at each other in the mirror.

"You won't. There won't be a war, Bella. We'll find a way around this. If they don't attack us…maybe we'll be able to talk to them, but I don't even know how to approach them without putting any of my family, including you, in danger."

"And what about you? You're the one they'd kill. _You_ bit _me_." I squeezed him a little tighter. "Not that I would even let them get close."

Edward spun around immediately, grabbing my shoulders and held me out at arm's length. "Are you saying you would put yourself in the middle, Bella? I do _not_ want you doing that! I could never live with myself if you got hurt and I did nothing to prevent it. Let alone even think about facing this existence without you." His voice rose at first but softened toward the end, to almost a whisper.

"And you think I'll just stand there and let them destroy you. I can only imagine that damage they could cause you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself either, Edward, if they killed you. I would find a way to follow you as soon as I could. Even if it meant willingly allowing them to destroy me as well."

Edward groaned in frustration and walked back out into the bedroom where he yanked his clothes back on. "We need to stop talking about this, Bella. I can't take it. I'm going to go talk to Carlisle."

"I'm coming with you. You're not leaving me out of this because you think I won't act rationally." I dressed faster than him and grabbed his hand leading him from the room, downstairs.

The rest of his family was already assembled in the living room, all apparently having been discussing exactly what Edward and I had been upstairs. Alice glanced at us with a knowing expression and made room for us on the couch.

"You can't see anything that may happen, can you, Alice?" I asked tentatively.

But Alice nodded sadly, although she appeared completely frustrated. "I can't see anything involving the wolves. All I see is our family, and that means the wolves have not entered into the picture yet. Everything just disappears as soon as they get involved."

"And we still have not been able to explain why that happens?" Edward asked looking right at his father.

Carlisle was looking at the floor as he spoke, his hands folded in front of him. "Either they know about Alice's ability, which I don't know how they would have found out, and they are playing with the holes in her vision. Or they simply cannot be seen for some other reason. And that's the one that worries me more, because that means we have no chance to predict what they are going to do."

"So what are our options?" Emmett asked from across the room. Rosalie was clutching to his arm like she was afraid that he would run to fight the wolves at any moment and she was trying to hold him back.

"We can wait, see what the wolves do. Or we can attempt being preemptive and talk to them, see if they will listen."

"You know they won't." Edward said darkly beside me, like he didn't believe it would work.

"What else do you suggest we do, Edward?" Carlisle asked sternly, "We can't wait around forever. They may think that we're assuming we can get away with breaking the treaty if we make no other move, pretend to ignore what we've done, and then they _will_ attack us."

For once Edward had no response. I reached over and took his hand for a moment and squeezed it before I stood up. "I have an idea," I stated hesitantly. I knew Edward was absolutely not going to go for this, but I had to try.

"I know the boy who attempted to attack Edward and I today. I sort of grew up with him. What if…what if I tried to talk with him alone?"

"No!" Edward shouted, getting to his feet. "Absolutely not, Bella! Do you know have any idea how volatile the younger wolves are? They have no control over their emotions, they'll phase from the slightest rise in anger. He could take one look at you and…" Edward didn't finish.

"Look, I know Jacob. I know he would never hurt me. It's just not in him to do it. No matter what I am. He was always like a younger brother to me, and my best friend when we were kids."

"Edward, I think Bella has a good point. If there is even the slightest chance that one of them will listen without attacking, we should at least try. It would be foolish not to." Carlisle eyed his son, who was still standing his fists clenched at his sides, and then looked to me. "What would you do, Bella?" he asked me sincerely.

"I think I should go back to the meadow where Jacob saw us, maybe they'll be searching that area, thinking we may come back. If Jacob is there, along with whatever members of his pack, I honestly do not think he would let them attack me. I could try and talk to him without making him angry. He seemed to be able to restrain his emotion well earlier today until Edward started to explain what had happened…"

"Yes, and when you get to that point, what do you think he's going to do, Bella?" Edward interrupted.

"I already said I know Jacob would never hurt me. We're practically family!"

"That means nothing to them! They only exist to hunt and kill us. Jacob is not even the alpha. And what the alpha wolf commands must be done no matter what. None of them have a choice. If he demanded for Jacob to kill you, Jacob would have to obey."

"How do you know?" Carlisle asked, obviously curious.

"I heard a lot of things rolling around in Jacob's mind. Not all of the thoughts were his and it made me realize that the wolves must have some kind of telepathic connection between them. I also picked up on his own thoughts and feelings about the alpha."

"And what about me?" I asked defiantly. "Was he thinking anything murderous about me?"

Edward was silent for a moment, giving me a strained look, before he spoke. "No, there was nothing like that. He only wanted to destroy me, and he wanted to do it without hurting you."

"See!" I exclaimed. "Let me try and talk to him. If it makes you feel better, you can come with me. All of you," I turned and addressed the rest of Edward's family.

Emmet looked excited, Rosalie murderous, Alice apprehensive, Jasper indecisive, Esme concerned, Carlisle fascinated, and Edward furious. "I don't want to put anyone in danger, and I would request that I do this alone, but I know none of you will let me."

"Damn right," Edward muttered.

"But Carlisle is right, Edward, we would be foolish to not even try if we can prevent this war from happening before it even starts."

Edward glanced around at the rest of his family, reading everyone's face as well as their minds. He grimaced as his eyes landed on Rosalie. I could only imagine she was thinking something along the lines of possibly just feeding me to the wolves and seeing what happened after that.

"Edward, we have to at least try." I said again. I slipped my hand into his and squeezed it gently.

He didn't say anything. He just dropped my hand and stormed out of the living room. I was surprised the back door didn't crack considering the force he slammed it with. I stood there frozen, unable to decide if I should go after him or remain with his family.

"He's only angry because he knows you're right and he has to come to terms with it. He's not mad at you, Bells." Emmett explained a little while later.

We had migrated into the dining room. Esme was drawing on a sketchpad, probably a new design for the house somewhere. Carlisle was upstairs in his study trying to find anything he could on the legends of the Quileute wolves. Rosalie, Jasper and Alice were playing a card game at the other end of the table leaving Emmett and I alone as we talked.

"Sure seems like he's mad at me." I leaned my face on my palm and looked up at Emmett. "He's being completely unreasonable."

"Yeah, he is. But that's Edward. He doesn't like when he's faced with the 'no other option' situation. And ever since you came into our lives, he's been faced with that a lot. Don't take that in a bad way, I didn't mean it to be insulting." Emmett held up one hand the moment I felt the unmistakable urge to cry. But I swallowed the guilt and gave him a brave face.

"Seems like I just can't do anything right,"

"You can do plenty of things right, Bella. Edward is just being a stubborn asshole. And unfortunately he's really good at it. He doesn't like it when he doesn't have options. It's just a flaw, and he's got to get over it. What I meant before is that you coming into his life is the catalyst that will help him in that area. Sorry,"

"It's ok, Emmett, I sort of figured out what you meant." I patted his hand and heard Rosalie hiss at the corner of the table. Emmett just threw her a look and she returned her attention to the card game.

Just then we all looked up a moment before the back door slid open, and then Edward was standing in the dining room doorway. "Can I talk to you, please?" he asked me politely. His face was completely emotionless, but I knew what he wanted to talk about.

"Let's go outside." I said as I got up, not that it would matter, everyone would still be able to hear us but at least we would have some semblance of privacy.

"I'm sorry I stormed out. It wasn't you."

"I know, Emmett was explaining the mystique that is the mood swings of Edward Cullen."

He attempted a smile, but it wasn't much. "Look, you have point. But just because I agree with you doesn't I'm going to let you do this alone. I'm coming with you."

"I'm glad you see my side." I took a step closer to him and reached out laying my hand on his chest. "I know Jacob won't hurt me, Edward." I said, my voice lower now. "And you have to trust me, ok?"

Edward grimaced but he didn't say anything so I knew he was at least _trying_ to believe what I was saying.

"When do you think we should do this?" I asked him next.

"We should go talk to Carlisle about that."

"I love you," I reminded him, and stood up on my toes to kiss him chastely. Edward returned it, his arms suddenly wrapping around my body in a vice grip. He forced his tongue into my mouth and started to stroke it against mine until I returned the motion.

"I love you, too, Bella." He whispered when we finally parted. He cradled my head to his chest just holding me. I don't know how long we remained outside, but everyone was still gathered in the dining room when we returned. The only difference was that Emmett had joined the card game and Carlisle was now sitting at the table as well.

Edward sat down beside me, wasting no time in jumping into questions. "When should try this?" he asked.

"I think we should wait another twenty-four hours before any attempt to return to the meadow." Carlisle answered almost immediately, as if he had been waiting for Edward to ask him.

"And then what?" Edward asked next.

"We do as Bella suggests. See if the wolves, or even just Jacob is there, and have her try and talk to him. We'll all be there, Edward, we've already decided that."

Edward nodded. So we had another twenty-four hours of waiting ahead of us. "And in the mean time, what if they come here first?" I asked. "I mean, I don't exactly understand the treaty, but you said something before about how 'they have their land, you have yours'."

"Technically now that the treaty has been broken, in their eyes," Carlisle clarified, "they are able to come on our land and attack us at their will. Because they have not done so yet leads me to believe that maybe Jacob has spoken with the pack and is possibly even waiting to see if you, Bella, will return just to talk to you. Perhaps if you explain to him the circumstances, and I believe you will have to explain _all_ of the circumstances, then maybe he can convince his pack not to attack."

"By "all circumstances" you mean I have to tell him I ran away from home and all of that."

"You don't have to explain your personal reasons behind it, but yes you will have to tell him you ran away."

"He'll want to know why." I muttered to myself. "I suppose I'll have to tell him everything."

"It would probably be best." Carlisle smiled at me sympathetically.

"So I guess right now we wait?"

"Right now we wait," Carlisle repeated, a note of finality in his voice.

I hated waiting.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	20. Wolves vs Vampires

**A/N: Chapter 19, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

The next twenty-four hours were the longest of my existence.

And nothing happened.

We all meandered around the house, except for Carlisle, who returned to the hospital hoping to spot anyone from the reservation, but no one ever came in. Not that we had been expecting it.

Rosalie and Emmett disappeared to go hunting, Emmett more so just to see if they could pick up any scents from the pack. They came back with nothing. Bella encouraged me to go to school with Alice, to take my mind off of everything. But she knew I would be going crazy with worry, and that idea died the minute she suggested it.

Alice stayed at the house, too, only to be near Jasper. He kept a constant stream of calm issuing over everyone when he felt things get tense. He was having a field day with Bella. She couldn't go an hour without freaking out. She didn't want to go hunting, and she didn't want to leave the house. She didn't even let me try and comfort her.

But nothing ever happened. And we all had to finally face what we had waited twenty-four hours for. It was time to take Bella to the meadow.

We left early in the afternoon, not wanting to have to come across the wolves in the dark, no that the dark would have impeded us. But because Alice had no way of seeing what the wolves may do, we didn't want to be caught at the last moment with only smell as our warning.

Thankfully the meadow was almost neutral ground. It was on the edge of our territory and completely out of the wolves', so we had no fear of accidentally crossing over the boundary line. Bella was shaking in my arms as we approached, petrified by what could happen today. We had no way of knowing if the wolves were going to come, or if they were going to consider this our beginning to the war.

We remained on the outer edge of the meadow, waiting. Never knowing what was gong to happen. I kept my mind as open as possible to try and pick up on any thoughts from the pack, but I heard nothing. Either they were too far away or they were not going to come here.

"Wait," I looked off to the west when I finally picked up on Jacob's thoughts. He was alone. I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. He could have been sent first to assess, or he could be acting on his own.

"Is he coming here?" Bella whispered beside me.

"Yes, he's almost here."

"What should I do?"

"Just wait," I held her hand tightly. "I don't want you to go out there, Bella. Let me go out there first. Maybe we can avoid this whole situation."

"No," Bella hissed. "Edward, the moment he sees you…"

"He knows I'm here. And he's here just to talk. He's been coming back every few hours to see if we would return. He just wants to talk, Bella."

"But what about the rest of the pack? They must have seen everything he was thinking when he returned?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes," I nodded, "And if Jacob does not return within an hour of confronting us the pack will be here. I want to avoid that at all costs, Bella."

"But you've said it yourself! If you so much as bite a human, it doesn't matter the reason behind it…"

"He's here," I interrupted Bella. She snapped her head forward looking toward the other end of the meadow.

Out of the growth loped the russet wolf that had attacked Bella and I only thirty-six hours earlier. He stopped in the middle of the meadow, waiting. Bella began to walk forward, but I held her back.

"Please, Bella, let me try. I could not live with myself if you were hurt."

"And you think I don't feel the same way about you?"

I didn't answer her, but asked Emmett to hold onto her. I knew I was being selfish, but I couldn't bear the thought of Bella going out there alone. I would not allow it.

As I approached the huge russet wolf in front of me I could hear Bella hissing and protesting as she struggled against Emmett's arms. I'm sure if she tried hard enough she could break free, but for now her efforts were only going to make him hold on tighter.

The wolf stared me down intently, and I picked up in his mind that he didn't trust any of us enough to be in human form. Except Bella of course, and I caught him staring past me for a moment to where she was still struggling in Emmett's vice-like grip.

I wasn't quite sure how to start the conversation, but I did want him to see Bella, and that was still essentially the same, except for one huge difference. Her heart was no longer beating.

_She's not even human anymore!_

I winced internally from the fury in Jacob's voice inside my mind. I didn't know if he was speaking directly to me or if he was simply speaking from observation.

"I know she doesn't look the same to you, or even smell the same. I realize that, but what you have to understand…"

_I don't have to understand anything, leech! You know the treaty. You bit her! You started the war. _

"I didn't bite her for blood, wolf. If you would let me try and explain-"

_There is nothing to explain. If any of you so much as bite a human, for _any_ reason, the treaty is void, and we can destroy you. _There was a tone of relish in Jacob's voice now, and I knew without a doubt that he was just waiting to sink his teeth into me.

He wasn't going to listen to me, and I knew it. I could stand here on the defensive until our sixty minutes was up, and it would get us no where except to the brink of war. I turned back to Bella and nodded at Emmett for him to let her go. But as his arms released her, Bella just stood there looking confused.

I beckoned her forward, and she walked over cautiously, Jasper and Carlisle shadowing her infinitesimally. They were ready to spring if necessary. Emmett was the strength in our family, and he was here to tear the wolves off if they happened to get that close.

"You're right," I whispered to Bella as she came up to my side. Jacob snarled in front of us, his eyes fixed on the new Bella next to me. He had only glimpsed her before, but now she was right in front of his eyes. He couldn't deny that she still looked the same. The same hair, same face, same body. It was just other, sometimes unnoticeable things that were different. And they were the ones that defined our problem.

"He wants to know if that's really you." I told her. Bella started to walk forward toward Jacob, but I grabbed her hand and pulled her back. "Please, be careful. I swear to you if things begin to look like they turning foul, I am getting you out of here."

Bella nodded, understanding and began to walk forward cautiously once more. I remained three steps behind her, just in case.

"Jacob?" she asked slowly. "It's still me. I know I may look a little different, and I know that I smell different…but it's still me. It's still Bella."

"He doesn't want to believe it." I whispered. "He wants to know what happened."

I watched Bella take a deep breath, to steady herself. There was no need for the air. She swallowed a couple times. Although I couldn't see it, I knew she was fighting back the reaction of tears although none would fall.

"I ran away from home, Jacob." She finally said quietly. In front of her, Jacob's eyes widened in disbelief and confusion. "And…I was trying to find my way to you. But I got lost."

Jacob snarled now. "He's upset because you obviously found us instead. He wishes you had told him what was going on and maybe he could have helped you."

"You couldn't have helped me Jacob. There was a lot going on, a lot of family issues that you didn't need to get involved in, despite that our fathers are good friends. I needed to get away, and I was trying to find my way to the reservation at night. I never should have done it. I didn't plan well…"

Jacob growled lowly. "He says you shouldn't have run away at all." I whispered. Bella hissed at him.

"You have no idea what I was going through, Jacob Black! You, who always called yourself my friend, but we haven't spoken since I started high school, so don't you dare tell me what I should have and shouldn't have done! You have no right!"

Jacob whimpered now, guilt flooding his mind for upsetting his friend. His large eyes looked up to Bella, watery. "He's sorry. He says you're right, and he's sorry he fell out of contact."

But then the guilt left his eyes as he looked to me, and a new fire blazed in them. I hissed quietly at his next thought. "He says maybe if he talked to you more often over the last few years, then this would have never happened."

Jacob snarled again, his eyes fixed on me. "He wants you to keep going."

"Edward's father, Carlisle," and Bella gestured back toward him, "took care of me after I managed to find their house. I was very sick, Jacob. And it took days for me to recover. I stayed with the Cullens for a month, and by the end of that month I knew that my presence in their house was causing discontent among Edward's siblings. So I left, and I tried to find my way to the reservation again. And once again I got lost. And I slipped…Edward barely found me in time." Bella paused there, and I noticed as she retold her story that she was leaving everything out that had happened between her and I. I didn't know if she was doing it for Jacob's sake, or if because she felt that it was our business and no one else's.

"Jacob, you have to believe that what he did, he did it to save me." Jacob snarled, "And I know you're not going to understand that. But be honest with yourself. Would you have rather found out I was dead, never knowing that I was even gone? Or would you prefer to know I was somehow still here, although not exactly the same as before?"

My eyebrows went up at her question. It was perhaps the only thing that had been said that could even have the slightest chance of preventing this war. Jacob was completely silent, his mind blank. He had no answer for Bella. They both stood there staring at each other.

Then Jacob's head snapped to the west toward the ocean, toward the reservation. Mine did as well. I had heard them, too.

Our hour was up.

The wolves were on their way. Jacob took off with only one thought in his mind, and it was the last thing I had been expecting. He was going to try and stop them. But as seeing he wasn't the alpha, there wasn't a very good chance he would accomplish it.

"We need to go, Bella. Now." I grabbed her hand.

"No! Where did he go?"

"The pack is on their way."

I heard several members of my family hiss behind me, and glanced over my shoulder. Jasper and Emmett had sunk down into defensive crouches around the rest of our family. They were ready. But I wasn't going to let the wolves destroy them, or even get close enough to try.

Bella and I stood frozen in the middle of the meadow when the pack burst through, snarling and snapping their jaws at us. The large black wolf in front was obviously the alpha, Jacob at his right side. He had failed in his attempt, and I could see the remorse on his face without having to read it in his mind. He knew Bella was about to be destroyed and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

We stood there waiting for something to happen. I could tell the other wolves were hesitant, unlike their leader who was pawing the ground. He was waiting for us to make the first move, to give them irrefutable reason to attack us. But we weren't going to. Carlisle had told all of us that we do not attack unless we absolutely have to. Unless one of us was in danger. And right now, everything was at a standstill.

But I picked up in the minds of the pack that Jacob was having a battle with the alpha, Sam. The black wolf turned on Jacob, who was refusing to obey the order of taking us down. I could hear Sam roaring at Jacob to do as the alpha wolf commanded and Jacob was suddenly on his stomach as Sam forced him down with a huge black paw.

"Jacob, no!" Bella sprang forward.

"Bella, don't!" I lunged after her grabbing her around the waist and yanked her back. But it was too late. The huge black wolf, thinking it was a form of attack on the pack tore forward at Bella. I thrust her behind me, ready to protect her as the wolf charged forward at incredible speed.

I heard Bella scream, and suddenly I was flying to the side as she pushed me out of the way. I barely had time to look up as the black wolf lunged for Bella's throat and tackled her to the ground with such force that she flew into a tree splitting the trunk on impact.

Jasper and Emmett had been waiting for this and lunged toward the black wolf, but Carlisle put his hand out to stop them. Jacob had already raced across the length of the meadow and was clawing at the alpha, biting and ripping away at him where he towered over Bella's unseen form.

I couldn't move. It was as if time had stopped. I watched as Jacob finally wrestled Sam away, smacking at him with his huge paws. I ignored all of the shouting in my mind that was coming from the pack. I raced over to Bella, who lie still on the ground, not moving. Carlisle was already at her side.

I could barely make myself look down at her. But she was in one piece, save for the gaping hole in her neck. Her eyes were wide open in fear, her body motionless. "Carlisle…please don't say she's…"

"Just wait, Edward." He whispered. I watched, my eyes blinking back nonexistent tears and I could hear Esme sobbing quietly. I waited, but nothing was happening. Carlisle just knelt there beside the unmoving body of the girl I loved, waiting for something that obviously was not going to happen.

"Isn't there something you can do?" I shouted.

"Not without instigating another attack." He whispered. In his mind I picked up that Bella needed venom, and the only way she would get it immediately was for one of us to bite her, and Carlisle had good reason not to do it. "Just give her a minute more."

"He's right, Edward." Alice whispered. I looked up at her. In her mind I saw the hole in Bella's neck begin to close and her body finally stirred.

I looked back to her. Nothing was happening yet.

But then a moment later I saw the wound begin to close itself, Bella's own venom was healing her body. Just before the wound was completely closed her eyes blinked once and she shifted. I let out a loud breath and collected her into my arms.

"Gentle, Edward. Her spine is still healing. Sam fractured it when he knocked her down."

I let Bella down slowly, holding her hand. We waited a minute more until Alice saw that Bella was healed completely and I pulled her back up into a tight embrace. I had been petrified that she was gone forever. Driven momentarily insane with grief for the longest five minutes I could remember. Five minutes that had felt longer than the last twenty-four hours.

"Don't be mad," She whispered to me.

"I'm furious," I looked into her eyes, a hint of red still in them. But I had nothing else to say. I kissed her harshly. I just needed to know that she was actually still here. Behind me I heard the low growl of Jacob, and broke away from Bella.

"I need to go talk with him. Stay here," I told Bella. Esme came over and helped Bella to her feet, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

Carlisle and I went over to Jacob, who now stood alone. I looked around noticing for the first time that other wolves, Sam included, had left. In Jacob's mind I picked up on his thought and nodded to him. He loped off into the trees and returned a moment later as the young man I had seen only a couple days before, dressed in a pair of cut off shorts.

"Is she all right?" He asked, rushing forward toward Bella.

"Yes, she's fine. Sam fractured her spin and left a wound in her neck, but everything is healed now." Carlisle confirmed.

"Can I please see her?"

"In a minute," Jacob threw me a dark look. "I just want to know what happened. Where are all the wolves?"

"I stand alone from the pack now. I am longer under Sam's alpha control." Jacob took a breath and looked west toward the reservation. "I was supposed to be the alpha, but I gave control to Sam. I had no desire to be alpha, and I still don't. But the moment he attacked Bella and I ran after him, disobeying his order I felt the chains fall off, metaphorically. As soon as that happened, and I told Sam to stop, he had to obey me. But I still have not taken full control, and I will not. However…" and Jacob paused here, looking from me to Carlisle. "As I am the true alpha, I say that the treaty remains unbroken. We won't attack you again."

Jacob turned and began to walk away, the timbre of his thoughts dark, brooding. He had a lot to deal with now. And a less than enthusiastic welcome back waiting for him.

"Jacob, wait!" Bella shouted behind me and raced across the meadow toward him. Jacob stopped and turned in time to receive the hug Bella offered as she threw her arms around him. I watched him wince at her vampire scent and smirked to myself. "Please, you have to explain this to me. What is going on?"

"Not today, Bella." He answered quietly. "Some day perhaps, but not today."

"I don't want to wait forever, Jacob. We need to talk."

"Well, we both happen to have that now, don't we?" And he smiled darkly at her.

"What do you mean?"

"I'll explain everything, Bella, but not today. Enough has happened already. Go home with him." And Jacob looked over Bella's shoulder at me. "I promise, Bella."

"Soon?" she asked.

"Soon,"

Bella hugged him again and let go quickly. She walked back over toward me and kept going without looking back. A moment later she disappeared through the trees. In Alice's mind I saw her heading back toward the house and isolating herself. She needed to be alone right now.

Jacob was already walking away again when I turned back to him. But Carlisle said first before I could, "Thank you, Jacob."

He didn't respond. He didn't even look back. He just disappeared into the trees at the other end of the meadow and a moment later I heard the sound of paws hitting the ground as he took off back toward the reservation.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	21. Homecoming

**A/N: Chapter 20, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

"I want to go see my parents again." Bella told me a couple days later, once she had finally reemerged from her room.

"You're serious?"

"And I want to actually…interact with them."

I gazed at her across the chessboard we were sitting at. I was attempting to teach her, thinking it might be more of a challenge for myself since I couldn't read her mind and would not know her impending moves.

"Do you think you can handle that?" I asked seriously.

"Yes." Bella snapped. I was slightly taken aback by her tone. Alice had told me to give her space and for the past few days since the fight with the wolves I had done so. Apparently she still needed some. "I'm sorry," She apologized quickly. "But you don't need to treat me like a child anymore, Edward. I can handle it now.

"And besides," She moved a pawn diagonally to capture my knight. I pretended not to notice. "I miss them, Edward. And as far as Carlisle knows they're still hoping I'll come home. They're still looking for me. It's been what…four months now? My sister is going to be graduating high school next month. I have a baby brother that I've never seen except from a distance. He's four months old now. I want to see my family, Edward."

I captured her bishop, staring at the board for a moment before looking back up at her. "I know that you can handle yourself, Bella. I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about emotionally. Do you think you can handle all of the emotions that are bound to be flying around when you suddenly just turn up?"

Bella was silent. She studied the board in front of her for a long minute, confusion crossing her lovely features. She then looked back up at me with an accusatory glare. I was ready for whatever lashing she was about to give me, but what she said came completely out of left field.

"You're letting me win, aren't you?" She accused, a smile forming on her face.

"Busted," I sighed. "I'm sorry, but you're absolutely horrible at chess." I laughed at the end. It was a losing battle that I was fighting trying to teach her.

"Well, maybe its because you're a horrible teacher. Maybe Jasper should be teaching me. He wouldn't let me win."

"No he wouldn't. But you're avoiding my question, Bella."

Bella sighed dramatically. "Look, I know you're concerned and everything with how I "handle" my emotions, but maybe you should just throw caution to the wind for once and not worry about me, let me handle myself and just see how things unfold?"

I watched her for a moment, but she remained stoic, holding my gaze. She wasn't going to let me talk her out of this no matter what argument I tried to use. "When do you want to go?"

"Soon," Bella leaned over the board. She eyed her queen for a moment, and then glanced over the rest of the pieces. "This week would be nice," She moved her queen forward four spaces and knocked my king over with it. "Checkmate."

"Doesn't count," I called out to her as she headed for the stairs, "Remember, I let you win."

"And if _you're_ fast enough I may let you win." She called back quietly, already halfway upstairs.

I jumped up knocking over the chessboard, scattering the pieces on the floor. I chased after Bella hearing her giggle as she approached my room. I caught her just as she tried to shut the door on me and forced my way in locking it behind us.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

In the following days Bella and I sat down with each other to talk about going to see her family. She wanted me to come with her, to introduce me to her parents as her boyfriend. She was still trying to develop a story to tell them to explain how she had been living with us this whole time, Carlisle knowing of course and never saying anything to Bella's father whenever he asked at the hospital.

She considered telling them the truth, but quickly shot it down knowing it would be too painful for her parents to hear. "I could always say I begged Carlisle not to say anything."

"You should just tell them, Bella. I mean, don't you think it's going to be enough that you're just going to turn up on the doorstep without any notice?"

"Exactly," She got up and started pacing around my room. She had moved into it a few weeks ago. "I don't think I should be dumping so much on them all at once, especially if my sister and brother are present. I don't want them feeling guilty on top of everything else."

"Are you going to tell them the truth at all?"

"Maybe, I don't know, Edward!" She collapsed onto the couch and started to shake with nonexistent sobs. I got up and crossed the room to gather her in my arms and brought her back over to the bed. "I'm so confused right now."

"This is exactly what I was talking about with emotions flying around."

"I know," Bella took a steadying breath and her shaking stopped. "I'm ok. I just…" She shook her head to clear some cobwebs. "I don't want to hurt them, Edward."

"I understand," I stroked her hair for a minute, drawing her down to lay next to me and continued running my fingers through her silky locks. "Maybe we should wait a little longer?" I suggested.

"No, I have to do this. I have to before I lose my chance."

"What do you mean?" I asked, was something going on that she hadn't told me about?

"Jessica is going away to college in the fall. I don't want to wait until the last moment and then have no time with her. She's my sister. I want to be able to say goodbye and wish her luck and everything. I mean, I should be able to give her advice and everything, but I never went to college…"

I slipped an arm around her waist and drew her closer to me. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to her. It had been her choice in the first place to not go back in September and stay home to help her parents. She had no one to blame but herself, even though she tried to pass it off as her being obligated to stay home because she believed her parents "needed" her.

"Have you decided whether you're just going to show up, or are you going to contact them first?"

"I don't know yet. I'm leaning towards just showing up and taking it from there."

"How do you think they'll react?"

"I don't know…I can only imagine." She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, "Do you think they'll be happy to see me?"

"I think at first they'll be more relieved to know you're all right, and then when the shock wears off…I'm sure they'll be happy to see you, Bella. You're their daughter."

"So is Jessica," Bella mumbled quietly.

"You're their first born."

"Doesn't change anything. Growing up my parents always told us they loved us all equally. They didn't play favorites." Bella sighed and got up, beginning to pace once more.

"Let's just go." I finally said, wanting her to lay back down with me.

Bella stopped in front of me, her eyes gazing into mine as if she were looking for some sort of sign that I was lying, leading her on. "When?"

"Tomorrow, if you think you're ready."

Bella walked in a small circle for a minute, pulling at her hair and grunting in frustration as she battled over something in her mind. It was killing me that I couldn't hear her thoughts. I hated it whenever she was upset. She finally sat back down on the bed facing me. "I'm ready," she stated firmly. "We'll go tomorrow."

The following day Bella was out to hunt before the sun came up. I went with her, more so for moral support than out of necessity. By the time we returned the sun was up, although it was going to another cloudy day – perfect weather, and the rest of my family were going about random activities. Carlisle had left for the hospital, Esme was straightening up the kitchen, Emmett and Rosalie were watching TV, and Alice and Jasper were playing chess quietly in the corner. Alice was winning.

It was just another typical Saturday for everyone. But for Bella's family that was about to change. Around noon we went to the garage and got in my Volvo, me driving. Bella sat beside me the entire time, her hands visibly shaking. It was obvious that she was beyond nervous about this.

She hadn't seen her family, other than through a window, for over four months now. She had no idea how they were going to receive her. No idea how they would react when they opened the door.

The drive there only took about fifteen minutes, and soon we were pulling up across the street from Bella's house. Bella sat frozen in the seat beside me, staring straight ahead. She appeared to not be breathing.

"Is this too much for you?" I asked, laying my hand on her shoulder.

"No, I'm just nervous…I can take the smell of blood, Edward. That's not what's bothering me."

"You don't have to do this if you're not ready." I told her again.

"I know, and I told you I'm ready. I'm just…preparing myself."

"For what?"

"In case they don't want to see me." Bella turned to me, her eyes full of sadness. Grief and despair crossed her features, so much so that her face grew dark, and suddenly she folded herself into my arms, shaking with dry sobs.

"It's ok, Bella. They won't reject you."

"You can't know that, you're not Alice."

"No, I'm not." I agreed. I tipped her head up so I was looking at her, "But she did tell me what she saw before we left. And only because I asked her. I figured if I knew, and it came to this between us, I could tell you that everything is going to be fine. You don't need to worry, Bella."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I took her hand and kissed the back of it. "Relax. They're all here, and they'll be very happy to see you."

Bella nodded silently and turned to exit the car. I got out after her and we walked across the street hand in hand. I gave hers a reassuring squeeze and she smiled up at me.

"Thank you, Edward. I don't know if I would be able to do this without you." She leaned up on her toes and kissed me gently. "I love you,"

"I love you, too, Bella."

Bella fidgeted with her hair as we approached the door. I took her hand and squeezed it again, reaching up with the other to knock. Bella stilled at my side, doing her best to compose herself. She had dressed in jeans a sweater for the day to hide the coolness of her skin, nothing like what Alice had been dressing her in lately. However, my sister was able to provide Bella with several pairs of contacts that would hide the still vibrant color of her eyes, making them appear closer to her human brown.

The door opened and Bella's father stood there, ready to say hello, but the word died on his lips when he saw his daughter standing before him.

"Hi, dad." Bella said quietly, her voice flat.

His eyes widened in disbelief, still not moving to me, and he stepped forward enough to grab Bella up into his arms and hug her tightly. He was crying when he set Bella back down again, still holding her arms and staring at her as if he couldn't believe she was real and actually standing in front of him.

"You're really here, Bells?" He asked, his voice thick with emotion.

"I'm really here." Bella looked to me for a moment and her father followed her gaze. "Dad, this is Edward Cullen, my…boyfriend." She ended hesitantly, but managed to get the word out.

He narrowed his eyes at me and I picked up in his thoughts that he was mad at my father for not saying anything, but we would quickly clear that up if we ever made it inside. His gaze returned to his daughter. "Come on, Bella." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her into the house. Bella didn't let go of my hand, however, and she pulled me along behind her.

Charlie Swan steered his daughter into the living room where her mother was seated in a rocking chair, Bella's baby brother in her arms as she rocked him to sleep. Her eyes looked up as she heard Charlie walk in, and they widened in disbelief when she saw Bella.

"Bella…" She got up and walked over to her daughter. Charlie offered to take the baby for a moment so Renee could hug her daughter. "You're really here, Bella?" Renee asked when she let Bella go, her eyes shining with tears.

"I'm really here, mom." Bella repeated.

"Where have you been?"

Bella turned to me and I stepped forward, our hands still joined. "This is Edward Cullen, I've been staying with his family."

Renee looked a little confused for a moment and glanced at her husband for elaboration. "He's her boyfriend, Renee." Charlie explained. The baby boy in his arms started to squirm and cry and he raised the small child to his shoulder where he started to rub its back, which immediately calmed him down.

"You ran away to be with your boyfriend, Bella? I didn't even know you had a boyfriend."

I glanced at Bella, watching the confusion cross her face as her mother talked on about how nice it was for Bella to have found someone. But suddenly Bella held up a hand to stop her mother.

"Edward wasn't my boyfriend when I ran away, mom. Look, maybe we should go sit down."

"I'll put James down," Charlie offered quietly, and disappeared upstairs with Bella's baby brother.

"I would like to hold him later if I can?" She asked sheepishly as her father retreated.

"Of course you can, sweetheart. But let's talk first."

I steered Bella toward the living room, my hand at the small of her back. I could tell my touch was helping to relax her greatly, so I was trying to keep one hand on her as often as possible.

Bella and I settled on the couch and her mother took the rocking chair once more. Not a moment after we had sat down there was a crashing on the stairs and two teenagers entered the living room. I assumed they were Jessica and Mike, Bella's other siblings. Jessica flung herself into Bella's arms crying hysterically.

"Where the hell have you been?" She demanded loudly. "How could you just…?" But she didn't finish. Words failed her as she took me in sitting next to her sister, and our clasped hands. "Are you who I think you are?" she asked me, sounding slightly accusatory.

"Perhaps," I answered with a sarcastic grin.

"Don't be a jerk," Bella whispered low enough for only me to hear and elbowed me in the side.

I grinned at her and introduced myself to her sister and brother. Jessica immediately sat down on my other side and started peppering Bella and I with questions until her mother stopped her and told her to breathe. Mike was standing behind the couch shaking with quiet laughter.

"So are you two together then?" He asked once he had gotten control of himself.

"Yes," we answered together. I noticed Charlie entering the room behind Mike, and caught the sneer he sent in my direction as I confirmed my involvement with his eldest daughter.

"So you've been staying with Edward's family this whole time, Bella?" He asked, taking the seat beside his wife. He placed one hand on her knee in a gesture of comfort.

"Yes," Bella answered simply. "I sort of…found them, and they took me in."

"I'm beyond shocked that your father never said anything to me all of the times I've inquired at the hospital." Charlie threw another deathly glare at me, although I knew he was more upset with Carlisle.

"I begged Dr. Cullen not to say anything." Bella blurted out. So she had decided to go with that story after all. I was hoping she would tell her family the truth, but considering how everyone had already reacted to her returning, perhaps it was best to save it for a different time.

"I just…needed some time away." Bella began slowly again. "I was really trying to make it down to the reservation, to stay with Jacob and his father…but I got lost. And I found Edward and his family thankfully." Bella took my hand and smiled at me wistfully. "They've been very good to me. Alice and Esme especially."

"I know Alice," Jessica piped up. "I sit down the table from her at lunch, although she doesn't really say much, neither of you do, actually." Jessica looked at me strangely then for a moment. "But Alice is fabulous. She's so pretty."

"I'll tell her you think so. She'll appreciate that. Maybe you could sit with us. I'm sure she'd love to have someone to "talk girl" with." I offered, and Jessica's eyes lit up like fireworks. Sure there were only a few weeks left till graduation, but I knew they would be the best for Jessica in her high school career.

"Are you going to be staying with them from now on?" Renee asked tentatively after a few moments of silence had passed.

Bella hesitated before answering. Her eyes sought her mother's and before the word even left her mouth I watched as her mother's shoulders slumped. "Yes," Bella said softly.

"You can come back, Bells. We have room for you." Her father offered, pleaded almost.

"You don't, dad, and you know it." Bella responded, staring right at him. Her father looked defeated, knowing his daughter was right. "Besides, it's time I moved out anyway."

"But you _can_ stay here, Bella. We want you back." Renee now pleaded with her daughter.

"I know you do, mom. But I'm nineteen now, I should be in college."

"It's that your plan then?" Charlie asked. "To go away to college in the fall with Edward?"

"I got in to UW!" Jessica exclaimed happily.

"That's really great news, Jess." Bella smiled at her sister. "You know that's where I was planning on going, right?"

"Yeah, that's why I applied there."

Bella smiled wistfully at her sister for a moment before turning her gaze back to me. "We're not entirely sure what our plans are right now. We're just sort of taking things day to day." Bella told her parents.

"You're not pregnant, Bella, are you?" Renee asked suddenly, and all heads except Charlie's snapped to look at her. He must have wanted to ask that question the moment we turned up at the door, but had been embarrassed to. He now looked relieved that his wife had finally voiced the concern for him.

Bella chuckled lightly, her hand gripping mine involuntarily, "No, mom, I'm not pregnant."

"But you are sleeping together." Mike stated. He definitely wasn't asking.

"Michael!" Renee looked up at him in shock.

"What?" He shrugged. "It's obvious, the way they act around each other, and I haven't seen Bella let go of him once since I came in here." Bella immediately dropped my hand.

"I didn't realize we were that see-through." She whispered.

Renee sighed, "As long as you're being safe about it…"

"All right," Charlie stood up, calling attention away from the conversation that was obviously making him uncomfortable. I watched Bella shoot him a look of thanks and he returned it. "I think we've asked Bella enough for now." He turned then to his daughter, "I'm going to go check on James, do you want to come with me, Bells?"

"I'll take her upstairs." Renee offered, getting up quickly. She wanted more time alone with her daughter, and I delved from her thoughts that she wanted to extract as much information from Bella about me as she could.

"Fine," Charlie resigned, and then looked to his other two children. "You two need to go finish your homework and then you have chores to do."

Jessica and Mike both groaned loudly in protest, but Jessica got up off the couch and followed her brother upstairs. I heard two doors shut, and then two different types of music start playing. Renee and Bella disappeared upstairs a minute later, Bella looking excited at the prospect of finally getting to meet her baby brother. Which left me alone with Charlie, and I momentarily thought of the gun I had seen hanging by the door when we walked in, although it wouldn't do him much good to use it.

He stood by the rocking chair, shuffling from foot to foot while I stood across from him in front of the couch, hands in my pockets. I had one ear trained upstairs with Bella and her mother, and the other on Charlie, although it was really my mind trained on him. He wasn't completely undecided about me, but he still didn't know what to think. His daughter just turns up after disappearing for four months, and she turns up with a boy claiming him as her boyfriend. The only thing he could think at the moment was that his daughter had run away because I had gotten her pregnant. So his thoughts toward me weren't exactly civil.

"You're treating my Bella well?" He asked, finally breaking the think silence between us.

"As well as she allows me to, sir. She can be a bit…stubborn at times."

Charlie smiled to himself. "Yes, she can be." His thoughts turned to Bella as a child for a moment and I caught a few images of her protesting as her mother forced her into a tutu, tried to get her to sit straight the first time she had her hair cut off, and her first day of school as Charlie attempted to gently untangle Bella from her mother's legs, refusing to get on the bus. I chuckled to myself.

"Do you love her?"

"Yes, sir, with everything that I am. Nothing is more important to me than Bella."

Charlie looked at me then with surprise, and the tenor of his thoughts toward me abruptly changed. He could tell I was being sincere as I spoke about his daughter.

"It didn't start out like that, though." I admitted. "We didn't get along at all at first. But the more we got to know each other in the first month Bella was with my family, the more grew to like each other, and we fell in love."

Charlie shuffled on his feet once more. He was finding it difficult to accept the fact that there was a man out there that loved his daughter as much as he did, and wanted the same protection and happiness for her. There was a moment of jealousy that flitted through his mind, not wanting to share his daughter, but as Bella had said she was an adult now and it was time for her to move on. Time for her father to let her go. And it was obvious that Charlie Swan was very reluctant to do that.

"Sir, I was wondering if there was something I could ask you, about Bella?"

"I was wondering when you would be getting to that," Charlie looked up at me with a knowing smirk on his face. "Let's go sit in the kitchen." He offered, gesturing in the general direction of it. I followed hesitantly. This was going to be an interesting and awkward conversation.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	22. A Little Sweetness Through the Pain

**A/N: Chapter 21, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

Over the next few weeks I fell into an easy pattern of seeing my family. I visited them mostly on Fridays and weekends, when everybody was there. I was always sure to arrive some time after lunch and always leave before dinner, no matter how much my mother begged me to stay. In my absence her cooking had greatly improved, but that still didn't spare the fact that she liked to experiment.

Sometimes Edward came over with me, but most times I went alone. I don't want to say he "allowed" me to come alone, because he knew now that I could handle myself. And sometimes I really didn't want him there. Between Jessica throwing him flirtatious glances and batting her eyes, and my father glaring, it was sometimes just uncomfortable. Whenever Edward opted to stay home he would drop me off and come get me. I didn't quite feel comfortable showing up in my flashy new Audi, that I had yet to take out on my own, and then have Mike drooling all over the car.

There was only a few weeks left of the summer now, and Jessica would be leaving soon for Seattle. I made an effort to spend as much time at my parents' house as possible, but it was becoming harder and harder. With Jessica leaving, my mother and father assumed I would want to move back in and share Jessica's room with her. My sister almost immediately got a look on her face, but I just ignored her and turned to my father,

"You and I both know there just isn't room for me here, and besides, I'm settled in with Edward's family. I should be out on my own. Edward and I were actually talking of getting a place together away from his family, just the two of us. He's taking a semester off and we thought about using that time to find a cute little place together."

Ok, so I had sort of lied at the end. Edward had no intentions of going away to college unless I went with him, mostly because he had been through college six times already and was bored with it, and he honestly didn't want to be away from his family that much. He had been away from them once before, and although the years he had spent alone had been liberating for him, he had missed the unity of family he had had with Carlisle and Esme.

I couldn't blame him. I know how it felt.

Once I told my father that afternoon that I wasn't coming back, he simply let out a long breath and smiled wistfully at me before getting up and asking me to follow him out to the garage.

"I knew you would say something to that degree. You won't be leaving Edward, I saw that the moment you two showed up on the doorstep. You love him, and he loves you. Nothing is ever going to separate the two of you."

I was taken aback for a moment by my dad's statement. I hadn't expected such acceptance from him, so it was a little shocking. He hugged me quickly, but held on for just an extra moment. I hugged him back making sure I didn't squeeze too hard and give myself away.

He then looked up to a shelf on the garage wall where there were several cardboard boxes with my name written on them in permanent marker. "We put everything out here…about a month after you left. Everything is here."

He started to pull down the boxes and opened one. Inside were most of my books, minus the ones I had taken with me when I ran away. Others had clothes in them, stuffed animals, pictures and other things I had left behind.

"Thanks," I closed the boxes back up and we piled them off to the side so I could load them into the Volvo when Edward came to get me. It was an awkward moment between my father and I, and I knew he had wanted to do it without my mother around. Seeing this would just make it so final for her that I wasn't coming back.

Since that afternoon I had brought everything back from my parents' house and had moved it to Edward's room. Most of it, the stuffed animals and such, were still in boxes, but I had added my collection of books to Edward's and placed some of my pictures around the room.

There weren't many of him and I, but then again we didn't usually have the opportunity for Kodak moments. I was ok with that, I didn't need pictures of Edward, nothing would ever compare to the beauty of the real thing.

"Do you want to go to college?" he asked one afternoon as we sat in the meadow, a beam of sunlight only a few feet from us. I lay down on the grass and stretched out.

This was the first time we had been back here since the attack with the wolves, and honestly I had been nervous to come back here, but Edward assured me that this was "Cullen territory", and that the wolves had to respect it. The only wolf we had a chance of seeing was Jacob, and even that was stretch.

"Why do you ask?" I responded.

Edward lay down on his side next to me supporting his head on one elbow. "Just curious. I didn't know if you wanted to go or not. I know it was something you were really looking forward to, and I know its something you still want to do, so I'm just asking. Do you want to go to college?"

I chewed on my upper lip for a moment, turning over the notion in my mind a few times. It only took a fraction of a second for me to reach a decision, but I didn't mouth it right away. I took a moment to stare deep into Edward's topaz eyes. His returning gaze was so gentle and patient as he waited for an answer.

"Not right now."

"I knew you would say that," He smiled, and rolled himself on top of me.

"I though you couldn't read my mind,"

"I can't, but I knew what you were going to say regardless. You've been spending so much time with your family lately that I know it would hurt you to tear yourself away from them for another extended period of time."

"I think I would be able to handle it, though, because I know I can always come back and see them whenever I want. Besides, you won't have that much to do I assume."

Edward chuckled and leaned down to place a soft kiss on my lips. He rolled us back over so he was now lying on his back and I was straddling his waist. He held me gently as I leaned over him and peppered his face and neck with light kisses.

I could have stayed with him like that forever, caught in that perfect moment of happiness where nothing else existed in the world except for us. Everything was the way it should have always been. From the moment we entered each other's lives. But so much pain could never be erased, and we would never forget. It made us who we were together, and I would never trade it for anything else.

"Let's head back," I finally said. I got up and offered Edward a hand pulling him to his feet. He kissed me one final time before we took off through the trees back to his house for the evening. I didn't know if he had any explicit plans, but I knew that whenever we engaged in those extended moments of kissing I was always left wanting more, no matter how long we had been occupied beforehand.

But apparently Edward did have other plans. We spent an almost uneventful evening around the chessboard as he attempted once more to teach me to play.

*~*~*HG*~*~*

"So, do you know where you're living on campus?" I asked Jessica the following Saturday when I visited. I had come over to help her pack and choose the things she would definitely need so she didn't wind up taking her entire life with her.

"I'm in the coed dorms, third floor. I think my roommate's name is Maggie. I found her on Facebook and added her as a friend. We've had a couple conversations, she seems cool. She's Irish, actually, but she was born here."

"That's pretty cool." I went through her small collection of books and asked her if she wanted to take any of them with her. Jessica shook her head and continued going through her massive closet full of clothes. There was no way she was planning on taking all of it. It would never fit. They give you a small closet and a small dresser and that's it.

"What do you think I should bring?" She asked, flipping through the hangers.

"Jeans, t-shirts, sweatshirts, lounge pants. Just basics, Jess, trust me. You'll never have room for everything."

"I know…" She sighed, depressed, "I just wish I did. I love some of these outfits, but I can't bring them. What about this?" She grabbed a short dress from the closet and held it up.

"And where would you wear that to?"

"I don't know, an on campus party or something. I was actually thinking of pledging, do you think I would get in?"

"Of course you would. But you know that's a lot of work, not to mention money."

"Yeah, I was looking into a couple different sororities, it's like five hundred just to pledge, not including a white dress, gifts for your sisters, or any other money you need to put into it."

"So don't do it, or at least don't do it the first semester if you really want to join."

"Doesn't solve my problem of getting money."

"Get an on-campus job. Sit in the lost and found booth, or the information booth. Those pay well from what I remember when I went to the open house." I threw a couple pairs of sneakers in a box, closed it and taped it shut.

"You make it sound so easy," Jessica sighed. She grabbed her pillow and sat down on her bed. "So tell me about you and Edward."

"What's to tell, everything is a bit obvious, isn't it?"

"Are you sleeping together?"

I glared at my younger sister for a moment. I couldn't believe she was asking me this. Not that I cared, and I didn't care about her knowing, but the fact that she was showing any interest in my life was astounding to me, because it had always been about Jessica in the past.

"Yeah, why?"

"I'm just curious…"

I turned and stared at her. She was toying with the corner of her pillow and looking down at her hands. She had ended her statement in a leading way. Like she wanted to say more, but was too anxious to talk about it.

I sat down on the bed beside her. "Is there something you want to talk about? Sister to sister without mom around?"

"Yeah, actually," Jessica sighed, "You know I've been going out with Tyler Crowley for almost a year now."

Actually I hadn't been aware. I knew she had a boyfriend on the Varsity football team, I just didn't know who, and had no idea they had been going out for so long. I just nodded in response to her question.

"Well, we were talking about college the other day. We're actually living on the same floor, he's a few doors down from me, and we've been talking about…sex a lot lately. We haven't done anything yet." Jessica quickly put her hands up in a defensive posture.

I just shook my head internally. Of course she would be coming to be about this. Mom had beaten it into both of us, "You don't have sex before marriage. You don't want an unexpected surprise." Which is what I had been. My parents married right out of high school, and then I came along almost ten months later.

"Jessica, if you think he's the one you want to be your first, do it. If you love him and you know he loves you, then it's ok. That's how I felt about Edward, and even he was apprehensive. Edward is very…old-fashioned. He didn't want it at all at first."

"But you guys did it eventually anyway, right?"

"Yeah, and now we can't stop." I laughed at the end a bit and got a small smile from Jessica in return. "Look, if you think Tyler is the one, do it. But don't let him pressure you into it, you call the shots." I held her gaze as I spoke, letting her know I meant every word I said.

"That's just it though," Jessica responded, her eyes downcast, "I don't think he is the one. He's been talking about it incessantly, and I'm starting to think that it's all he cares about at this point."

"If there is any doubt in your mind, don't do it. You don't want to regret this decision years down the road and wish you could go back and do things differently. Because once you do it, you can't take it back."

"Sounds like you regret it a little."

I shook my head visibly this time. "No, not at all. I love Edward, and I know he loves me…maybe a little bit too much, but still. I don't regret anything I do with him because I don't want to live my life based on the things I _should_ have done."

Jessica flushed for a moment and I watched as she smiled to herself, trying to be secretive about it. I wish I had Edward's ability right now. I wanted to know what was making my little sister blush so much.

"What is it?"

"Is he…good at it?"

I waited to feel the typical warmth I would get from such a question flood my cheeks, but it never came. "Considering we were both virgins together…yes." I let the admission out with a shaky voice. "We're still learning together."

"Does he get…does he like to experiment?"

"You want to know all the details of my sex life?" I asked, a little laughter forcing itself out due to absurdity of the conversation.

"Not all, just a few pointers maybe. Look, I'm having a lot of mixed feelings about Tyler and I need a little guidance. What if I meet some new guy on campus who treats me like a queen and all of a sudden I want to be with him more than Tyler. I want to know that I would be making the right decision."

"I can't tell you how to do that," I told her honestly. Jessica looked slightly crestfallen, and I reached out to touch her shoulder, but pulled my hand back. "You have to make that decision for yourself. If you are having doubts about Tyler, maybe you should sit down with him before going away and talk about this. Maybe it's just a case of miscommunication."

"I doubt it." Jessica sighed. She flopped onto her back. "I know the only thing he thinks about is tits and ass. And sometimes I know it's not mine."

"Too much information," and I pretended to be grossed about by her admonition.

We both started laughing and couldn't stop for several minutes. By the time we got back to packing the conversation hadn't switched much and I spent the rest of the afternoon telling Jessica about how Edward and I fell in love, editing in some places, and she clung to every word. I knew she was hoping that her own storybook prince would come along and rescue her.

That afternoon when Edward came to pick me I was shocked to see him on the motorcycle. My dad's eyes nearly bulged out of his head and I momentarily thought he was going to reach for his gun and shoot the engine out on Edward's Ducati. Mike looked as if he wanted to hump the poor bike, but Edward remained on the seat, waiting patiently for me.

Luckily enough he had thought ahead and had a helmet for himself and me. I reminded my father of that as I said goodbye and headed out. "I don't like those things, Bells. You know that."

"Edward is a very safe driver, you have nothing to worry about."

My father just sneered and glared at Edward over my shoulder. "Just…be safe, ok? I don't want to lose you a second time."

"Don't worry."

I resisted the urge to kiss him on the cheek and instead headed down the front steps to where Edward was waiting, my helmet in his hand. I climbed up on the bike behind him and pulled the pointless helmet over my head and buckled it before slipping my arms around his waist and leaned into him.

I waved goodbye one last time before Edward kicked the bike to life, and it snarled beneath us as we took off. "So tell me why you had to bring this and not the safer Volvo?" I asked him as we headed down Main Street towards the outside of Forks.

"I just thought you might want to ride in style this afternoon."

"You know my dad was momentarily considering killing you, right?"

"No he wasn't. He _was_ thinking of impounding this bike, however, until he could prove that I can pass the test for it. Obviously that would have been pointless on his part, since I can drive any vehicle perfectly."

"Show off," I muttered, and leaned into his back more, just so I could be closer to him.

"Any plans for tonight?" I asked when we arrived back at the house.

"Just one." He told me. He grabbed my hand after that and led me back outside and away toward the river. The sun was dipping low in the west, its slanting rays catching the last bit of river it could reach, making the water sparkle.

"I just can't get over how beautiful it is all the way out here." I sighed and settled onto a patch of grass.

Edward sat down beside me, a look of nervousness crossing his face. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing, just thinking." He lied, obviously.

"Tell me," I reached out and stroked some hair off of his face. "You know you can tell me anything."

"It's not something I have to tell you. It's something I have to ask you."

I shrugged as if it were no big deal. "Ask away,"

"I'm not quite sure how."

"Can I help?"

"No, not really."

I sat there in silence as I watched him. He face was a mask, hiding the clear battle he was having inside his mind. I knew he was trying to keep it from me, but I could read him as clear as any book.

"Just ask the question, Edward." I laughed slightly.

He reached out and took my hand, running his thumb across the back of it. With this other hand he pulled a small ring box from his pocket. Suddenly I knew what was coming, and I understood why he was acting so shifty. I sucked in a breath the way a human would when something dawned on them that they knew they weren't ready to face.

"Isabella, I know what we've been through together transcends anything a human could ever possibly comprehend. But you were a part of this before I entered you into this life, and you understood. I never expected to find anyone that I would want to share this existence with, but I found you…" He looked up at me with a smile starting to form on his lips, "And I love you with ever fiber, every iota of my being. And I want to spend the rest of my existence showing you just how much I love you. Would you do me the extraordinary honor of marrying me?"

He opened the little black ring box to reveal inside a beautiful, antique diamond ring. "This was my mother's, so you can't tell me off for spending money on you." He laughed uneasily. He pulled the ring from the velvet lining and held it in line with my left third finger. "Will you marry me, Bella?"

I glanced from the ring to his eyes, burning with passion and a hint of sadness as I hesitated in answering him. But the moment the question had first left his lips, I knew my answer. There was no one else on this Earth that I could dream of spending eternity with, no matter the cost.

"Yes," I whispered.

Edward slipped the ring onto my finger, smiling in complete triumph. He lifted me from the ground, pulling me off my feet entirely as he wrapped me up in his arms and his lips crushed to mine a searing, passionate kiss.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	23. Reconciliation and Remorse

**A/N: Chapter 22, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

I knew I never should have done this, especially in the wake of Edward proposing, but I knew he never would have let me go alone, and I needed to see Jacob. He needs to know what has developed in my life since the last time we saw each other. Almost two months ago.

I have been debating over seeing him for so long, hesitating enough to almost make me back down from ever seeing him again, but we have been friends since childhood and he stood up for me against Sam and the other wolves. For that I owe him at least the truth, if not my life.

So, going against my better judgment, and behind Edward's back since I know he can not read my thoughts, I planned to locate Jacob on my own and talk to him on neutral ground, figuratively speaking of course.

I set out at sundown, when the rest of Edward's himself, including himself had gone out to hunt for the night. I told him I would be fine until the morning, seeing as he was reluctant to leave me alone, only because now that we were engaged he never left my side with the excuse that he could never get enough of me.

Alice reassured him that I would not get up to any trouble, cloaking her own mind from Edward's prying one. She had been very careful not to think of me disappearing from her vision tonight over the past few days so Edward would not be tipped off. Ever since discovering that her vision is blind to the wolves, Alice had been trying to find a way around it to predict if the wolves ever got close. It was simple as the entire family disappearing from her mind, but I wanted to find a way for her to tell me if she could pinpoint where Jacob was.

The last I heard, from Edward picking up on the wolves' thoughts of course, that Jacob had broken from the pack and was on his own. This fact made it only too easy to talk to him, but much more difficult to find him. I could always follow my nose, literally, and trail after that pungent wolf stench, but it could in the end lead me to the pack, and not Jacob.

I asked Alice to track where it was I might be going tonight, and of course she told me she would not know until I actually made the decision to head in a certain direction. So I was blind. I was going to have to do with only my senses to guide me.

So as the sun dipped further down behind the trees, and Edward and his family were long gone from the area, I set out into the black forest on my own, intent on finding my friend.

I ran for some time, miles upon miles. Every time I picked up on the distinct scent of Edward I headed in the opposite direction, my sense of smell primed for the stench of wolf. The first time it crossed my path I almost took off following it, but in the distance I could hear the pounding of several paws on dirt and knew it wasn't Jacob.

I quickly turned and headed back north after that, trying to get as far away from the pack as possible. I kept crossing Edward's and Alice's scent. They must not have gone as far away as I thought, and they were lingering around. I knew he would. Edward could not possibly bear to be that far from me. It was frustrating sometimes, especially when I wanted a little space from him. He was a doting fiancé, but I needed space to process things in my mind still. I am still coming to grips with this way of existing, and I am still adjusting to being back with my family on occasion.

And thinking of them made me remember that I had yet to tell them of mine and Edward's engagement and we had been official for almost two weeks now. I shook the thought from my mind for now. I would deal with it at another time. I had something more important for the moment to focus on.

I turned sharply east when I picked up on another wolf scent, this one earthier in its fragrance. I knew at once that this was Jacob and followed it as it lead me across the Canadian border. I was hesitant to cross, knowing I was farther north of my home than I had ever been before, and I was anxious to be so far away, but I _had_ to see Jacob and talk to him.

I began to slow as the smell grew stronger, more concentrated, and finally stopped when ahead of me in the darkness I saw a large, looming figure crouched over a much smaller one. I approached slowly, not wanting to startle Jacob if this was indeed him, although I had no doubt in my mind that it was.

Suddenly the large creature turned, rearing its head on me, and it sniffed the air loudly. It loped off from the elk it had been feasting on and only a few moments later Jacob reappeared from the trees, tugging a pair of ripped up shorts into place. He was barefoot and bare-chested as normal. His hair reached his shoulders now and was incredibly shaggy and dirty. He had been in the wild much longer than I had initially thought. At least he was avoiding the public eye, and for his own good. Not many people would take well to a ten-foot tall wolf if it crossed their path.

"Bella?"

"It's me," I whispered. "I…I've been looking for you."

"For how many days?" Jacob sounded accusatory, like he had never wanted to be found.

"Just tonight. I need…I need to talk to you. Edward doesn't know I'm doing this."

Jacob actually cracked a smile. He approved of me going behind Edward's back to do this. I knew he would. He would approve of anything that caused Edward even the minutest form of discomfort.

"Good for you,"

I walked over to him slowly and he approached me as well. Before I could react however, Jacob had thrown his arms around me and was hugging me fiercely. It was the last thing I had been expecting, and I stiffened momentarily before I began to hug him back.

"I can't believe you found me in one night like this. How long have you been running?"

"Since sundown on the west coast."

It was almost dawn now, and I would have to return within the hour if I wanted to make it back just as Edward was. "I almost ran into the other wolves, and Edward, trying to find you. I'm just glad I did. There are some things…some things I need to tell you."

Jacob nodded to the west, indicating we should walk. He was thinner than I remembered from the last time I saw him, and I saw a ratty belt holding his shorts up. He may have been surviving on his own, but just barely. I wanted him to come back, but I knew he wouldn't. It would take his own family to convince him, and unfortunately all he had was his father.

"So what do you want to talk about?" He asked as he walked through the trees in the eerie darkness around us.

"I want to settle things between us. I know there has been a lot of discord…"

"Just spit it out, Bells. You're not very good at diplomacy if that's why you're here."

"Not for everyone else, just me. Look…Jacob…" I took a deep breath and let it out. "Edward and I are getting married."

Jacob stopped suddenly and stared right at me. "Well," He breathed, and started walking again after a long moment, "the damage is already done." I knew he was referring to my vampiric state. "And I suppose it's the next natural step for you two." He sounded so defeated and hurt. Like he had been holding on to some last hope that I was going to leave the Cullens and maybe join him.

"But I wanted to talk to you about more than just that."

"What else is there to talk about, Bella? You're marrying that leech and that's going to be it. I'm just fine on my own out here. I have food when I need it and I can run for however long and wherever I want to. You don't need to worry about me if you have been."

"But look at you, Jacob! You're not…"

"What? The same person I was two months ago. Bella, it needed to happen. I knew it was only a matter of time before Sam did something that set me off and I would shake off the shackles of his alpha position. But I never wanted that, and I knew it would be best for the pack if I just left."

"But you didn't leave just the pack, Jacob. What about me?"

"What about you, Bella?" Jacob half shouted in defiance. "You don't need me. Yes, I understand you never wanted any of this to happen, and that you had wanted to come to me initially, and believe I wish with all of my heart that you found your way that night, and then none of this ever would have happened. But that's not how things went. You're…" he stopped and gestured up and down to me, indicating my dead body, "_this_," he spat, "and there's no changing it. You're stuck this way for the rest of you life."

"It's really not much of a life without everyone I love in it."

Jacob snorted. "You don't love m, Bella. Not like you love him."

"You're my best friend, Jacob, you can't just shut me out. And what about your father?"

"He understands what I'm doing and he knows I'll come back when I want to."

"He needs you, Jacob."

Jacob stopped again and he glared deep into my eyes. "Has something happened?"

I held my hands up, "No, your father is fine. I didn't mean to make you think that. I'm sorry."

We walked in silence for some time after that, until the first light of the sun started to touch the tops of the trees. I realized then that I had to go, and I had not said half the things I wanted to Jacob. I knew he never would listen to them, no matter how hard I tried.

"You need to go," Jacob stated, and it wasn't a question.

I nodded. It was going to take me at least an hour to get back if I ran flat out at my fastest speed without stopping. And by then the sun would be well up in Washington, and Edward would know I was gone.

"Jacob, I want you to come to the wedding."

"Why? So I can feel tormented some more?"

I turned to go, hurt coursing through me at his refusal. But he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

"Yes you did, don't try and take it back."

A few moments silence passed before he spoke again, and he asked me a question I was not expecting, but overjoyed to hear. "When is the wedding?"

"August thirteenth. So my sister can be there for it before she goes away to college. We figured why bother waiting, its not like…" I stopped. I didn't want to mention anything to do with a normal life. A life I knew Jacob dreamed of having with me, but never would.

"Yeah, I get it. Look, I'll think about it, Bella."

"I really want you there. I want you to be my best man."

Jacob snorted again, louder than last time, and almost started laughing. "Shouldn't your sister, or maybe even that little pixie have that spot?"

"I haven't made any decisions like that yet. We still have about a month to finalize everything."

"I'll think about it, ok. I can't promise you any more than that."

I nodded, waiting for tears to prickle in my eyes, but they didn't. Jacob looked off into the distance, watching as the sun continued to rise higher. Its far-reaching rays touched my skin briefly and it glittered. Jacob stared wide-eyed at me, my skin glistening in the light.

"You look like an alien, Bells." He laughed, reaching out tentatively to touch my skin. He pulled back at the last moment, looking almost afraid that if he touched me he would burn.

"Take care of yourself, Bella, for me. Ok?" He reached and finally touched my cheek, lingering a moment longer than I knew he meant to, but then it was gone.

And so was he.

I didn't reach home until the sun was at a sharp angle in the sky, and its light was pouring down into the valley behind the house. Edward was waiting for me by the river, watching the water glitter as light danced over the soft waves caused by the wind.

"How long have you been waiting?" I asked as once I had leapt across the wide expanse of the river.

"A while," he answered simply without looking at me, his tone flat.

I didn't care if he was angry. Finding Jacob had been important to me, and if he couldn't respect that then it was going to be rift between us forever. I couldn't handle that. And I knew he wouldn't be able to either.

"I went to find Jacob. I had to talk to him."

"I figured as much. Did you find him?" He still refused to take his eyes off the water and look up at me. I was starting to get irritated.

"Yes, and I told him about us."

Edward smirked, probably imagining the pain it had caused Jacob, and I wanted to smack him hard enough to crack his skin, but I held it back. "How did he take it?"

"As well as can be expected I suppose. He wasn't thrilled. I asked him if he would come back."

"And he said no, right?"

I nodded. "So how did you know?" I asked, moving a little closer to him.

Edward stood silent, hesitating in answering me and I was sure he would say he had been following me. "Alice was acting shifty all night, and I knew it was because something was up with you. I knew you would leave, and I knew you would go after Jacob. Why else would you want to stay behind when the rest of us leave?"

He finally turned, his smirk still in place. "Look, I know he means a lot to you, he's your best friend, and you had some things you had to say to him. I'm glad you were able to resolve all of that, Bella, I just wish you had at least told me."

"I knew what you would have said, what you would have done."

"I wouldn't have held you back, if that's what you mean. I trust you, and I know he means you no harm. I know he wouldn't hurt you. I just wish you had something so I knew and wasn't fighting with the urge to come after you all night. I was petrified it was something else, Bella, all night. Alice wouldn't tell me anything."

"I'm sorry," I grabbed his hand and stroked the back of it. "I never meant to make you worry, I just knew you would have some objection to it."

"Of course I would!" Edward exclaimed, turning to me fully and taking me in his arms. "You ran off to find a werewolf and talk with him. Why wouldn't I have an objection? But I wouldn't have tried to stop you. I would have at least asked you if I could go with you."

I reached up and brushed some hair off his forward. "I'm really sorry, Edward. But this was something I needed to do alone."

"I understand," Edward sighed and buried his nose in my hair. He pulled back almost immediately with a light laugh. "You smell like a dog."

I smacked his shoulder playfully. "Well we don't smell much better to him."

"I think you need a shower."

I just shook my head at him. "Always trying to find ways of getting my clothes off, aren't you?"

"No, you just smell."

He smiled brightly at me, laughter lighting up his eyes until they sparkled as brightly as his skin. He leaned down closing the space between us and kissed me lightly for a few moments before pulling back. Then he hugged me close, crushing me to his solid chest.

"Lets go inside." I said, and turned him so we were heading back to the house.

A few days later we visited my parents to tell them the news of our engagement. I was surprised when my father didn't react the same was my mother, and I knew then that Edward had spoken to him beforehand. I should have known he would, considering the era he comes from.

My mom and sister started crying before I could even finish telling them, and then they cried some more when we announced that we were having the wedding in less than a month so Jessica could be here for it. They both started spewing ideas about colors and fabrics and themes.

I managed to get them to stop, telling them they could get together with Alice and Esme, who were already throwing tons of ideas together. We didn't spend a lot of time with my parents, since Edward wanted to be alone for a while. We had never celebrated his birthday at the end of June, and I felt I owed him some uninterrupted time together.

We had been hunting together the previous evening and had come across a waterfall buried deep in the woods, well enough away from the house and the reservation that we would be completely alone. It fell down a cliff face into a small lake. It wasn't an overly tall waterfall, but it was just enough to provide gentle background noise for us as we drifted along in the water together.

"Do you think maybe we're rushing this?" I asked as I floated into his arms.

"What's to rush? There's nothing holding us back really. We have forever together regardless."

I turned in his arms, the water lapping around our naked bodies gently. I shrugged in answer to his question. "It's just a feeling. I guess I'm still getting used to this whole 'forever' concept, you know?"

Edward leaned in and kissed me. "Yeah, I know." He whispered.

He covered my lips with his once more, pushing himself against me until he had me pinned against some rocks somewhere. No more words were spoken between us as I wrapped my body around his, moving awkwardly for a moment until we joined our bodies together. It had been some time since we had been together and it was like coming home again, being joined with Edward.

We moved together gently at first, wanting to build up the long subdued passion before it exploded. We never parted from each other, whether we kissed or mouthed each other's skin. I wished for Edward to bite me again as he had done in the past, but this was not about that. It was all about us, and nothing more.

We were beginning the next chapter of our lives together, and I wanted the past to stay exactly there, in the past. It was time for both of us to move on from everything that had happened since we entered into each other's lives. It was unhealthy to continue to allow all of this to hang over our heads. It was time to let it all go.

I hissed sharply as Edward thrust into me roughly. His eyes had widened significantly and his breathing came in shallow pants. I knew he was close now. I gripped him tighter and buried my face in his neck. His hands left my hips momentarily to tighten my legs around his waist enough that I wouldn't fall as he drew us back out in the water.

Only moments later his body rocked with release, sending tremors through my own form and causing waves of pleasure to crash down on me. We cried out each other's names, clinging to one another in our moment of passion. I never wanted to let him go, to have him with me forever.

And then I remembered, I already did.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	24. Epilogue

**A/N: Epilogue, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

The day had finally arrived. The day I had been counting down to since the words had left my mouth when I asked Bella. The past few weeks had been filled with tons of preparations, mostly from Esme and Bella's mother, and of course Alice had her input. Well, she was the one running the show if I'm going to be honest.

At first Bella hadn't wanted bridesmaids, but at the last moment she told Alice that she wanted both her and her sister Jessica to walk in front of her down the aisle. Jessica of course screamed in glee and immediately began planning her dress with Alice. Bella just backed out of the room as I watched from around the corner laughing.

The two of us did almost nothing to help with planning the wedding itself. It was going to be very small, just Bella's family and my own. Carlisle was going to perform the ceremony, nothing too lengthy. We had very simple vows to say to each other, because what else was there to say between two vampires other than to state our "undying" love for each other?

I did my best not to laugh as Bella and I wrote our vows together last week. It seemed unnecessary to both of us, but to Bella's family we both knew it was important.

I spent the better part of this morning helping Alice with the final touches on the decorations around the house. She had carefully planned the ceremony to begin at twilight, giving Bella's family plenty of time to get ready if they needed it. Jessica had needed the morning to finish packing, and then she was off to get her hair done with her mother, which as Bella had warned me would take up the better part of the afternoon.

Bella, on the other hand, was being kept hidden from me somewhere in the house, and it wasn't like I couldn't just sniff her out, literally, but I was threatened upon pain of death not to look for her until the ceremony had started, and only then would I see her.

We had even spent last night apart, thanks to Alice, Esme and Renee, thinking it would be nice to observe that particular tradition. I had gone crazy alone laying on my bed and thinking about Bella, knowing she was only a short run away in her own house. Alice had gone to fetch her early this morning and snuck her in while I was out with Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle hunting.

By mid afternoon I was going stir-crazy waiting for everything to start. Alice and Rosalie had long since disappeared upstairs to get Bella ready. All I as allowed to know about her was that she was wearing white, well off-white if you wanted be technical, but I wasn't even allowed to know if her hair was up or down, or what flowers she was going to be carrying.

I had nothing in which to occupy my mind except to read, and even that was making me crazy because every few words Bella popped back into my head and I wondered what my sisters were currently doing to torture her. I tried to imagine what kind of dress she would be wearing, but the only thing that popped into my head was the stereotypical, poufy white dress, and I knew that wasn't Bella.

I ventured outside about an hour before the ceremony was supposed to start, careful to stay well away from the last slanting rays of the evening, since Bella's father was also out here. I went over the outside decorations that Alice had put up for the reception after the ceremony and stopped Emmett from messing with the sound system before he turned it on and blew the glass out of the windows.

When Alice stuck her head out of a window and yelled at me to get inside and get changed, I practically danced my way up the stairs in my joy. I felt like a child once more on Christmas morning. It was that exuberant joy you feel knowing something extra special is coming, and nothing is going to stop you from getting it.

It was almost six in the evening when I got back downstairs, fully dressed and awaiting my bride. Emmett was already at the altar with Carlisle, trying to hold back a snicker as I approached and I knew he was waiting to irritate me with comments about my imminent wedding night.

I punched him in gut lightly, for a vampire, and told him to keep his mouth shut or I would permanently shut it for him. Carlisle threw us a look to shut up just as Rosalie sat down at my piano and began to play. Bella had requested one of my original pieces to be played as she made her grand entrance instead of anything traditional.

I waited to see her dismount the stairs, but apparently she and her bridal party were taking their time, so I glanced at Bella's mother and Esme with a tentative smile, and Renee looked back with tears in her eyes, Esme just smiled. I knew if she could cry she would be, and I knew she was regretting not being able to right now.

Emmett tapped me on the shoulder and I looked up just in time to see Alice and Jessica stepping off the stairs. Behind them was the real focus of my attention. Bella floated toward me now in a beautiful white dress, stepping forward gracefully in the white heels that I'm sure Alice had forced her into. If I had had a breath in my body the sight of her would have taken it away. She smiled brilliantly at me, and then turned to her father, who discreetly slipped his hand over hers. I knew this was what sealed for him the act of letting his daughter go, even though he had let her go over a month ago when I asked him if I could marry Bella.

He gave her a kiss when they stopped in front of me and then placed Bella's hand in my own. Carlisle kept the ceremony short, leaving out many bits and pieces that a traditional service would have included. When we got to our vows, Bella and I both faced each other and held each other's hands as we repeated the words we had memorized only days before.

I promised to love her for the rest of my existence. I promised to protect her from all harm, and to never let her down or hurt her as I had done in the past. In return she promised to be faithful to me, to trust me with her heart and soul, and to never let our love be taken for granted between us. She promised to always be by my side, no matter obstacle we may meet in the future.

For us, those words had a different meaning than they did for Bella's family. But I know hearing them spoken aloud made Bella believe them all the more. She had had so many issues in the past months with trust, especially from me, and now today was the day to let them all go as we start the next chapter of our lives together.

After we exchanged the simple silver bands Alice had gotten for us, Carlisle pronounced us and I took Bella's face in my hands and kissed her gently and sweetly. A prelude of what was to come later tonight. Her family and mine applauded us as we turned to face them, husband and wife now.

Alice got everyone's attention and announced that the small reception was going to be outside. Emmett had already snuck out after he gave me the rings and had lit all of the lights and turned on some quiet music. Bella and I remained inside for a few minutes while Renee and Esme came up to hug us both and congratulate us.

"Are you happy?" Bella asked when we were finally alone for a moment.

"Happy doesn't even begin to cover how I am feeling right now, Bella. There are no words to describe this." I took her face between my hands once more and kissed her, but this time with more heat and impatience. Bella grabbed me around the waist, returning my kiss with as much passion as I poured into it.

"I love you," She whispered when we finally parted.

"I love you, too."

I took her hand and we ventured outside to the small party Alice and our mothers had set up for us. They were all waiting for us to have our first dance together, and I could see Renee with her camera in her hand, just waiting to start taking pictures.

I pulled Bella into my arms and held her tightly as soft music started to play. It wasn't a particular song, but another of my own compositions, Bella's favorite out of all of them. We moved together effortlessly for several long minutes as the music ebbed and flowed around us in delicate rhythms and harmonies. I tipped Bella's face up to mine to kiss her and I heard a few cameras clicking.

When the music finally ended we sat down at the large white table that was just for us. In an effort to make things seem normal, we decided not to have a dinner, but just hors d'oeuvres. Bella and I both picked lightly on the samplings in front of us, watching the rest of our families mingle and enjoy the pleasant atmosphere.

We both cringed when Emmett got up to start the toasts, and I feared he was going to say something so inappropriate in front of Charlie, that I was ready to throttle him the moment any such unsuitable words left his mouth. But Emmett surprised us both and kept his toast very PG-13…bordering on the 17, but I applauded him politely and threw him a sneer for good measure. Alice got up next and made a short speech about how Bella and I fell in love despite all of our differences and how much we hated each other in the beginning, and that she was proud as my sister to see me finally happy.

More dancing followed the toasts, and Bella was whisked away by her father while I danced for a bit with Esme. When I was finally returned to my bride I danced us away from the crowd of our families and off toward the quieter seclusion of the trees.

I watched Bella as her demeanor changed the closer we drew to the encroaching darkness. She stepped away from me, sniffed the air around her. "Jacob?"

A tall figure loped out of the darkness, looking extremely uncomfortable, but overjoyed nonetheless to see Bella. "Hey," He greeted her quietly and offered her a quick hug. "You looks amazing, Bells."

"You can thank Alice for this."

"No, part of it is you, too."

I grimaced a little to myself, but held back a comment. This moment was for Bella, and I wasn't going to spoil it for her by acting jealous.

"I'm glad you could make it, Jacob. I was hoping you would at least do this, if nothing else."

"I wanted to see you again." Jacob admitted. "I missed you,"

"I missed you, Jake. You know, you could see me more often if you came back."

"I've been thinking about that," He smirked at Bella then looked at his feet and kicked a couple stones around.

The grin that broke out on Bella's face almost matched the smile she had given me only a short while ago when Carlisle pronounced us. She threw her arms around Jacob's neck, hugging him profusely. Jacob visibly stiffened, from the assault of how we smell to him I'm sure, but didn't push Bella off of him.

"Come out and dance with us." Bella offered when she pulled back.

Jacob smirked again, glancing at the party only a few yards away. "I can't. I'm not dressed for a wedding."

"So what, come dance with us anyway."

"I can't Bella, my dad is expecting me. I promised I would come home and see him after seeing you. I have to go."

"Jacob," Bella called after him as he turned to leave. He looked back over his shoulder at her, "Will you come back?" She asked earnestly.

"I don't know yet, Bella." Jacob replied honestly. I had expected nothing less from him than honesty, and I was glad he was telling Bella exactly how he felt instead of just taking off like he had last time. Bella deserved at least that if not more. He grabbed her up for a final hug and then took off into the trees.

"Is he going to stay?" Bella asked me when he was gone.

"He doesn't know yet, he answered you truthfully. And so am I."

Bella sighed sadly, her hand slipping into mine. I squeezed it reassuringly and turned back toward the party. Everything began winding down within an hour, Bella's family wising us one last congratulation as they left. I watched Bella hold her six month old brother for a few minutes, cooing over him as he slept peacefully in her arms before she had to hand him back to her mother.

Once Bella's family finally left, Alice cornered Bella and I and told us she had a surprise for us.

"We told everyone no gifts!" Bella complained. But as she spoke Esme walked out into the living room with a small white necklace box. She presented it to Bella and I, Alice beaming as Bella flipped the cover open. Inside lay a key tied with a pink ribbon. "Not another car…"

"No, something much better than that." Esme told us proudly. "Alice will take you two to it."

I was just as clueless as Bella was, Alice and Esme had been working hard to not be thinking about whatever it was they had planned together. With a squeal of excitement Alice led us outside and into the woods. We only had to run a short distance before we reached a small cottage. I had only seen this place once before, and that was when it had been a crumbling mess wedged into the cliff face.

Esme and Alice had reconstructed the entire house, creating the perfect fairy tale cottage for two. It was almost completely surrounded by flowers inlcuding lilac, roses, forget-me-nots, tulips…I lost track. There was a small pond off to the side that could be reached by a short stone path. Bella stood in awe of the small house, gazing at it in wonder before turning to Alice and hugging her tightly.

"Thank you, Alice, this is…this is beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it, even though I already knew you would. Esme will be glad to know you both love it. Have fun," She handed Bella the key and hugged us both one more time before taking off back to the main house.

"Our own place," Bella breathed, unable to believe what was in front of us.

"Our own place," I repeated, having my own trouble believing what my sister and mother had done for us.

There was only one thing for me to do now. I scooped Bella up into my arms, and she laughed in delight as I carried her over to the door. She unlocked it effortlessly and I carried her inside. I made sure the door was locked behind us before carrying her off toward what I hoped was the bedroom.

Only when I stepped past the doorway of it did I finally put Bella down. We gazed around at the beautiful room before us, the large bed spread with fresh, welcomingly white sheets. I stepped up behind Bella, pushing some hair off her shoulder so I could get to her neck and press a soft kiss to it.

"We're not going to make it to the bed, are we?" Bella asked, slightly breathless as my lips made a trail from her neck to her shoulder.

"Probably not, no," I admitted honestly to her, smiling as I kissed more exposed skin.

Bella sighed audibly beneath my touch, tipping her head to the side to expose more of her neck to me. I kept one hand on her waist while the other slowly pulled the zipper down on her dress. I slipped the shoulder straps off and watched as the gown puddle at her feet in a soft, white mass.

Bella turned to face me in just her white corset and underwear. She was stunning in even the simplest forms of clothing. She quickly undressed me from my suit, adding more to the growing pile of clothes on the floor. She then took my hand and led me over to the large bed. I knew then that she had asked about the bed because she wanted to get there. I had to admit that it was far too inviting to ignore, and I was hoping as well that we would make it there.

As soon as we were lying down I removed the corset and tossed it away before slipping off Bella's underwear. I didn't need to encourage Bella as she raised a leg to my hip, opening herself up to me. I supported myself on my arms looking down at her. If my heart could beat it would be nearly pounding out of my chest. I never anticipated being with Bella more than I ever had at this moment.

I slipped inside her effortlessly, thankful that we were lying on the soft bed and not the floor. Everything was so much more comfortable up here as we began to rock back and forth energetically together. We didn't hold anything back with each other, every ounce of passion that had been building all day ripped free in our lovemaking.

Everything felt different for me, though, every time I looked at Bella and remembered that she was now my wife. I kissed her with fervent abandon, her arms around my neck holding onto me as I glided in and out, working us both toward an explosive release.

Each sensation was amplified tenfold from what it been before, and just from the simple exchange of words that altered our status as a couple. I gazed down at Bella, drinking in all of her. Her rich, dark hair fanned out across the pillow. Her soft eyes, which had finally turned amber, burning back into mine. She held onto me as if her life depended on it, her body wrapped around mine in a vice grip as her muscles tensed in anticipation.

I reached up grabbing onto the headboard with both hands. Bella threw her leg around my waist for more support, her hands grasped at my back and her nails scraped my skin. I almost roared from the sensation of it. Bella suddenly let me go and grabbed my face bringing it down to hers. She kissed me deeply, pressing her forehead to mine.

"Don't hold back," She whispered.

I gripped the headboard harder, hoping I wasn't breaking it, but not caring enough to look. I thrust my hips against Bella's, taking in the sounds of her moans, and yelps, and pleas. It only spurred me on more to make this as perfect for her as I could.

I didn't hold back as she had asked me and only a few moments later the most powerful orgasm I had ever experienced rocked through my entire form. Bella called out loudly beneath me, a sound or word that vaguely resembled my name, her entire body quaking from the force of her own orgasm.

I collapsed beside her on the bed, feeling the frame buckle slightly from the force of impact. I would fix it tomorrow, maybe. Bella rolled over folding her body against mine and laid her head on my chest. So this was what true happiness felt like. I had never known it would be so…was there even a word to describe this moment?

Bella stroked her hand up and down my torso for a few quiet moments before she looked up at me with a playful smile, "I want more," she stated.

"You know what the good part about that is?" I asked her. Bella shook her head. "We have forever in order to do it."

Bella shifted her body so that she was now situated above, her legs splayed on either side of my hips. I grasped hers and lifted her up just enough to position myself and slid her back down. She let out a long, low, deep moan as I filled her, her head falling back far enough that the tips of her hair ticked my legs.

This time we moved slowly, took our time with each other. We touched and caressed, gazed and kissed lingeringly. I loved her entirely, moment after moment as they passed unnoticed. We weren't in any hurry for the night to end or the day to come. We were lost in each other and had no desire to go searching for the real world, because right now it didn't exist, and we didn't care.

As I looked up at Bella, her body moving against mine in the most delicious way, all I could see was her beautiful face, her eyes full of love for me. I had believed from the moment that I realized I was in love with her that she hadn't just found my family by chance. Growing up as human at the turn of the century I had been taught to believe in God, and that He had a purpose for us, and that there was a heaven.

This was my heaven, right here with Bella. And it had been heaven's grace that had brought her into my life, making my existence on this earth bearable, when everything else had been unbearable. I had been in a constant state of night and she had been the guiding light leading me from that darkness. Heaven's grace had brought her to me.

And I was never letting her go.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! There is a Polyvore set posted for the epilogue! Head on over to my profile and click the link for my Polyvore. You may have to scroll all the way to the bottom to see the set. **


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